Sexual Advances or Sexual Abuse

I was thinking a lot about this and gathered all my guts to write this.

It so happened that I stayed in a PG/hostel for sometime, when I was working in another city. The so called PG was a big one with around 70-80 girls staying in four floors and the building was well maintained. It was run by a family from a village who were smart enough to know the nuances of running a hostel for girls. And they were quite successful at it. The entire family was quite rustic in nature, their lifestyle which was quite evident. And the entire family lived on the ground floor.


We had to get our food from the ground floor, where there was kitchen and dining hall and the food was placed on the table there. There was an aqua guard installed there from where we fetched water in our 1 ltr or 2 ltr water bottles.

Most of the girls wore spaghettis while staying in the PG or may be even in their
sleeveless tops. Sometimes shorts, or sometimes three quarter leggings. But while going to the office, they wore complete formal dresses, without an inch of skin show except for fore arms and face. Gawd... where am I heading to? I am coming to that point. Kindle bear with my non-sense.


So, when these girls come to fetch water or serve food for themselves on the ground floor, esp in their spaghettis or sleeveless tees, there was always a pair of eyes that get bigger and bigger on seeing them. There is a sheepish smile on that face. The stares are at the beautiful fair skinned girls till the time they are in that
hall. Not even a single blink of lashes in that whole period. I have observed those eyes all the time and every time I am in that hall. Not just that, any time a girl is in that building and those eyes catch her incidentally, the stares start again. The whole body stands still and the stares continue. Drooling? I think I was more
concentrating on the eyes and never observed if the mouth was actually drooling.


Whose eyes are those? Who constantly stares at girls? Who gains that cheap happiness upon seeing a fair skin... guess .. guess.. can you?? It is their three year old boy. Yes, you read it right. A child can also abuse girls sexually. Is that a right sentence? For me, yes, it is.


Another fine day, I saw him sleeping in that hall. A mat was laid down and he was in deep sleep.. but wait. I told you, these owners were villagers and didn't bother
to dress up that boy. So, the boy was sleeping there without his underwear. And my shocks start from here. His male part was standing straight and firm. OMG... OMG.. he is just three years old. What was I seeing? :O


There was a maid who was in her forties, working in that hostel. I had a very bad headache one day and returned to the hostel by 1:00 PM. No one would be in the hostel at that time, except for one or two. I was taking the stairs and when I reached my floor, I could hear some pale voices from a door behind other set of stairs. I slowly peeped into that area... and I was in shock... shock of my life. The maid was making advances with that boy and the boy was enjoying it. He was laughing heartily and was quite merry. I was in yet another shock... no other words to describe that. My headache only grew worse. What I did next is another story.


How do I express my feelings? More importantly, how do I express those kind of children? I know child abuse is something every adult and child should be taught of.. but what if the abused is enjoying it as well?


There is yet another incident that comes to my mind as I write this. I was travelling in a train and it was not really crowded but not sparsely crowded either. I was sitting on the side where there are just two seats facing each other. #IfUKnowWhatIMean. I could see the people sitting in the diagonal compartment. There were two set of passengers with their children. One had 3-4 years old girl and the other had 4-5 years old boy. Or may be they were of same age. No idea. But they were kids. I guess parents caught a quick nap or doing something busy. Both the children mingled very nicely with each other and started playing. There were laughing and playing, I felt happy seeing them. All of a sudden the boy sat beside her. The girl was wearing a frock and the boy immediately pulled her frock and saw her underwear, laughed heartily and put it back. The girl laughed at it too. Both laughed at it. I only wish I could say they were taking pleasure in that act. All this happened in just 10 seconds of time and yes I was in shock again. It happened, long long back, like say.. 15 years ago. Again, What I did next is another story.


But, the question always lingers in my mind. These two kids in the train and that boy in the hostel... what is driving them to gain such sexual pleasures? If not physically sexual pleasures, isn't that a beginning point to sexual advances, sexual abuse or as in the later case...emotional advances... the boy was nice to the girl in the beginning, she fell for him and both gained minute pleasures later.


Again, the adjectives I am using here seem to be quite intense, esp for children of that age. But what else can one substitute it for?? How do you parents teach your children the difference between abuse and pleasure? How do you teach a three year old child about it? What are your parenting skills in that area?

PS: This post was posted when I was naive about kids and their physical reactions and curiosities. Now that I had got a clear picture of about the same, I request the users to read it with an open mind and respond but not react. Probably you can share your views/opinions about how you/your children have reacted under similar circumstances or how should one react.

 

nicely explained... I really like it.. instead of offending OP, you made the points very clear. Really liked it.

One of the comments here state that they did have such curiosities but they grew up to be professionals and not perverts. Thankfully, they didn't.

Regarding the train incident, what I am still wondering about is shouldn't such indecent ways of curiosity be amended by the parents in the early stages itself? Even if the children are not touching each other's private parts, lifting up the dress and looking at the panty.. shouldn't children be taught about that as well? #JustCurious

 

CrayoNess... if one were the parent of that girl child, how would one react? Or how should one react? There could be many assumptions here, parents were away and so the boy did like that or both were playing with each other and got curious or just whatever. Will they shrug it off saying it was a mere curiosity of the boy? #NoOffenceIntended I found your replies very sensible and apt to my OP.

 

I guess both of us posted at the same time. Thank you for your response. My view/thoughts have improved with your comments.

Let me tell you one thing. Regarding that three year old boy in the PG, every single girl had the same opinion about that boy. Not that he is a sexual abuser or he advances sexually but kinda inclined towards it. #IfYouKnowWhatIMean

Yes, there were married females as well as unmarried women too in that hostel. I guess such inferences had more to do with that simple but important knowledge about kids. Thanks again.

Yes, that link is quite helpful.

 

I get it .. the gender is really not important. The whole intention was to know how a parent would/should handle it. And yep, friendly manner it is.