I'm totally depressed,can someone help me?

hi,
i live in the US and i have lots of personal tensions b'cos of our visa problems etc, now my mil is here with us and we also have some financial crisis, on top of it my parents keep irritating me with lots of their issues, may be i sound a little confusing, the actual issue is that already me and my husband,both of us are in tremendous pressure and our parents don't seem to understand, although when they talk they talk as if they understood us, but they are putting pressure on us indirectly.

both me and my dh are tryin to be very nice towards our parents, sometimes we are frustrated and we don't know when we will show it on them, both the side parents wants to prove that both have equal rights over us and our money.... like if we do something on one side and don't have the money to do on other side, they get irritated and makes us feel bad,
me and my husband feel that nobody understands us and that they put lots of pressure on us directly and indirectly, what should we do? how are we supposed to tackle them, they are very emotional and sometimes i feel they're emotionally black mailing us . we're kind of people who try to keep everyone happy. How should we handle elders without hurting them,

generally we feel parents are the only people in earth who understand the kids problems, but in our case it seems to be the other way, what should we do?

suggestions would be really helpful

thanks
radha

Hi Radha,

I fully understand how emotionally drained u r. I can understand the kind of frustration u feel when parents from both sides do not understand u and hubby! Like u said, they are old, and u cannot hurt them. True! But since ur MIL is here, I am sure u and hubby can sit her down, and smilingly in a very general tone, bare ur heart out, in the sense share ur problems. maybe she will lend a sympathetic shoulder. Same with ur mum, make a call and cry ur heart out, I don't see why she would'nt understand ur pain.

We live in a world, where all are bothered only abt. themselves, and sometimes we just need to bear our hearts and let close ones know that all is'nt hunky-dory, and we ahve problems too. Just beocz we are nice and accomodate everyone, and keep smiling and put smiles on others faces, it does'nt mean that we do not have problems and pain! Try Communicating! All the best!

hi,

i can understand ur position. the first action to relieve from this is "NOT TO TAKE ANY OF THE ISSUES TO UR HEART AND MIND". C this is a very common scenario, it does happen to many people. This issues becomes a serious matter only if u keep on thinking abt it.Once our get us married they get a complex as though we are no more close enof, particularly most of the MIL's think tat their son may not shower love on them due to the new relationship and commitment. We cannot make them understand as we imagine. C to tat u dont speak abt the happenings in ur side to ur in-laws, say like, if u get them any things and also dont update everything to ur parents like my in-laws asked this & that, they want this & that blah..blah...blah...

U both spend time with ur parents often not like just taking them out or watching movie..speak out with them; day by day increase that and stress that u care them in an indirect way.

Dont think this as a big problem, which will eat all ur patience and peace. I know it is easy to advice, but still it will help u a lot. Doctors say that once adults reach 50's they start going back to their childhood. They need our love and care as kids do. Patience is the only medicine.

No worries. Cheer up. All in the game. Have a nice day.

hi my dear ur parents will only understand if u share ur problems with them. since they are in the dark you cant blame them.if you share your feelings with them u will feel better and thay will also communicate their share pf problems. life is too short to mull away and remorse. be happy and spread your happiness. all will work out fine if u have a positive approach!!

Dear ANK, Cindhuja and Priyu,

thank you all for your response. As suggested by you i tried talking to my mil here all the problems we're facing etc and she listens to everything and in the end she does what she wants to do, as if we were explaining everything to the wall. My SIL is pregnant and obviously my MIL is more interested and worried about her than us.

When it comes to my parents, i do explain everything to them, they also respond and that response makes me feel that they understood me but their actions don't.

they just want more and more from us, why is it that people don't try to understand us and why is it that always we who have to understand them!!!!

i'm losing my patience and kind of worried that it will show one day in open and it might hurt everybody....
i feel like crying and so depressed.....
Please pray for me guys, i do believe PRAYERS ARE ALWAYS ANSWERED, so please pray for me. i'm feeling too much of pressure...

Radha

Hey radha you are soo true. Both the parents feel insecure that we are partial with the other one. Just try to explain and move on. You have your own family to take care and just ignore sometimes about these. Its hard to satisfy everyone and i mean it. We do to the best of our mind and heart. Thats all we could do, we have so many pressures ourselves.

cheer up.