Teen Daughter has a Boyfriend

Ok I am calling every mother in this forum to help me.

My teenaged daughter has a boyfriend. She didn't tell me but I found out about it when I went to her tuition class one day and saw her talking to that boy. I asked her and she admitted that they are dating.

Now, I am terrified.. My daughter is an angel and I know that she is a good girl an won't do anything stpid... But I feel that I must educate her about sex and other issues regarding dating.

Can anyone help me...? I live in a joint family, so a very open talk with the the whole family is not possible.

I live in a joint family, so a very open talk with the the whole family is not possible.

You do not have to talk with the whole family regarding this. Now she is YOUR daughter and so YOU need to talk to HER ONLY. So, take her out some time...it should be you, your dh (if you think he is helpful in the conversation,if he is one to lose temper then he better stay home) and your dd only...and talk casually about it. Find out how she feels and help her. Do not try to judge her the moment she starts to open up. Keep your cool...this is most important.
You might also want to find out about the boy and his family. I do not intend to say you need to judge the boy from his family but just to get to know the family is always safer.
Tell her to finish her education, settle down with a good job and then she can think about marrying. Till then she can have him as a boyfriend.
Regarding sex etc please insist that after marriage only. Answer her queries very honestly.
This is my


All the best. Do not involve any other family member in this except you and your dh.


Let us hear from other IL who are more wise.

Adara

Hey Sushma,

Start from the positive - your daughter did not lie to you when you asked her about that boy, she admitted that he was her boyfriend. I am not sure if there was a struggle to get this from her, but whatever it maybe, she was honest.

Try to find out more about him, at ALL costs, do not judge her. Tell her, that she is a very pretty girl, and its natural for boys to be attracted to her and be around her. Its never too late to have the birds and bees conversation with your child, as she gets older and develops, you can start talking to her about it and its important for her to be educated about her body.

Please try to avoid the shame on the family talk, its not going to get you anywhere, if anything, empower to feel that she has power to stop any unwanted advances from him and listening to her inner self when in doubt.

My mom and I are best friends, she would sit me down and talk to me with age appropriate stuff and honestly, I never even realized it was anything of this sort. And when I went away to college, she never really pushed anything onto me, and believe me everything she taught me, stuck, it was as though it was engraved!

Your daughter is blossoming, and there will be bees around every flower, and you can't chase them all away, but you can tell her how to take care of herself!

Best wishes!!

Talk to her politely...do not discuss this with family
do not advice her...
tell her the plus and minus of having boyfriend in teenage..
tell her how study/education is important in life...
finally ask her to take a good decision...
DO NOT ASK HER TO STOP anything...ask her to know the limits....

Shiva

Hi
i agree with all the ladies here and first you need to be your daughter's best friend and be open with her and she will trust you more and she will become open with you, tell her studies are important as well. Talk to her like a friend and be there for her.
Good luck
love
alpa

Sushma,

I wish I had an understanding mother like you. If my mother finds out that I have a bf, she will bury me then and there. Anyway, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a bf and don't control her too much as it will make her want to meet that guy even more.

The situation needs to be handled with care. As it is a joint family, you need to talk to your dear daughter alone. More so, there is a chance of other family members finding about it.
Times have changed. Youngsters behave these days behave very differently now. While boyfriends are Ok, you must tell your daughter about good touch and bad touch, not to fall for tricks of boys like staying over or late night parties, and be alert at all times. Sex etc should wait for marriage.Check out the social background of the boy and guide your daughter to stay away if the boy is unsuitable.

Hi Sushma,

I am yet to get married in this november and mine is a love marriage, when i told my mom about it she dint get angry first of all. she moved friendly with me and i too told her how good my BF is and he too spoke to my mom well and both families liked each other, well we made them like each other. So its better as others said that you talk to her in person. If she is only a school girl it ll definitely be a crush or an infactuation, so u teach her what happens at this age and all the stuffs, becoz i too had some crush and all during my skol days and i discuss it with my mom. So its better you deal it with great care and try to learn more about that guy. See if he is not a harm to your daughter, thats more important and for gods sake dont get angry with her or annoy her, be patient at the maximum, since we daughters ll try to become more attracted towards the guy wen our moms scold us.! Since i have faced both the love side as well as a the way my mom dealt with me in my love im telling you this. Find out about that guy first and trace her character. Be more friendly with ur daughter, and becoz of this dont doubt her for each and everything she does, she might not like it.. Just a small advice.. hope it ll help you out.

Tomor i ll also become a mother and got to face all these issues!

bharu

How old is she? Please make sure that you tell her all about safe sex and AIDS... Don't get me wrong... I am sure she is a very nice girl, but teenage love is very powerful. Don't be shy in talking about these things.

Originally Posted by Saveourplanet

How old is she? Please make sure that you tell her all about safe sex and AIDS... Don't get me wrong... I am sure she is a very nice girl, but teenage love is very powerful. Don't be shy in talking about these things.

Hi thats the advice I would give my daughter... I've had alot of BF in my young days but in those days we were conditioned about taboo "sex" but times are different and kids experiment more nowadays so better be sensible and for heavens sake don't PREACH...

Why the panic? its all very normal to have BFs and whats the big deal?

cheer up you girl is growing up. Tell her that you have full confidence in her and your parenting...