Marital Laws: Family Breaking or Money – Making Industry

I wish you had little open mind to consider both sides.
__________________

I HAVE AN OPEN MIND TO REASONABLENESS. BUT WHEN THE FEMINIST MOVEMENT WENT OVER-BOARD, I COULD NOT ACCEPT IT. CALL ME WHATEVER YOU WISH. I DON'T ACCEPT NONSENSE.

IF THE MEDIA HAD AN OPEN MIND, THERE WOULD BE NO NEED TO FIGHT IN ONLINE FORUMS. I HAVE ANSWERED ALL YOUR DOUBTS. JUST THAT YOUR EGO WILL COME IN YOUR WAY TO ACCEPT REALITY.

OUR SOCIETY IS YET TO GROW TO ACCEPT THE FACT OF OPPRESSION OF MEN (SOCIAL NORMS AND EXPECTATIONS) DO YOU HAVE AN OPEN MIND TO THAT? DO YOU HAVE AN OPEN MIND WHEN I SAY THAT MEN ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO CRY, EXPERIENCE PAIN, SHOW WEAKNESS, SHOW PAIN, ARE EXPRESSIVE, ARE CONSIDERED MORALLY INFERIOR TO WOMEN ETC. I NEED TO CLARIFY ONE THING - OPPRESSION OF MEN IS CAUSED BY SOCIAL NORMS AND EXPECTATIONS (SOCIETY CONSISTS OF BOTH MEN AND WOMEN); IT IS NOT ABOUT WOMEN CAUSING IT. OPPRESSION OF MEN IS CAUSED MORE BY MEN THEMSELVES BECAUSE THE OPPRESSION IS SO SEVERE THAT MEN THEMSELVES ARE NOT ABLE TO SEE IT. MEN HAVE BECOME NUMB TO THEIR OWN PROBLEMS AND ISSUES - THEIR OWN PAIN

 

If people had thought on these lines, no revolution would have ever happened. It is because some people stuck to their views no matter what and fought it out that revolutions happened.
People always had mindsets. They will always have. The fight will not end.

 

I feel that you have landed up in an utopian land filled with hatred for women.


I have said this time and again. Fighting for men's rights cannot be hatred for women. I can understand that it is difficult to digest this fact that men are fighting back. Society has always treated men as criminals and perpetrators and women can victims. There has never been any kind of male domination because it was always men who protected and provided women and society. In today's world, it is female domination because men are living in a fool's paradise of dominating gender and women are instigated to fight men.

 

Her wild side

Men are giving in to depression and fighting an identity crisis as women unleash their violent side.
BOYS don’t cry, especially when they grow up into men who are hit by their women. As stories of battered men come out of the closet, it’s clear that more and more women are losing control and giving in to their wild side. Tales of rudeness, shouting and violent outbursts are more in the news. Recently, two Iranian women in Bangalore beat up a traffic cop; almost a week later, a drunk woman in Bangalore hit an auto-rickshaw driver.


Take this: Men are getting punched, boxed, kicked with pointed stilettos, and even having hot coffee thrown on their faces. As women initiate assault in an intimate relationship, men become the silent victims. Says Swaroop Sarkar, co-founder of the Battered Men helpline in Delhi, “I was a victim and on the brink of committing suicide. There were days that I wouldn’t get out of bed. I almost lost my job.” But Sarkar didn’t give up. He started a helpline in Delhi, “We get 20 troubled men who come to us for help every week in Delhi itself. They just need our gentleness,” adds Sarkar, who is a textile engineer.

The stories are stark but real. There’s Ravi in Bangalore, all of 31, who studied at IIT Delhi, and he narrates how he was traumatised by his wife after she discovered he had one kidney. “She threw me out of my own house. Men in our country don’t cry and certainly never get beaten,” says the engineer, who works for an MNC in Bangalore.

These are educated, well-settled and independent men. Says Kiran Bedi, former police commissioner, “These cases are not any different from what causes violence in men against women. For an aggressive woman, it’s determined by the environment she grows up in. She is an equal now. In the beginning, it may be a gradual slip. Or one she feels powerless to resist.”

Every Sunday in Bangalore, Mithun Kumar, another man “abused” by his wife physically and verbally, counsels battered men. “We get five to six men every week coming to us for help. Men are petrified someone will ask, ‘Did you provoke your wife by doing something wrong?’” says Kumar, an IT professional.

Adds Sarkar, “Men don’t hit back because they’re scared. Most are afraid the woman will call the police and the law will side with her.”

Is it the Bobbitisation of Indian society? We all remember the story of Lorena Bobbitt, who became known as the woman who cut off her husband’s penis with a carving knife. Says Uma Challa, president of All India Men’s Welfare Association in Hyderabad, “In our research, married men commit more suicides in India. We found that 65.35 per cent men end their lives, while only 34.65 per cent married women commit suicide.”

Tejinder Luthra, additional commissioner of police says, “We get allegations where the woman is the aggressor. The men are ashamed to talk about it.”

But what makes women the perpetrators of domestic violence? Today’s woman is fighting on so many fronts — at office, she has to be a know-it-all and as good as the guys if not better and fight twice as hard to prove it; while socialising, she has to be modern and with it and then with in-laws and family she has to meet the role of traditional bahu and homemaker. So, the pressure cooker is bound to burst… and it does!

Some nagging wives have problems in other relationships as well. Adds Kumar, “The children of these women don’t want to be with them as they live in dread of physical assault. But some women are only on a short fuse with their husbands.”

It’s a challenge to preconceived ideas of gender roles where it was virtually impossible for a woman to physically abuse a man. Says Suman Nalwa, ACP, Special Police Unit for Women: “The men who report abuse are few. When we get men who are booked under the Dowry Act, they plead that they’re being harassed by their wives.”

Men are confused. It’s put their identity in a crisis. Says Pinky Anand, lawyer: “As women grow financially, they want to control men. Recently, a wife slapped her husband at a party in a posh hotel in front of his friends.” The stories told by battered men are no less horrifying than those told by women. According to psychiatrist Dr Avdesh Sharma, “The tipping point comes when the women can’t be in control. Alcohol is making women aggressive. Some women remain tomboys.” It’s time men come out of the closet and get help. Simply say goodbye to shame and guilt!

These men got hit too!

ABRAHAM LINCOLN: According to Michael Burlingame, a history professor at Connecticut College and author of The Inner World of Abraham Lincoln, Mary Todd used to beat up Abe Lincoln. Once he didn’t put enough wood on a fire, Mary Todd hit him with a log.

HUMPHREY BOGART: According to several biographies, Bogarts’ third wife, Mayo Methot, was frequently abusive to him and his friends nicknamed her ‘Slugsy’. In one incident, Bogart received a minor stab wound in the back.

STEPHEN HAWKING: According to reports in 2004, Hawking’s second wife Elaine was abusive to him, which even led to him being hospitalised with a broken wrist and cuts on his face.

BILL CLINTON: According to biography Hillary’s Choice, by author Gail Sheehy, Hillary Clinton has attacked her husband on several occasions. In 1993, Hillary allegedly slashed Bill Clinton’s face with her long fingernails. (Facts sourced from the Internet)

 

Emotional Confrontations by Men

Emotional Confrontations by Men | NCFM, Bangalore

“Do not cry like a girl”, “Only girls cry like that”, “Be a man, be brave” and so on are some of the rhetoric that goes on continuously inside a man – a male – every time he feels pain and needs to express it. Awkward as it may sound but these sentences are part of a so-called normal upbringing of men in society without even realizing the psychological impacts and sociological consequences of these dangerous statements or emotional time bombs as I call them (explained later in the article).

When a 5 year old boy suddenly falls down while playing and starts crying due to the pain he is showered with these emotional time bombs, time and again. The psyche of a 5 year old is still developing. Least aware that he is supposed to don the role of a FREE ATM MACHINE and an UNPAID BODYGUARD as he grows up to a man, the little boy is not able to comprehend the devastating psychological effect of the emotional time bombs, he starts developing a small story inside his mind which I prefer to call as the PROTECTOR STORY and that story is:

“I am a man, crying is a feminine trait and its weak to be a feminine being a man and I have to be strong no matter what the circumstances. Also, women are weak because they cry and I have to protect women.”

Although the thought may seem outdated but it is not so; earlier men were expected to protect women physically, now they are expected to do so emotionally. Whilst one may argue that it is nothing wrong to do so as men have always been ascribed the role of a PROTECTOR and it is also not wrong to say so because ultimately it’s the men who have predominantly dominated the protectionist bastions – the police, the armed forces, the judiciary, the legislative, etc. However, it’s pertinent to note here that while it was natural for men to protect women physically since men have been physically stronger than women. But the moot question that remains is – “Are men emotionally stronger than women?”

And the answer is a blunt NO. And the reason for the answer is very simple – a boy’s life starts with one of the emotional time bombs thrown on him. Typically it’s said memories prior to 5 years of age have little/no influence on the development of psyche of an individual. It’s the ones that accumulate post 5 years, especially in the age range of 7 – 12, that significantly contribute to the development of psyche of an individual. And it is at this time that the emotional time bombs viz. “Do not cry like a girl”, etc. are thrown on him which get planted inside his psyche and keep ticking and explode at situations unwanted – thus time bombs (will be elaborated later).

These dangerous emotional time bombs sit like a virus inside a man’s emotional brain and eat it out leading to a murder of the emotions of a boy at a tender age of 6 – popularly known as “emotional castration” – leading to austere psycho-emotional health of boys as they grow to become men. Ironical as it may sound, life of men starts with violence – the murder of their emotions.

And this psycho-emotional violence is committed on men (actually boys) as a clan because boys (men when they grow up) are expected to be ruthless protectors and also they are expected to undertake huge risks – social, personal, physical, financial, intellectual to name a few – as progress depends on risks.

So predominantly the human civilization’s progress is a function of the ruthlessness with which men undertake risks and that, in turn, is a function of the severity with which their emotions are castrated in childhood or in other words the severity with which emotional violence is committed on them.

Because of this severe emotional violence on boys since childhood – something which happens as a normal social norm (hence goes unnoticed at best and unchallenged at worst) – boys also develop another story inside their minds, similar to the PROTECTOR STORY referred to earlier, which I prefer to call as the GAGGED STORY and the story is:

“I am not supposed to share problems until they are solved and I am not supposed to open myself too much.”

This story essentially burns the bridges of communication of the man’s internal world from the external world as if someone who is gagged and the screeches cannot pierce the walls and call out for help. And this burning of bridges, leads to an absence of a communication channel for men – a communication channel that curtails expectations and entails acceptance.

Hence, we see two dangerous psychological patterns here – emotional castration and absence of a communication channel – and both these patterns share a symbiotic relationship; both dependent on each other and feeding each other.

The combined effect of these patterns makes emotional confrontations extremely difficult for men as each time they have to make an emotional confrontation they have to fight themselves and defeat the age-old indoctrination and their own upbringing in order to do so. This makes emotional confrontations extremely taxing psychologically for men and thus they tend to avoid it. However, that’s a pain killer and not a long-term solution.

Moreover, emotional confrontations makes men look weak and society does not support weak men, thanks to the male disposability syndrome as defined here:

Male Disposability is a psychological behavioral and attitudinal syndrome that considers Men as “Disposable and Expendable” and invests very low emotional resources with males which ultimately leads to an environment insensitive to the problems of the male world or one that automatically eliminates weak men (or men finished off with their utility) viewing them as liability.

Fearing being disposed off, men refrain from expressing themselves and avoid emotional confrontations till the break-even point arrives and the break-even point i.e. expression of anger is used against a man. This also makes it easy for the society to practice misandry and sexism against men at will because an angry man is made to feel guilty for being angry and there is no opposition to it.

Before progressing further, it’s pertinent to mention that by nature, all anger is quintessentially residual in nature. This means that the particular instance when anger surfaces, that or the recent incidences are never responsible for the buildup of the anger. Anger builds it up over a period of time – an accumulation of numerous instances of avoided emotional confrontations – which just gets the spark from the current circumstances.

Hence, we see a direct connection between the violence committed by men and the violence committed on men (or rather boys).

Because of the emotional violence committed on boys – emotional castration during childhood – boys develop the PROTECTOR and the GAGGED story. This ultimately stops them or rather strongly discourages them from emotional confrontations – buildup of anger and foundation of the absence of communication channel.

Slowly the burden of the buildup and the avoided emotional confrontations becomes unbearable and results in violence – often physical – by men. And then the same men are punished for his last speck of violence by way of unconstitutional anti-male laws without realizing the entire trail of violence which actually started with violence on men.

Everyone conveniently ignores the emotional violence committed on boys during childhood – rather encourage it under the guise of making “strong men” and punishes the same boys (when they grow up as men) for the violence they commit which was in fact initiated, fertilized, nurtured and nourished by the planting of the emotional time bombs inside their psyche.

Men are thus not only victims of unaddressed gruesome emotional violence since millennia but also of a double jeopardy wherein they are subjected to skyrocketing misandry and sexism. As explained earlier the time bombs explode at situations unwanted. The explosion of these emotional time bombs is nothing but a desperate attempt by men to break off the chains of forced slavery.

If the society wants to stop violence by men, it must stop violence on men. Emotional confrontations by men should be encouraged and then only the society reserves any right, whatsoever to punish men. Before that, any punishment mechanisms (read anti-male laws) are not only unconstitutional but also a crime against humanity.

Choice belies with the society.

PS: The newly proposed Workplace Sexual Harassment Bill is the latest addition to unconstitutional laws and is another instance of crime against humanity.

 

Men are Emotional Beings

Men are Emotional Beings

As I write this article, I recollect an incident dating back to about a year ago. A man from Pune was talking to me on phone about how the local tabloid, “Pune Mirror” had covered the false implication of the man in a matrimonial case, the man being accused of abetting his wife’s suicide whereas the wife was alive and kicking! Despite it being a known fact, the anti-male judiciary was not ready to give justice to the man. After much persuasion, Pune Mirror carried the story and it rocked the city.

The man narrated to me about how his colleagues back in office reacted to the situation. He said mostly women understood his pain and empathized with him whereas his male colleagues looked perplexed – unaware of how to react to this situation.

As I listened to him my belief of mutilated emotional health of men was getting validated and I could easily trace back the root of the behavior to the emotional castration that boys undergo as part of normal social upbringing. I could clearly see the plugging of emotions of men caused due to the psychologically disastrous “emotional time-bombs” – as explained in “Emotional Confrontations by Men” – thrown on boys.

This and many other instances led to the coining of “Men are Emotional Beings” as theme for this year’s “International Men’s Day (IMD)” on November 19.

This year’s IMD’s theme is based on the fact that since boys are castrated emotionally from childhood and it ultimately leads to mutilated emotional health of men later, abuse of men by the society and by women comes natural and goes unchallenged. Also male to male violence as portrayed in movies has become a source of entertainment. This also projects the male gender as the aggressive gender and makes misandry (male hatred) a social norm.

And, misandry hits one and all. Everyone is affected adversely by misandry. I have often found my female friends complaining to me about the restrictions imposed on them about not being allowed to go out with friends at night and this they behold as a discrimination against them. And these restrictions are not imposed due to the fear of any unanticipated incident, but these restrictions are a direct result of the misandry that exists within the parents of girls.

Adding fuel to the fire is the rampant misandry that exists in media which simply loves to portray women as victims – no matter what the circumstances. Whenever, there is any complaint received from a woman against a man, the media begins its media trial and ends it with a media conviction portraying the accused man as a hardcore criminal and the woman as a “Damsel in Distress” without even bothering to verify the matter at hand. And often many such cases which were reported in black and white by media have turned topsy-turvy later. But who accounts for the ignominy suffered by the man? Misandry sucks big time!

And it is these continuously bombarded media reports which I prefer to call as “sociological time bombs” that create a false perception of discrimination against women and the price of this false perception is paid by men in reality. They live their lives facing and experiencing misandry. On this IMD, a salute to all the men for smiling through the thunderous storm of misandry and yet providing for the society through their efforts.

Its misandry inside the society that protects the misandrist media and its misandry that prevents men from supporting men and it ultimately it leads to a blockage of communication channel for men. Having left with no option, either men turn to crime or commit suicide and both these again contribute to the misandry. Thus it has become a self-feeding vicious loop that needs to be broken.

Before we do that, it is pertinent to recall here an incident that happened recently. Rakhi Sawant, a celebrity in Indian television has started a show called, “Rakhi ka Insaaf” where she acts as judge and decides on disputes between parties including marital and property disputes. Now, NDTV Imagine in itself being an anti-male channel and the proclaimed male-hater that Rakhi Sawant is, its better not to have any expectations from the show.

However, sometimes unexpected happens in a very sad manner. Rakhi abused a man on her on open TV and called him ‘impotent’. The man was so much hurt by her statements that he committed suicide. Now, the question here is, “Who has given Rakhi Sawant the authority to abuse men on TV?” And the answer is – “Misandry”. Its misandry that exists inside the society that makes it believe any cock-and-bull story of a woman when she alleges against a man. The basic thought premise is – “The man must have done something otherwise why would the woman complain.” This is nothing but pre-conceived bias against men and Rakhi Sawant is no exception to that.

Even though abetment to suicide has been filed, why are Rakhi Sawant and the Channel Head still roaming at large? There is clear cut evidence that the man committed suicide within days of him being abused publically by Rakhi – aided by the channel. Both Rakhi and the channel are co-accomplices in the crime and they are still roaming large. This is nothing but misandry on part of the Government.

It is such numerous incidents of abuse of men that go on daily, unreported, unaddressed and unthought of, that called for the requirement of the theme – “Men are Emotional Beings” for this year’s IMD.

Though IMD is all about promoting positive male roles and celebrating the men in our lives; the fun and frolic should not ignore or forget those millions of men whose emotions are crushed daily as part of normal societal transactions.

It’s time to remind the society by way of this theme that “Men are Emotional Beings” and hurting their emotions hurts them. If the society does not stop the emotional violence on men, there is no way to bring down the crimes committed by them. Once again, as always, choice belies with the society.

This International Men’s Day – November 19 2010 – lets us all pledge to take care of the emotions of men remembering that “Men are Emotional Beings”.

 

Balance according to you is toeing your line of thought and perspective. "Balance" can never be one-sided opinion. Most members in this forum have one-sided opinion - the feminist line of thinking. Is that fair and balanced?

I challenge popular views because they have been popularised and nothing more.