Do Americans treat us differently?

sunitha · Jan 20, 2007

I have been having this question in my mind for a long time now.From the time I moved to the U.S(about 2 yrs back) till about 6 months back,I did not feel it too much since my interaction with the outside world was very limited.

But for the past 6 mnths,my son is going to school.I usually drop and pick him up from school.Most of the other children in his school are either American,African-American or Mexican.I get to see a lot of the American parents during this time who also come to drop/pickup their kids. I feel they just look through me like as though I am invisible or they don't look at all.Even if I try to look at them to say a 'Hi',how can I even try when they don't look at me. They deliberately try and avoid any interaction with me. Among themselves they get along very well eventhough they have all met each other at the same school only and that too,they have known each other for a few months only.Is this because I am an Indian?

My intention is not to build a life-long friendship with any one of them,but to just get to know a few of the parents who send their kids to my son's school,so that while I wait to pickup my kid,I can atleast chat with someone.I feel so looked down upon sometimes.

Do any of you here in the U.S feel the same way ?

sravugarimella · Jan 20, 2007

Hi

Hi Sunitha,

After reading your message I could not resist to reply. I had a similar situation but the only difference is I am in UK. I work full time in a Software house so Its difficult for me to drop my kid off and pick him up. Sometimes my husband does that or child minder picks him up. But I do get a chance like whenever I am on holiday or sick and I make sure I go to my son's school. I felt really awkward as everyone else will be chatting except for me. Also I felt bad as I did'nt get to know much about my son's friends. As you know the other parents dont make an effort to know about you (specially if you are from other country) so I decided to take that first step.
I invited everyone from my sons class to his b'day party and at that time I made sure I met everyone and had a chat with their parents. So you know atleast some parents whom you can get along. This really helped and from next time onwards when I went to school, if not everyone atleast I had someone to have a casual chat. So I just thought this could be useful to you too..

Last but not least, Dont feel awkward if they still do that, its there problem. You are what you are and never let anyone's behaviour affect your personality. Take care.

Regards

Sravanthi:wave

cheer · Jan 21, 2007

Not in Canada

That's what a big difference you find in Canada. Canadians treat us equally as one of them without any no discrimination. Canadians are really very generous & nice people. Although the blacks don't like indians. Even some of our friends who came from US were also complaining the same.

sunitha · Jan 22, 2007

That is strange,Cheer.Why are the blacks against the Indians?

Also,I would like to add that not all Americans behave indifferently with people from other races.Many of them are quite friendly.

I feel that many Americans are not able to distinguish between which person comes from which country.They treat all Indians,Pakistanis,Srilankans,Fijians,Bangladeshis and people from the middle east as one large race.To them,invariably,Asian means only Japanese or Chinese.Even though we are part of Asia,many of them don't know that.I think they resent us because they feel we are part of the middle east.:roll:

vivbass · Jan 22, 2007

yes,itz true

hello friends,
iam viji here. pls u all don't think iam complaining a lot.
here in UK v indians faced,facing lots of probs. v can't go out side after 5pm.
if they see indians they'll throw eggs,chicken pieces,what ever they have.
also in the shops they'll treat us as a stray dogs,they not even look at us also they'll use very bad words.
before v were in worcester city in UK,there v didn't face any problems,actually v don't know about the racism,becoz there lots of pakis r staying,so they don't know the difference between indians & pakis,there this Brits people see us they'll smile at u & be very friendly,becoz they all r scared abt pakis,but here in Hinckley,very worst situation. example is shilpa shetty in BIG brother prog.
but in india,defl'y v people give respect to foreigners. Defl'y iam proud to say iam Indian.
East or West India is the best.
u all must be thinking then y v r staying here,mainly becoz of financial matter.

jothi · Jan 23, 2007

Depends on the city

Hi Sunitha,
I am sorry that you have to go thru this. I live in CT. Here people are frinedly. My kids did go to preschool and I have been thru the situations like waiting to pick up the kids and chatting with the ofhter parents. I think if we go out of our way and try to strike up a conversation with the other parents, few of them might defintiely talk to us, if not all of them. We have to make an effort to to introduce ourselves and start talking.

My kids go to a public school. Now I try to go to their class as much as I can and try to help out during class events. My kids sometimes go to playdates to american kids' house and vice versa. I am not friends with any of these parents, but I do talk to them.

Now I work in the same preschool that my daughter went to. I work with 4yr old kids. The parents are really nice. Btw, where do u live. I have heard that some states here are more prejudiced when it comes to people from other countries. Hope this helps.

jothi.

sunitha · Jan 23, 2007

Dear Jothi

I am in Sacramento,capital of California. Sacramento is not known for racism.Infact,most of California consists of mixed races.I am encountering this indifference only in the school.However,the staff at the school are very friendly.

Maybe it will take time.

sonia · Jan 25, 2007

not same every where

Hi sunitha n all,

Its not same every where.When I was in Cleveland,Ohine of my frnd was sending her daughter to scl.Though scl was just at a distance of 10 min walk.And due to weather(very snowy) She was feeling trouble as she does't drive.Then one of her daughter's classmate mother told her by her own that she has seen her coming scl by walking on the same way she used to come.So if she is fine she can pick and drop her to her home as its on the same way.

Now in seattle I m also sending my daughter to scl.All parents r gud.Some r americans,some chineese,and some mexican.

vidyasarada · Jan 25, 2007

Hullo
I live in India, but have lived abroad and still travel every year. My experience is that though Americans show a pleasant face and say all the correct things like " How are u today ? " etc. they are not too eager to get friendly. There is always that invisible divide like a glass wall.
Thats the feeling I always get.
VS

sunitha · Jan 25, 2007

You are right on that VS,I have also sensed that 'invisible wall' many times.The 'How are you' or 'Have a nice day' are just words used for formality.

Sonia,should say you are lucky to have such good people around.I have a neighbour, a single woman,who is also very friendly.But such types are hard to find.

The past few days I have been trying out the advice of many of our fellow ILites-that we should actually go out and try to be friendly.Well ,no success till today!