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Cousins DH sleeps separately

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Denni, Sep 17, 2014.

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  1. Sep 17, 2014 #1
    Denni

    Denni Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    My cousin recently told me about her hubby's habit of sleeping separately . They have two young children who shares the bed with my cousin. Her hubby sleeps on a separate bed in the same bedroom. It has been the same way since they had their first baby 4 years ago. Her hubby always prefer to sleep on his own as he doesn't like to share his bed since he was young.

    My cousin is getting bored with his attitude. Like any other women she yearns to be hugged or cuddled by her hubby when she sleeps. They don't have regular s** either. She suggested that the kids be placed in a separate bed in the same room so that the couple can share the bed but he refused. He likes his space all to himself.

    I understand how she feels as I was sharing my bed with my son while my DH slept on another bed. But we decided that our son needs his own bed so....we got him his own bed . At least my hubby don't shoo me away from the bed like my cousins husband.

    I pity my cousin as she feels she's living with a stranger. She told me sometimes she wonders if she's married as she feels so empty and he's been so selfish for not even giving her a small happiness that she gets from sharing the bed with him.

    My point is husband and wife should definitely share the bed. Its not solely for the purpose of having s** but for the warmth , affection, companionship and love that follows when a couple shares the bed.

    I need some opinion on this. TQ
     
    Denni, Sep 17, 2014
    Denni, Sep 17, 2014
    #1
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  2. Sep 17, 2014 #2
    SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    It depends. It is upto the couple's overall health, hygienic, and other relationship such as romantic, friendly and everything.

    We share our bed together. I believe this is how married couples are.
    However, my friend says she is unable to bear her H's constant snoring all through nights. Her young kids sleeps becomes disturbed, so she prefers to sleep separately. Not sure about their sex life though, as we don't discuss such things openly.

    My H too snores, but myself and my kids are used to this sound now.

    I know of a man (casually mentioned this sometimes back) he said he doesnt like to sleep with his wife (a home maker) as she never takes a wash before bed time (which means, no brushing, no change of clothes etc..etc..) and he feels highly disturbed with the smell of hers. Not sure whether they discussed about this or that women changed now.

    There was another couple, I am sure they can't sleep together in the same bed as both of them were over-weight. But their bed seemed small for them.

    Again, I thought about another couple... The man consumes alcohol daily, and the wife may hate that smell if she is like me. Same with smokers (be it a man or woman). Not everyone dislikes, but some do.

    Some may sleep together only for the sexual act, then change beds.

    They may have reasons to sleep separately... It must be discussed openly among themselves, and sort out. Not a great idea to discuss with cousins.
     
    SGBV, Sep 17, 2014
    SGBV, Sep 17, 2014
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  3. Sep 17, 2014 #3
    pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    Dear op

    May be he is shy to share bed with the kids in the same room.Sex after the arrival of kids needs lots of sorting out and understanding .Its not everyone's cup of tea to sleep in a hugging posture(may be your cousin insists to hug when she shares bed).
     
    pear, Sep 17, 2014
    pear, Sep 17, 2014
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  4. Sep 17, 2014 #4
    seekingbless

    seekingbless Platinum IL'ite

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    ur cousin's situation is same like me. but time to time we will move my kids to his bed or i move to his bed. :shhh:
     
    seekingbless, Sep 17, 2014
    seekingbless, Sep 17, 2014
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  5. Sep 17, 2014 #5
    kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    "My point is husband and wife should definitely share the bed. Its not solely for the purpose of having s** but for the warmth , affection, companionship and love that follows when a couple shares the bed."

    I totally agree with you. Your statement is 100% true.
     
    kcb, Sep 17, 2014
    kcb, Sep 17, 2014
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  6. Sep 17, 2014 #6
    Denni

    Denni Gold IL'ite

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    We grew up together and she's more like a friend to me. We can talk about anything in this world including about our husbands. Its just that we have this sisterly connection and trust....we just confide into each other.


    I know that there many reasons why couples don't share their bed. My cousin feels like something is missing in her life. Her DH doesn't smoke or smell bad or even snores loud and I think my cousin don't stink either. She's far from over weight. She told me she can live with his attitude if sleeping alone makes him happy. Whenever she asks him if she can share the bed (not for s**)...he would answer....I need my space and you know very well I cant sleep well when someone is beside me. Pity her..... I don't know how to feel about this....maybe he really needs his space but how about my cousin's feelings? hmmmm

    Anyway...thanks SGBV for your reply.

    Ladies...anyone having similar problem?...how do you deal with it?
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2014
    Denni, Sep 17, 2014
    Denni, Sep 17, 2014
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  7. Sep 17, 2014 #7
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    The best part of marriage is sharing and sharing a bed tops that.That bed is not just for sex....It is the marital bed.

    Even if space is a constraint....then also we have sometimes slept on the same double bed...all hugging each other.Sometimes when kids were small and it was very cold....again we slept in one big giant hug.

    Some people do have a thing for space.My in laws although sleep on the same bed....they sleep on opposite ends of the bed.Some times even facing opposite walls.
    My parents sleep on the same side of the bed....their mattress is squishy on one end and hard on the other.


    My mil was shocked to see us all bundled up together in bed.She told me"we have always (meaning ils and two sons)encouraged sleeping "khulla khulla"(with lots of space in between) ".I just told her..."we like it like this":rotfl

    It is ok to sleep separately if both want it...but one sleeping away while the other craving to sleep together is just so sad.
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2014
    yellowmango, Sep 17, 2014
    yellowmango, Sep 17, 2014
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  8. Sep 17, 2014 #8
    memeera1234

    memeera1234 Gold IL'ite

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    I feel there is more than what meets the eye. Ask your cousin to have a heart to heart talk with her DH as to what is turning him off from getting close to her. Maybe she can then find out the reason and do something abt it. There may be many reasons ( physical or otherwise). An open talk about their wants and needs should help I feel.
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2014
    memeera1234, Sep 17, 2014
    memeera1234, Sep 17, 2014
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  9. Sep 17, 2014 #9
    Denni

    Denni Gold IL'ite

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    Reminds me of my childhood. My mom, dad, brother and I slept in a giant size bed (still wondering where my dad got the bed from). I have a very fond memory of my mom hugging me when its cold and my brothers covering me with blanket. Thanks yellowmango....you brought back the memories I almost forgot.

    My hubs and I shared the bed when my DS was just a baby. We would take turn to hug our kiddo . It was a beautiful memory. As DS grew...hubs moved to another bed as kiddo took almost 3/4 of the bed.

    Lovely post yellowmango....thanks again
     
    Denni, Sep 17, 2014
    Denni, Sep 17, 2014
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  10. Sep 17, 2014 #10
    roses99

    roses99 Silver IL'ite

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    Can you clear you INBOX SGBV? have some good news for you! Please dont mind for PMS
     
    roses99, Sep 17, 2014
    roses99, Sep 17, 2014
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