Can We discuss about Loneliness ...My views & your views

HI Priya
what you told about your mom is same I am experiencing here in India after I came back from UAE after 10 yrs of staying there for my second delivery. My mother at the age of 65 love to stay alone(I lost my father 6 years ago). She is so much busy in her work, and some ladies club activities that she really feels disturbed if she has to even attend some marriage functions at home.
I came here with lot of expectations from my mom that i will be little bit relaxed but is really disappointed. So planning to go back to UAE.

Originally Posted by GPriya

Hi Subbu,

Well said..One cannot escape loneliness these days.

I am amazed at my mother, as she has been leading her life alone for the last 30 years almost..after my & my sis'd departure from home...ofcourse she was working as a teacher until her retirement in 1993. Now, the last 14 years almost on her own in a 2 bedroom apt in Chennai, watching tv (serials mainly)and visiting temples, pretty much taking care of herself and being extremely selfish in every way. I heard parents when they get old, they would love to spend some time with children, on the contrary, my mom does not like me or my sis and her kids visiting her as it disturbs her schedule of TV serials.

As your article rightly pointed out, as long as you keep yourself occupied in some way, you are ok. Nowadays, lot of old (window/single) ladies I know within the family and friends circle, would prefer leading a lonely life watching TV than meeting and spending time with children. When I go all the way from US once in 2 years, I spend exactly 10 minutes with my mother as she is not thrilled to see me or spend time with me or even entertain me with some food or outing. I feel devastated seeing her attitude( for the last 15 years), but since I am a philosophical person, I end up consoling myself that, she has done her duty and now its her time to enjoy. The last two trips to India, I didn't even make an effort to visit and disturb her, and when she came to know that I have visited her sisters(my aunts) it just didn't bother her even a bit. I really thought that immediately after my mother's retirement, she enjoyed her leisurely lifestyle, but until today, she is still enjoying without a care for anybody in the world.

Now, contrary to my mom, I have been working almost 25 years in life and due to some health issues, I took a break from my busy lifestyle for the last 2 years. I am so bored irrespective of my busy schedule doing almost everything mentioned in your article like yoga, pilate's, chanting slokas for an hour everyday, a good early morning walk, listening to good karnatic music collections, and ofcourse reading as I am an avid reader. With all this, I still feel lonely most of the time. I guess feeling lonely and actually being lonely are two different things in life. Some people even among a big crowd, won't feel the sense of belonging. Some always want to be lonely. So, it all depends on one's personality and to tell you the truth, my mom is mentally and physically very strong at the age of 72. Her loneliness didn't affect her in any way as she enjoys her life watching TV.

To conclude, what matters most is that you must enjoy the life you have, without feeling guilty in anyway. I guess it requires a certain frame of mind to do so. If you have it, you will never be lonely in life.

I guess I exceeded my quota in expressing my views, as I do enjoy your thought provoking articles.

Keep up the good work Subbu,
Geeth Priya.

Dear Subbu, Priya, and all,

Every one has their own perspective to share and ive mine too!!! Dear all!!! commenting on how others feel is quite easy-to-do task, but when it comes to us to handle loneliness is the worst part!! Every single word and existence has pros n cons and so does loneliness..
Ive experienced both!!! It gives you your own personal space and time to retrospect and mend and deal with situations, at the same time it overdoes on your positive energies also..
Being lonely for a long period makes a human stubborn,at times insensitive to things.. like priya mam has mentioned her mother's scenario. We tend to become insensitive towards certain relationships because we subconsciously analyze their end result. Hence we engross ourselves in other actitivities which gives us longing occupancy.
Dealing with time and managing loneliness is quite a gruelling task at hand and not all are equipped with it..
I personally have loads of mood swings which at times prove to be intolerant but i consider myself as a best manager of thoughts as i constantly try to fuel them with positive energy..
Loneliness to a major extent is hazardous and ladies lets try to help one and all to tackle and fight back...
We should also learn one more thing that never should we comment on someothers hard feelings because when fate hits back at you it truly parrys a hard blow..So lets help one n other..

Hi,

u r right

That too after marraige i feel more lonely

Originally Posted by subbutr

My dear friends,

Loneliness & How we experiance it....

Some may say Loneliness gives a person to think and improve the drawback, encourages to see the world behind him.

If we look into the cause of loneliness among Juniors and Seniors
( Youth & Elderly persons the qualitative properties of loneliness ).

It is shown that the feelings of loneliness in younger include much more of aggressiveness, restlessness and longing in comparison with elder.

The fact is, life is a series of transitions, from birth to grade school to graduation to job to marriage to children to retirement.

Every time we make a change in life, there is a tendency to experience loneliness.

We can have all the possessions and money in the world and be on an island by ourselves and we would be miserable.

We were created to be with one another. Many people relocate their homes.

Therefore we have no roots.

Separation by a career, by illness, by divorce, or by death can also cause loneliness.

When we are attacked, ridiculed or criticized, there is a tendency to withdraw and this causes loneliness.

When we feel we have been betrayed, forsaken or abandoned, loneliness can happen.

One of our greatest emotional needs is the need to be accepted.

When we feel rejected, it causes loneliness.

So how to cope with loneliness?

Some people take drugs, get drunk, go to computer dating services, or try other remedies.

I heard about a man who went to a psychiatrist to ask for multiple personalities so he would have somebody to live with!

UTILIZE YOUR TIME. Resist the temptation to do nothing.

Use your time to take care of your physical needs: eat right, get rest, exercise, stay away from drugs and alcohol .

Take care of yourself mentally: don't be addicted to TV, read good books and magazines.

Take care of your spiritual needs: read scriptures (it gives us direction, instruction, encouragement and hope), pray, and go to places of worship.

Take care of your social needs: develop friendships. (Take the initiative, be unselfish, be patient - friendships take time).

Find someone who is in worse shape than you and go help them.

MINIMIZE THE HURT. Don't rehearse pain over and over in your mind.

Don't get bitter and resentful. Nobody likes to be around a cynic, a critic, or a resentful person.

Address the issue; deal with it. Play it down and pray it up.

RECOGNIZE GOD'S PRESENCE. Where is God when you are lonely?

God is everywhere. There is no place you are that God is not.

Open your eyes and recognize His presence.

Life is beautiful, some times we need loneliness too for refreshing our thoughts and deeds.

Anticipation of a health discussions on this topic from all our Indus family members.

Subbu