Friends and feeling lonely

anjalianjali · Jul 5, 2011

Dear Indus Ladies, I was not sure where to post this topic so I picked the closest. Please feel free to move it if necessary.

I am a newly and happily married woman who is living in the states. My husband and I have several sets of friends whom we hang out with on occasion. However, he is now doing some work in another town for the past 2 months and I am feeling very lonely. The friends that we spend time with never call, it is always me who has to make the contact and ask if anyone wants to go for coffee or dinner. The only time I get calls is if they want to vent problems or ask for help.I am feeling myself getting bitter about it and its not a nice feeling. These are the only people I know in the city and it is very hard for me to make new friends as I have a busy work schedule.
Does anyone else feel like this in their town? What should I do? How much time is normal to spend alone (at home or outside?)

Soumedh · Jul 5, 2011

hi Anjali,
This is my experiance too.
Offlate I was fade up of taking initiative for get to gethers and courtsey phone calls,emails etc.
I too totally stopped making phone calls for some days... and believe me it has worked.Now they have started calling me.
I completely agree that some people when they need help or to vent on their petty issues only will call.
To have your peace of mind you can do one thing,if you really enjoy their company and feel good after talking to them then continue doing that and dont expect from them.I know its difficult when response is only one way but definately you also try to make new friends and contacts.When you start expecting from others it will make you feel sad so dont expect.
Regards

anjalianjali · Jul 10, 2011

Hi thanks for the reply. I was thinking about just not trying to connect with them any more and see where that leads. My problem is that I think I expect too much response from them and feel frustrated when nothing comes back.
The hardest thing on earth is learning how to be comfortable by yourself with no one else for conversation. It is especially worse with husband being away for so long.

Am trying to make new friends, lets see how that works out.

How often does one hang out with friends anyways? I like to get out and see people at least once a week, but is that too much?

Jmusic · Jul 10, 2011

I too am facing similar situation lately. I try and try to get everyone together and they either do not respond or make excuses but I know they are not busy. Most Indian women here do not work and most of my friends do not have kids too so I wonder what it is that keeps them busy all the time? I am really fed up and long for good friends from my childhood. I am tired of all these fake friends and their fake excuses.

meetasankhe · Jul 11, 2011

hmm...sounds somewhat familiar.

Here in my case , I do have fun when we all meet up , but only problem is most of the times I end up hosting. Few in the grp are bossy n mean , who r kinda of there for each other themselves and colelctively n tactfully push things on ppl like me . Then since I do not have majority , I can not really say anything. Luckily I will be busy most of the week days , on weekends whenever I want I call them n have fun...hopefully one day they realise their faults...jst want to say that we are all in same boat more or less.
So one thing I have understood ,its difficult to get some real good friends. same time we do need friends in this country..Coming to ur issue think of urself as someone who intiates things...do it consecutively...which should make them realise..hopefully
Books ! real best friends in my opinion...get into habit of reading...helps most times !

navs23 · Jul 12, 2011

This is a common problem abroad. Try to keep yourself busy by watching tv, reading books, going for walks, listening to music etc. It is very hard and almost impossible to find a true friend here who will knock at your door casually to say hi(even if in same apartment) and really spend time with you. One has to call, check for availability, plan and then meet formally. I used to frequent few friend's house before whenever I was free, but since they never visited my house(other than formal dinner invitations), I stopped going too. Agree with Meetasankhe, books, internet and tv are one's real friends and you would have gained some knowledge too rather than accumulate nonsense gossip about who did what with their life!!!

ravioli1970 · Jul 17, 2011

ya i've had similar experiences. people r v nice when they meet u but otherwise u r the only one calling. i dont know what is the issue. it seems people really dont want to meet anymore. i just keep busy w activities and stopped thinking abt people but its always good to have friends to talk to!

anjalianjali · Jan 4, 2013

Hi guys,
Doing better now, have made some friends, no one close but I keep occupied with husband, work and home. Its nice to know that I am not alone in wanting close friends and not getting anywhere. I think I have just learned to deal with it and be happy on my own. Friends will come when they will.