do you think the way women dress leads to crime against them

What’s the best way to fight for your rights and freedoms and to prevent Talibanization of India? | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

Here is an interesting write-up.

 

dear Sofea,

I think you have overlooked certain things in my post. I have never mentioned that you invite rape because of the way you dress. In fact I have written the opposite that "rape has nothing to do with the way women dress, or look or their age". My post just lays emphasis on the fact that taking some precautions would do no harm. After all, dont we all take precautions in other aspects of our life for our safety and well being - we all want to live in safe neighborhoods, marry the right guy, send our kids to good schools, work in offices having a good work environment etc. But then again, taking precaution is a choice based on your free will.

Coming to your post....

"The reason is because rape has nothing to do with your clothes. But it has everything to do on how vulnerable you are in certain places."

Agree - women are vulnerable in certain places and most of us would know those places. So, if one can avoid being in the wrong place at the wrong time - what's the harm ?

"Have you ever noticed that men only jeer and tease girls when they (the men) are in a group?"

No, perverts will tease irrespective of whether they are in a group or alone.

"Suppose a group of girls, all wearing t-shirts and shorts walk past a man who's standing alone, do you think that the man would even dare to open his mouth and tease the girls, no matter how much he wants to?"

Agree - There is always safety in numbers that is why I have mentioned that you need to be cautious while travelling alone.

"Which is why they target women who are single, vulnerable & innocent. Because they know that these sort of women are unable to fight back against them."

disagree - Rape does not happen because a woman is single or innocent. Married/smart women can also find themselves in a difficult situation. But yes, most of the times, a woman who is smart enough will be able to figure out that the situation might get out of hand and will take corrective action.

"Yes, every family do teach their kids to dress decently. Why? Because we believe that dressing reflects our personalities and our taste. That's all."

Glad you agree that dressing decently does reflect our personality n taste. I dont think I said anything different.

"When I went to India, I noticed that most of the women wearing sarees even when they were just staying at home. But back here in Malaysia, sarees are mainly worn when a woman is visiting temples or during functions. The rest of the time, women usually wear salwars, jeans/pants/skirts with blouse/t-shirts. That doesn't mean that women in Malaysia are wearing indecent clothes. It's just that the geographical and cultural aspect in this country is as such that it's more comfortable and appropriate to wear jeans than wearing a saree. And what's worse- rape happens in Malaysia as much as it happens in India too! So the bottom line is, dressing doesn't guarantee a person from being a rape victim or otherwise."

Again you have misread my post - I have always said that clothes should be comfortable but excessive skin show can be avoided. Ever wondered why women dont go skimpily dressed to temples etc or why we wear traditional clothes during festivals n marriages ? Because it would not look appropriate for the place or occasion - period. Unlike some who feel that if you dont like it dont see it - its not a question of about liking or looking. But its a question of looking n dressing appropriately for the occasion or the place. Certain dresses look good in the privacy of your home, while others are appropriate in public.

"Why? Because you want to look smart and professional, that's why! Do you think the office management keep these rules so that their female staffs don't get molested/teased/raped by their male colleague or clients? Definitely not! Such rules are made because the management want their employees to look good and presentable. Again, has wearing formal clothes prevented women from being subjected to sexual harrassment in office???"

So, you do agree that "tube-tops, halters, shorts, minis etc" dont make you look good, presentable or professional. Yeah, I thought I said the same thing especially if you dont have the physique to go along with these clothes.


"I really think that the examples you're giving here is totally inappropriate with the topic that we are discussing. We lock the doors to prevent burglary, so we need to cover ourselves with clothes to prevent rape as well??? And how decent should a woman dress anyway? Wear sarees 24/7? But wait, sarees exposes your waist, neck and parts of your back, so that's not decent enough right? "

Honey - I just gave an example. You dont have to imagine it literally !! I was just pointing out that when it comes to security of our homes, we dont use the same logic. Rather, we will put in more security features just to deter unwanted elements.

"And what's going to be next?-there are rampant cases of rape on the street so it's better for women to just lock themselves at home and don't venture outdoors for the rest of their lives???"

disagree - No one is asking you to lock yourself up but to be aware of the dangerous world we live in and be wise enough to take extra precautions wherever needed. That too, if you want to take precautions. Otherwise, yes I agree its a free world.

Again Kylie, I think you are confusing others with these thoughts. The question here is does one's dressing leads men to rape? If you think dressing decently is a precautionary step to reduce the number of sexual harrassment, then I must say that the person who is naive here is not others, it's you.

I am talking of dressing appropriately - which means dressing according to the occasion, place, time, people you are with etc. I think most of us would agree to this. To stretch it further - a bikini would look good only on the beach not in the mall !! Similarly no one expects you to dress in a saree or salwar kameez at the pub - infact i think you will be the odd one out if you are spotted in this attire in the pub !!

"Yes, not wandering out alone at night, not giving information to strangers can be preventive measures against crimes but how can dressing be looked in the same context as well? If you can prove to me that women are raped only because they are wearing indecent clothes, then I may be able to buy your points. But time and again, we have all encountered cases where rape happens to women regardless of what they wear. So how can we be so blind and naive to say that women who wear indecent clothes are subjecting themselves to rape?"

Like I said before, this debate of what is appropriate or not, has been going on for decades and will continue in future too. It is like the famous ballad by Rudyard Kipling "East is east and West is west, and never the twain shall meet..." You will always have differences in opinion of what to wear or not and we can only agree to disagree on this and carry on our ways. However, we all learn from our experiences. My experience has shown that dressing appropriately and acting sensibly will keep you away from harm's way on most occasions.

I would not advise my friends, kids or relatives any differently from what I have mentioned in my post. And I would like to state once again that my post is not about "rape" but about being a little aware of the times we live in and the precautions that might help us.

love,
kylie

 

"women are vulnerable in certain places and most of us would know those places. So, if one can avoid being in the wrong place at the wrong time - what's the harm ? "-kylie.

But Kylie,I have a single question for you and itz not out of any hard feelings. Today,as of now,physical and oral abuse happens to happen with women everywhere from broad daylight to midnight,from dividers on highways,public trains to narrow,cluttered lanes. People got abused in front of a whole village,in a market,in a bus and many more all even during daytime.How many places are we to avoid?And do you mean to say a girl who is in her formals does not get prey to abuse?
Itz not anymore about the way you dress or the places where you should not be seen. Itz about time for punishment and strict laws. Itz about time we stand up for common cause of womanhood and fight back instead of debating. Itz time we express solidarity with all those victims instead of analyzing why they got raped. And I hope we can build a better,safer nation for ourselves.

Signing off,
Ashima.

 

Eandian, another pearl of wisdom ...I used to wonder why women shouting,yelling does nothing to men...now I knew..

 

Kylie, I don't quite understand your take in this whole topic. At one point you say that rape has nothing to do with one's dressing and yet again, you seem to imply that appropriate dressing is a preventive measure against such crimes. :confused2: If the lack of clothes is not seen as a factor for rape, how can the "so-called" appropriate dressing prevent rape from occuring in the first place????:idontgetit:

In fact I read your whole post hoping that I can find the answer to the above-said query....only to find out that your whole post has nothing to do with the topic of rape at all! :roll:

In any event, it's futile to argue when both of us seem to talk about two different topics. So let's just agree to disagree :cheers

 

Well said Kylie!!!

 

The person who say that the way of dressing alone provokes a man to rape should be mentally sick. Then what about small girls being raped by their own relatives or teachers? Are they provoking them too? These guys should be castrated ........... I might sound harsh but think of those small baby girls who have lost their lives or deprived of childhood and continue to live in fear all their lives. If punishments are harsh like in some European countries, then it will put a stop to these immoral crimes.

 

It has nothing to do with women's dressing. It has to do with Men's lack of self control.

 

Read this... Pretty interesting replies from the author!! Am sure some points, you can agree!!
through a rapist's eyes | Tumblr

 

dear Ashima & Sophea,

Changing the attitude of people, especially men with a "sick n perverse mindset" is like saying that we wish to eradicate world hunger !! While changing the mindset of these men might be the best solution - is it possible to achieve this in the near future [next few years or few decades] ? As some other poster has suggested that "eradication" is better than "avoiding" the problem - True in a utopic world, we should aim at eradication of rape but till we reach that milestone, how do we ensure our safety ?

I think it is much more pragmatic to exercise relevant caution yourself rather than hoping that those around you should change. If dressing appropriately helps in reducing the probability of getting into ugly situations by even 1% - isn't it worth a try? The flip side of dressing outrageously just to prove a point that you have the freedom seems foolish when you see the probable danger you can get into. The fact of the matter is that provocative dressing or too much skin show does attract unwanted attention from men - whether we like it or not. And it is this unwanted attention which can lead to uncomfortable situations.

A case in point - The travel advisories issued by most foreign governments to their citizens travelling to third world countries like India advises the women to follow the "appropriate dress code" of the locals - the essence really is to ensure that they blend with the population rather than stand out. I think this clearly validates my point on the importance of dressing appropriately.


I agree with Ashima when she says that we should have strict laws and severe punishment. But these will take time. And going by the way things work in our country - it is not going to happen anytime soon. And even if the laws are in place, they may not be easy to implement like most of the existing laws. You have spoken about fighting back - how ? Have any of us taken the guy who whistles or gropes to task ? Have we reported to him to the police ? Most probably not - why ? Because of the time it would take to register a complaint or to follow up. So, the max we would do is slap him and go on our way and wish it never happened.

Once again, to answer the title of this thread - does a woman"s dress lead to rape - NO because rape can happen due to multitude of other factors beyond the control of the victim. Having said that, we can ensure our safety of not becoming "easy prey" by not standing out or attracting unwanted attention, being on our guard always and not landing up in the wrong place at the wrong time. After all, these are the only defenses that we have and we should exercise them.


On a lighter note, both of you remind me of my daughter She too has to come up with 110 questions before she is convinced of what I have to say. I think I have said enough on the topic dearies and dont want to come back n keep repeating the same stuff.

All the best n take care...

love,
kylie

P.S. I am not blaming women nor siding with the men - just wanted to reiterate this.