Do Americans treat us differently?

Hi everyone,

We cannot generalise this topic...it surely depends on every individual and the persons we come across and our experiences with them.
I personally feel that, it is true that americans do treat us differently.......thinking about it...is it not natural for any outsider in any country for that matter?

Lets say if we see an american parent in a school waiting for their children in any part of India, we might do a similar thing by not trying to talk to that parent freely...right? We might just give a smile or some might even avoid that parent.

This topic reminds me of one such incident...couple of years back when me and my hubby were coming back from our one month visit from India, the INS officer at the port of entry said this to my hubby after looking at our passports "all you indians are snatching away jobs from us"...we both felt bad about that remark and that too from an INS officer. But what can we do....other than just digest that statement and give a smile and walk away.

And let me also tell you about an american lady (around 65yrs old) who just loves our culture and has read so many books about India and hinduism. She has travelled to India once and will be soon travelling this month again..and she loves visiting India. From her experience, she says that she gets scared shopping alone and walking on the streets in big metro cities in India. From her view we are not that friendly at all....we don't even smile and greet each other.

Hai,
you were all talking about people of other countries. But even in our country, there are many people who do not even say hai to a person they meet every day.
My son is now in the 10th std. Many of his classmates are there ,from the time he was in the KG class. Some of the mothers do not even smile at me, even after 12 years, although we used to meet daily.
Once I was bringing my son from school. His classmate and his mother were coming just behind us. Suddenly , my son fell down. This lady just passed away we were not even there, she did not even offer help. That boy still comes to our house to chat with my son or play with him during holidays. I always talk to him and treat him well.
People are basically the same every where, aren't they?

I live in Dubai and people from all the countries are here. More than Arabs, we see Asians and westerners out side. Whenever we see them they smile and some says hi. Arabs are very nice to us, smile and say salam. But most of the Indians wouldn't even smile at any one. Even if it is in India they continue the same. No need to go long for me , one of my Malayalee neighbours wouldn't even smile and talk to any one here. Then what about people from other countries?

I loved reading Sihi, Varloo and Safa's posts here as they hold some very valuable truths and a reflection on human kind. Good and bad, friendly and unfriendly people are everywhere in the world and we cannot generalize it to one community or country. This has always been my belief.
Also, I have to pause and think who this 'American' is! He can be white, black, brown, and all the other various shades of skin color and creed. More often than not, my Indian friends who have settled here for the past three or four decades call themselves Americans!
While living in Germany, I had the same problem in the beginning. Not a soul would talk to me or made an effort to get to know. I was depressed and did not like the country one bit in the beginning, even the language was strange. Germans are slow and conservative. Once the connection started happening, it was really sincere and they were honest and good friends. Those who did not want to be friends, did not make the effort. That was fine too, who wants and outward show of friendship which does not mean much.
On my visit to the nearby big city, I would get excited whenever I spotted an Indian family. I would try to get over my shyness and approach them and introduce myself and give them my address and phone number and express my desire to keep in touch. I have had many a heart breaking disappointments at the cold shoulder these Indians showed me! They either had no time or they said they did not remember me and gave some other very lame sounding excuses and avoided me. I slowly lost interest in trying to contact any Indians and even my husband discouraged me from it as he did not want me to hurt anymore. Eventually, I did get to know the Indian community very gradually. But by then, I was wiser and smarter and had no expectation from anyone, white, black or Indian!
Hence, we should remember, if it is meant to happen, it will happen, friendships and other things. All of us are lucky today, atleast we have our own Indusladies:))

L, Kamla

Unfortunately, I agree with you all Kamla,sihi,Varloo and Safa.Yes, our own Indians,many of them are unfriendly.There are four or five other indian kids in my son's school but I don't get to see their parents at all. I did see one parent the other day,but she looked the other way!

I think I feel this more because I get to see only the American,mexican or African-American parents whenever I go to drop/pickup my son and so I feel surrounded by a set of people who are so different.

However guess what? I have succeeded in striking up a conversation with one American parent and she seems like a person very eager to talk.Isn't that great?

Hi Sunitha,
it is nice that you have someone to talk to now. I do not know about people of other countries, but in India many people talk to you after considering many things like which place you are from, how rich or poor you are, and which caste or religion you belong to, the position of your hubby in job and the area where you live.
One acqauintance I met in Chennai said that Ambattur (where I live) is far away and that she had never ever gone there. She is born and brought up in Chennai and has not moved from her house to anywhere else except may be to shop in the city. I do not understand what is wrong or degrading in living a little far off from the city. It is one's own convenience or liking where one lives. We can never degrade a place just because it is not in the prime locality of the city. After all every body cannot live in the heart of the city.
As others said, organise a birthday party or something like that and invite the people. See how it goes.
As Kamla said, it is better to have one or two good friends rather than having a hoard of friends who are not sincere.

Varloo,you are from Ambattur and I am basically from Perambur,that is the only difference.Chennai is divided into only 2 regions by most Chennaites-North and South Chennai and Mount road is the line that runs thru' it dividing it.South of Mount Road is posh and north of Mount road (ok,maybe till Egmore or Kilpauk is posh)is backward.If you tell anyone you are from Perambur,they will give you that far-away look.Just think,Perambur is about 11kms from mount road and Thiruvanmiyur(my in-laws place) is about 13-14 kms from Mount road.But Thiruvanmiyur is well-developed and posh but not Perambur. Many people call Perambur as 'ooru' because they feel that it is a far-off place.

You are right,if you are from the suburbs,nobody thinks anything of you!

HI friends,

I always think that only I have been facing this problem, but, looks like everyone is going through it.

As varloo said, in NJ, the INdians themselves would not mingle properly. It is just that, they have their own groups and dont want to extend unless otherwise, they want to which is common with all kind of people. So, nowadays, I dont take initiative and am fine with it becoz, we dont have to break our head why no one is talking which leads to unnecessary tension, worries etc.., isnt it??

Rgds.

Dear Sunitha,

It is nice that you have were able to strike up a conversation with one person. It is just a start. I am sure soon you wont feel left out. As Varloo and Kamla said it will happen if it is meant to happen and the other person should share the same intent as you do too.

Jothi.

Dear Varloo,

I am from Villivakkam. It is nice to see some one from Ambattur and perumbur here. Someone once asked me where I was from in India(this is a person who was also from chennai). Sure enough I said, Chennai being the ignorant innocent person that I am. Obviously the next question was, whereabout in Chennnai. I said Villivakkam, only for the person to scoff at me saying Villivakkam and other peripheral areas, should not be even considered as Chennai. I was appalled by the way he said that. People like that have always irritated me. I have always wondered why north madras has not developed like south madras. Well it is a totally new discussion. Anyway it is nice to know that you are from Ambattur.

love,
Jothi.