US or India during pregnancy - You opinion please

Hello IL Ladies,

I am not sure if this is the right thread to ask this question but later decided to post it here as the issue is related to in-laws. I am cuurently in India staying with my in-laws. MIL has all usual characteristics mentioned by other people here like Possessive over her son, total control under her(including food to eat), backbiting etc etc. We had planned for a kid and I was going through fertlity treatments for the same ( MIL is not aware of our fertility issues) and I had conceived. MIL behaved same way with me even then and dictated what should I eat and also wanted me to do most of household work. I am working women and was working from home during pregnancy. But still she thought I am at home so expected me to do most of the work. She even didn't allow me to go to my mom's place saying things like u cannot go on this week this month etc etc. I jus ignored her and had foods as I wished and asked my hubby to appoint a maid for household work. This irritated her and she started behaving very rudely with me even if I was pregnant. Unfortunately I had a miscarriage. As expected, she blamed for this saying I didn't respect her etc etc. I am really pissed off with her and not in a mood to try again. She has become more nosy into our things these days and I am worried to go ahead with fertility treatments as well.

Now my husband has been asked to go to US on assignment for a year or so and I am planning to join him so that I can atleast stay away from her. But I am worried abt the cost ( our insurance covers most of the cost) and finding doctors etc etc in US. Also even if I conceive, I am worried about staying all alone in US after going through a miscarriage and I guess even my mom can travel only during the end of preganancy. I am also thinking how can I manage household work, cooking etc etc if I had to be on bed rest during pregnancy. Also staying in India is not a option either as now my MIL will have a good time dictating me what should I do and what I shouldn't.

So please let me know the pros and cons of coneiving and delivering in US/India so that I can make a effective decision.

Regards,
Malar

Originally Posted by malar_arasi

Hello IL Ladies,

I am not sure if this is the right thread to ask this question but later decided to post it here as the issue is related to in-laws. I am cuurently in India staying with my in-laws. MIL has all usual characteristics mentioned by other people here like Possessive over her son, total control under her(including food to eat), backbiting etc etc. We had planned for a kid and I was going through fertlity treatments for the same ( MIL is not aware of our fertility issues) and I had conceived. MIL behaved same way with me even then and dictated what should I eat and also wanted me to do most of household work. I am working women and was working from home during pregnancy. But still she thought I am at home so expected me to do most of the work. She even didn't allow me to go to my mom's place saying things like u cannot go on this week this month etc etc. I jus ignored her and had foods as I wished and asked my hubby to appoint a maid for household work. This irritated her and she started behaving very rudely with me even if I was pregnant. Unfortunately I had a miscarriage. As expected, she blamed for this saying I didn't respect her etc etc. I am really pissed off with her and not in a mood to try again. She has become more nosy into our things these days and I am worried to go ahead with fertility treatments as well.

Now my husband has been asked to go to US on assignment for a year or so and I am planning to join him so that I can atleast stay away from her. But I am worried abt the cost ( our insurance covers most of the cost) and finding doctors etc etc in US. Also even if I conceive, I am worried about staying all alone in US after going through a miscarriage and I guess even my mom can travel only during the end of preganancy. I am also thinking how can I manage household work, cooking etc etc if I had to be on bed rest during pregnancy. Also staying in India is not a option either as now my MIL will have a good time dictating me what should I do and what I shouldn't.

So please let me know the pros and cons of coneiving and delivering in US/India so that I can make a effective decision.

Regards,
Malar

Hi,

God has given u an opportunity to get away with u r MIL, I guess you must thank God and go ahead with it.

Initially it may sound complicated to go and live on u r own in other part of this world , but believe me things are much smoother and easier in USA. I can tell you this bcoz I lived there for couple of years. And like you said that u r insurance covers most of the things , then you don't have to worry abt anything at all. cooking is relatively easier in US as you get chopped veggies, ready made pastes n all. Cleaning and other household work is almost nil when compared to India. And most important thing is that, you can live at peace which will be incredible.

All the best

Hello Ladies,

Not so many takers for this topic. Did I post in the wrong thread ?? Do I need to move this to General discussions - USA thread ?? Moderators, can you help me here ??

Regards,
Malar

Hi Malar,

If i had been you. for sure i wll be ready to go to US. But before that just think if there is any chance of staying with your parents if @ all your husband alone leaves to US.If you have got a green signal better stay wth your parents.Why i am telling this is, since you have to take atmost care during pregnancy, so staying with parents is the best choice.

I know that you will have to face some issues if you wish to stay with your parents.If you feel that that ur MIL or ur hubby will make it a big issue plz do not think about it, obviously go with him to US. Utilize this opportunity; be free for an yr.

Managing all alone in US is not that big deal,Think about the menatl relief you get; Likewise take care of your health too; Here washing clothes or cleaning vessels is not a big deal; you will have to cook and clean the house; since u r not working hope it wont be a problem;

Take time and think about this.All the best.Take care.

My Dear i don't know abt the thread but u go with ur husband. happiness and togetherness has no cost. be with him and let him be with u. live with each other first then plan a third even if it means a year or 2 later. God bless.
suzie

Hi ,,

One of first few replies here ..
I join the chorus on the reply posts and suggest travelling abroad with your spouse. It's v impt to be relaxed and enjoy the journey of motherhood rather than get stressed. Household work can be even put off or seek ur hubby's help if required and it's way easier in western cts than back home. secondly not many ppl visit each other, only in weekends, so there is no need to keep the house spic and span. ready to eats can be used when reqd. we too were by ourselves when we had our child and i was working. though it was a tiring experience, it was enjoyable nevertheless. if it's just the two of you, your hubby will also join in the experience of going to the checkups, monitoring your well being and play a bigger role in the child-birth scene. i doubt that would be possible if you stay back. of cors, the risk in the entire scenario is how difficult the pregnancy is and whether you husband's schedule allows him to spare time at home. If these two factors work out fine, would suggest you join him.
wishes

Hello Ladies,

Thanks for the reply till now. I just want to make it clear here that I am not thinking about staying away from my husband when he is abroad. I'll definitely be with him or have to be as we are planning for a baby . In case if pregnancy ( that too my next will a high risk one as I have undergone a miscarriage) is very difficult to handle abroad, we are thinking of saying No to offer and stay back in India but at the risk of MIL's behaviour.

Regards,
Malar

Hi Malar

I guess you need to travel with you hubby now and enjoy life.....I assume you can come back to India as soon as you are due for delivery and land directly to your mom's place.....I guess your hubby might be in US only for a year and you can stay with hubby till your 7/8th month (which may even co-incide with your hubby's travel back home!!)...

So I'd say..Go away and enjoy life....u will not have a second chance....coz after your child is born, u will have to work out a number of things even before you think of travelling

Cheers!!
Anu

Come to US, having baby here is very easy and I feel the household jobs are very light here. YOu and husband can share chores here (men never step into kitchen in India, but here, they do, vaccuming carpet, dish washing, laundry etc.,). Here we always store food, freeze, or get take outs like chappatis, naan from restraunts. Life is much easy and having baby here shouldn't be any problem. Above all you'll have peace of mind and feel safe with just your husband.

Rithi