reasons for divorce

hi all,

I start this thread with broken heart and shock.when we talk about divorce,we talk about dowry harassment and many reasons which are against men.But now a days the scenario is changing.One of my brother's friend got married last year.he is a well settled and a very good boy.His parents are also very good.They demanded nothing from the girl side for marriage.The girl was also very happy and Her parents spent a lot and performed the marriage in a very grand manner.The girl used to go out with him and they were happy till marriage.She presented gifts to mother in law.but the real fact was that she was impotent.After 10 days of the marriage she went to mother's house without even informing her inlaws or husband.She did not return.when the boy went to see her,she asked him to take divorce.She did not even tell the reason.The boy's family fell in deep sadness and because the laws in india favour women they had to be silent till divorce.Now even if he go for second marriage he is considered as a divorcee.

THis is not the only case,i heard 3 cases like this within a month.Now a days since the girls have become independant, they claim divorce for even silly reasons.
If they do not like the marriage,parents should not force them.

parents of girls must first get the girls consent and then only proceed.

This would avoid unnecessary marriage spending(which is huge nowadays) and also avoid the other family getting hurt for no reason.

If THis is hurting anybody's feelings please i am sorry.if you have seen any similar thing please share with us so that awareness can be created.

this is the first time i am hearing about impotence in woman, and sure here it is the emotion that get battered more instead of other things a man is being blamed and the scene is too bitter for any to forget. what u say is true if only they could wait for the children to make up their mind. it is the mother or parent who will know the child better to see guys with her in mind, so that they will thank the parent instead of property and standard and money all over..sunkan

dear vkithika,
i am posting this here so that others can benefit too, it set me thinking what is the outcome to something like this....


Over 40% of adult women experience sexual dysfunction at some time in their life.

Female sexual dysfunction is a complex and problematical issue, and medical opinion on the causes and treatments vary enormously.

There's no doubt many women have been treated successfully for sexual dysfunction, but health advocates claim that pharmaceutical companies are attempting to turn normal female sexual function into a medical diagnosis, in a race to manufacture the first female impotence pill.

A recent survey conducted on over 300 women with sexual dysfunction indicated that the focus for treatment should be on meeting their physiological and psychological needs rather than studying their medical condition.

The researchers claimed that over 45% of women in the study believed their sexual disorders could be overcome with more understanding, compassion and intimacy from their partners, rather than by taking a little blue pill [like Viagra].

Many women believe in the old adage that a woman's sexuality emanates from "between her ears" not "between her thighs".

Female sexual dysfunction is categorized into four types of disorder:

• Lack of sexual desire
  
  Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) is characterized by a total lack of interest, or an aversion to sexual overtures, stimulation and sexual activity. Women who experience HSDD rarely fantasize or think about sex.
  
  
• Lack of sexual arousal
  
  Female sexual arousal disorder (FSAD) is defined as the inability to achieve or progress through the "normal" stages of sexual arousal. Women with FSAD have no interest in initiating sex and avoid sexual contact.
  
  
• Discomfort or pain during intercourse
  
  There are two categories within this disorder:
  
  Dyspareunia is defined as pain or extreme discomfort in the genital area, particularly the vagina, before, during or after sexual intercourse.
  
  Vaginismus is an involuntary contraction of the muscles around the vagina which makes penetration during sexual intercourse difficult or impossible.
  
  
• Inability to achieve orgasm
  
  Female orgasmic disorder (FOD) is the inability to achieve orgasm as a result of sexual arousal or intercourse. Orgasm is a learned response for women - it isn't an inherent response as it is for men.
  
  Anorgasmia, or the inability to have an orgasm regardless of the circumstances, affects between 5% and 10% of women. It's often the result of inexperience, a lack of understanding of the female anatomy, cultural influences, inhibitions or sexual trauma.

Causes of Female Sexual Dysfunction

Up until recently it was believed that female sexual dysfunction was "all in the mind". The American Psychological Association still classifies female sexual problems as mental disorders.

Specialists in the field of sexual dysfunction are now looking at physical, psychological, physiological, environmental, cultural, and relationship issues to determine the overall cause of the problem.

There are a number of differing perspectives on the causes of female sexual dysfunction. These include:

• Adequate blood flow to the pelvic region is a basic requirement for sexual arousal in women. Insufficient blood flow (particularly to the clitoris) impairs arousal, reduces sensitivity and causes vaginal dryness. Decreased blood flow is associated with medical conditions such as diabetes, hardening of the arteries (artherosclerosis) and heart disease.
  
• Damage to the nervous system, particularly in the pelvic region can impair sensitivity. Diabetes affects the peripheral nervous system, as can spinal cord injury and surgery to the reproductive organs, pelvis, or lower abdomen.
  
• Hormones, in particular estrogen and testosterone, play a vital role in a woman's sexual arousal and function. Many women experience reduced sexual desire, impaired sensitivity of the breasts and clitoris and vaginal dryness following menopause or hysterectomy.
  Long-term use of the contraceptive pill can also affect hormone levels and lead to reduced sexual arousal.
  Emotional and hormonal imbalances occur during and after pregnancy, particularly if a woman chooses to breast-feed. These imbalances can lead to a lack of sexual desire and reduced sensitivity.
  
  
• More recently, emphasis has been placed on the partner's role in overcoming female sexual dysfunction. Poor communication, a woman's inability to express her desires, and a lack of knowledge about a woman's anatomy and the physical processes involved in sexual arousal and stimulation are considered to be prime causes of female sexual dysfunction.
  
• Other causes for female sexual dysfunction include:
  1. Depression/anxiety disorders. The drugs used to treat these disorders also contribute to sexual dysfunction. Anti-depressants such as Prozac® and Xanax® are commonly associated with loss of sexual desire.
  2. Alcohol and drug dependency.
  3. Stress, fatigue and other emotional factors. Concerns and stress about family, children, work, finances, household and health related issues often leave women incapable of focusing on sex.
  4. Sexual abuse or incest.
     
  5. Feelings of shame and guilt about sex.
     
  6. Fear of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases.

Female Sexual Dysfunction Treatment Options

• Female Viagra
  
  The question often arises: "Men have Viagra®, but what about Viagra for women?" The good news is that although drug companies haven't come up with a version of female Viagra yet, on-going research suggests that male impotence drugs like Viagra may help treat sexual dysfunction in some women.
  Viagra (sildenafil) and similar impotence drugs work by increasing blood flow to the sexual organs, which heightens stimulation and sensitivity. Women who have used Viagra report increased sexual arousal, enhanced lubrication, and more intense orgasms.
  
  The use of Viagra for women has not been granted FDA approval, but doctors are able to prescribe it to women who they believe may benefit from this type of medication. Pfizer®, the manufacturer of Viagra, reports that well over 150,000 women have been prescribed Viagra.
  
  Non-prescription topical creams like Viacreme® and Vigorelle®, which are applied directly to the clitoris, work effectively in a number of women by dilating clitoral blood vessels and increasing blood flow, thereby heightening sensitivity and arousal.
  
  
• Sexual Education
  
  Studies by sex and behavioral therapists have shown that in a number of cases, female sexual dysfunction occurs as a result of lack of knowledge by both partners about a woman's sexuality, and her physical and psychological needs during sexual activity.
  
  Specialized therapists suggest that both partners need to effectively communicate their stimulatory needs and desires to each other. Taking a realistic approach and examining the physical act of sexual intercourse, including foreplay, is believed to help couples discover where and how problems develop and what can be done to overcome them.
  
  
• Hormone Replacement Therapy
  
  Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) helps restore normal sexual function to women who have sexual dysfunction due to fluctuating hormone levels. These hormonal imbalances generally occur as a result of menopause, hysterectomy, hormone disorders (such as hyperthyroidism) and surgery.
  
  A common side effect of decreased levels of estrogen, particularly in post-menopausal women, is vaginal dryness, which can be treated by using lubricants.
  
  Hormone replacement treatment needs to be monitored carefully by a doctor to ensure the right dosage is prescribed.
  
  
  
• Other treatments
  
  Like most medical disorders, the best place to start is with a visit to a medical specialist. A physical, psychological and sexual history will usually point to any underlying cause that may be contributing to female sexual dysfunction.
  An effective treatment plan may involve a referral to a sex therapist, behavioral therapist, or psychologist for further evaluation, hormone treatment, or medication.
  
  Female sexual dysfunction can occur as a result of prescription drugs, so the doctor will generally ask for a list of current medications. The contraceptive pill, anti-depressants, mood stabilizers and blood pressure drugs are all known to contribute to sexual disorders.

dear sunkan madam,

thanks for giving your valuable information.I think more people will get awareness by this.In the case i mentioned,actually the boy was ready to take her to the doctor,because he loved her so much.but the girl refused.

now a days girls are educated and very intelligent.They should understand their problem first and should be ready to consult a doctor.THere is absolutely nothing to feel shy about it.Their parents should take the responsibility to cure her without hurting her values.

As per the post the girl was impotent and she found out after 10 days of marriage, the boy who she was seeing before marriage (and hence it can be safely assumed that she was comfortable with him) offered to take her to the doctor, but she preferred to take on the publicity of being impotent and ended the marriage. And yet the bad publicity i.e. divorcee goes to him???

I cannot speak for the girl in question, but it has been proven over and over, that Indian women will bend over backwards to make their marriages succeed and the younger girls are not that different.

It is easy to point at the younger generation, but to know the facts from her side, it would be necessary to get her side of the story, which she may never tell.

hi sugarnspice
I think there is some miscommunication.The girl's family and the girl knew the fact before few years.She refused to marry but on her family's pressure she agreed.But unnecessarily because of this, the boy's future is spoiled.If she is not interested in marriage,being an educated,independant girl(she earns a good salary too),she should have refused to marry.THis is not the only case.I heard 3 cases exactly like this in 1 month.Peaple think that losses are only for girl's families.But even the boy's family and boy suffer the losses.these are not olden days where people hide some facts to get their daughters and sons married.Now the whole scenerio has changed.Both are well educated,independant.This thread was started just to create awareness not to hurt anyone's feelings.If any thing wrong,please i feel sorry for that.

I don't understand how a girl can find out that she is impotent within just 10 days of marriage !!!!! And what does impotence mean for a girl ??? Do you mean that she cannot have a child. Something is amiss here For many couples especially in an arranged marriage it can take even up to a year for a sexual life to be established. Many girls are terrified about sex and the pain caused during the first sexual encounter. How is it possible for the girl's family to have known this before marriage !!!!
And hey what does education and independence have to do with this !!! Does everything have to be blamed on the girls education and financial independence !!! And I am not clear on what issue you are trying to create awareness on. Could you please elaborate.

Thanks,
Kavya.

Originally Posted by vkrithika1

hi sugarnspice
I think there is some miscommunication.The girl's family and the girl knew the fact before few years.She refused to marry but on her family's pressure she agreed.But unnecessarily because of this, the boy's future is spoiled.If she is not interested in marriage,being an educated,independant girl(she earns a good salary too),she should have refused to marry.THis is not the only case.I heard 3 cases exactly like this in 1 month.Peaple think that losses are only for girl's families.But even the boy's family and boy suffer the losses.these are not olden days where people hide some facts to get their daughters and sons married.Now the whole scenerio has changed.Both are well educated,independant.This thread was started just to create awareness not to hurt anyone's feelings.If any thing wrong,please i feel sorry for that.

hi kavya,

Impotance does not mean inability to have a child.It has lots of meaning.disinterest in sex.She hated marriage because of this.she had also consulted this with her parents.Olden days people used to tell after marriage everything will be ok.She would have undergone any bitter experiences in her younger age.this may be the reason for this.If she had consulted a doctor everything would have been ok.Without interest in physical relationship why should she marry.she can be a spinster and lead her life happily.Consulting a doctor does not mean exposing publicly her impotence.this is the awareness i wanted to create.Just read the message given by madam sunkan.

I think it is a very small issue blown out of proportion probably because of the family's involvement and the girl's immaturity. Many girls are frightened about the first sexual encounter because it can be very painful. Especially in an arranged marriage both the girl and boy need time to know each other so it can take quite a few months to establish a sexual life. It is so hard to go and sleep with somebody you hardly know. Sometimes men might be very aggressive and this can really frighten women. What is needed is gentle understanding.

Thanks
Kavya.

Originally Posted by vkrithika1

hi kavya,

Impotance does not mean inability to have a child.It has lots of meaning.disinterest in sex.She hated marriage because of this.she had also consulted this with her parents.Olden days people used to tell after marriage everything will be ok.She would have undergone any bitter experiences in her younger age.this may be the reason for this.If she had consulted a doctor everything would have been ok.Without interest in physical relationship why should she marry.she can be a spinster and lead her life happily.Consulting a doctor does not mean exposing publicly her impotence.this is the awareness i wanted to create.Just read the message given by madam sunkan.

Absolutely! How did the girl know that she did not like sexual intercourse before her marriage and how did she communicate that to her parents?
If both partners in a marriage are virgins, it can be a little difficult not to mention painful without sex education to know what needs to be done!
And it has nothing to do with the amount of money she earns.
Perhaps instead of going to town with the story, a bit of empathy and some support was needed here!!!