I need help!!!!!!!!!!!! its crazyyyy-- I CANT say NO

Originally Posted by tashidelek2002

You missed an opportunity to go over and take everything...all the Tupperware!! ......

Tina yeah....I didnt think of that

Originally Posted by meVaidehi

I would say be politely political like her. Jiski topi uske sar. Next time when she asks you for any equipment smile and tell her you know what this is just for $... and you get real good variety in xyz store i'll take you there tomorrow so that you can buy all these things like VC, blender etc. Either she will buy or won't ask you again for those things. If she does repeat it.
I really wouldn't like to share things like that often with someone. What if she uses your blender for some non veg item? God even i am veggie and wouldn't tolerate anything like that at all.
For friendship, i believe we really cant be friends with someone who irritates us.
take care all the best

Vaidehi

Thank you for sharing your thoughts maa....I am becoming stronger now to say NO

Vidya

Oh its so true, we can get wierdest of neighbours esp after coming to US, I am appalled that such people exist. I have seen all colors after coming here.

But one thing you have to learn before even saying NO's is , to take a neighbour or friendship slow.

If you know them only for 6 weeks how did you guys end up sharing an item in a grocery store. Never get close to anyone until u get to know them too well as 70% of the crowd is manipulative, you have to be careful.
That is a truth. If you meet 10 people only 3 will be fit talking and one being close.

You dont get close so fast, observe them, learn how they talk, read btw lines and dont give access to ur house to everyone that easily. Keep a distance and once you know they are good only then let them in.

If you dont do the initial ground work of being careful getting to know them then later on you have to the most stressful thing of cutting them altogether which will cause lot of burden.

Learn to judge people and do not think everyone is good. I have done this mistake plenty of times and gone out of the way to help finally to find them to be worthless of friendship and eventually getting hurt.

Your neighbour seems to understand ur pulse well and looks like a "Manipulative Mary". You dont need such friendship, slowly cut her off, act smart.

Originally Posted by kika

If you meet 10 people only 3 will be fit talking and one being close.

.

This is so true...i realised it lately....thank you for the response....

Dear Vidya

You are a nice lady.............There's no doubt abt it......

But in life sometimes we have to learn how to say "NO" too. And it's very difficult to say it but nothing is impossible.

I would suggest that in a gentle way you explain to that lady that it's too much now.......... You will always be here to help but now she is abusing on your goodness......... You have to tell her frankly because of her asking little little things everytime, you are facing pbs in your everyday life with your husband........... And more important thing for you is your husband, I guess!

You are not asking any favour from her and you have to live your life, you should be afraid to talk....... If she is angry, let her be, you are not doign anything wrong.........

You should not let other people abuse on your goodness, take a deep breath and explain everything clearly to that lady.

Take care
Samiirah

To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the world!!!!!!

thank you samiirah yes will keep that in mind!!

Hoooofff!!!... what a thread...lots of answer to my question also which i posted under money matters -DONATION Donation.

Thanks Nandhu for leading me here...

hi! its really something to get worried about. She is so irritating, why don't you tell her. Its okay if your friendship ends but atleast she will realize her mistake and you will live peacefully. She is taking you for granted and she is actually exploiting you. End your friendship before she ruins your life.

Originally Posted by Nandshyam

Vidya,

There are ways to say NO Vidya, blame it on many things and say NO and may be indirectly tell her that there are sales out there and she can buy one for them.

(1) The blender is working weird and you got good from husband for over doing stuff
(2) That you have soaked something for making and you need them
(3) The blender is cracked and you yourself has to buy a new one.

See, helping the new comers is NOT by lending everything for them to lead a life. You can direct them to where they can buy it at a best price and once in a while (remember once in a while) help them out. Else indians, sorry to say about the fellow country men/women, but they have this mentality to ride free on others stuff. And we for helping would look like stupids.

So dont worry, just once try to indirectly put it out there, that you dont want to keep lending. And for such people who could not even buy few $$ worth of stuff for you from the indian store, you should be smart too.

I wouldn't even give any excuses! Just tell her that, she should go buy all the household necessities instead of having to go to someone's house everyday to ask for it! It might sound bad the first time, but then it will be less heartache for you! Plus, are they even worth being your friends if thats the case?! They dont have to be your friends just bcos they are Indians..and trust me, if you dont let her borrow your blender etc everyday she will go buy it if need be and with your friendship too...if you dont continue to be frioends with her, she will very well find someone else to mooch off from! Dont be a sucker to people like them!

She did buy the blender finally,,,and by that time I already learnt to say NO. My prblem was that I was thinking we are Indians and if we dont help our own people who else will...so everytime she thinks of something I used to say i have at my home pick it up..and that thing has become so worst that they started picking the soil for plants till use and throw plates and cups....nasty...

anyways now I dont offer help or open my mouth. i am just totally off of their behaviour...seems like they too got my point