Behaviour of Indians

Kavya,

I guess you mistook Krithika :) Its not that every desi out there is horrible and had to be ignored.. As Aarushi has said... there are some bad bugs and depending on places.. they might be more..

The points you had mentioned... everyone has a circle like that.. good friends you can rely on anything... with no restrictions... Who will go that extra mile to do it for ya...

but why not all desis be at least friendly is that question on most of the minds here :)

Originally Posted by ushavijay

,
B positive (is not my blood group)

Hihihihihihihihi

Hi Nandshyam,

I think I read her words right ) If each of us go through this exercise it will bring a lot of heart warming memories. Leave alone desis, I don't think it is humanly possible for any of us here to be friendly 24X7. Can you do it? I certainly can't. Some of us feel people don't smile at us, they don't have eye contact etc etc. It is all perception. We have our own moods, problems, issues and personalities.

The human mind tends to cling more onto negativities then the positives in life. For example if somebody says "I love you" you will say "really" but if somebody tells you "I hate you" you won't even doubt it for a second My blood group is B+ve

Thanks,
Kavya

Originally Posted by Nandshyam

Kavya,

I guess you mistook Krithika :) Its not that every desi out there is horrible and had to be ignored.. As Aarushi has said... there are some bad bugs and depending on places.. they might be more..

The points you had mentioned... everyone has a circle like that.. good friends you can rely on anything... with no restrictions... Who will go that extra mile to do it for ya...

but why not all desis be at least friendly is that question on most of the minds here :)


Hihihihihihihihi

Hi,

Each one has his or her own experience...when we came here we knew only a few colleagues from my hubby's workplace and one relative staying in Sydney.

i too experienced desi attitude initially...but slowly got used to it ,made a few close friends with whom I am always in touch ... .... ..

but this attitude is very much there ..and especially when you are away from your place and you see some familiar skin colour you just smile but they will not respond...but now slowly got used to this........

every desi abroad goes thru so much initially to settle here...but hardly a few will realise that .....

I make it a point to atleast smile when I meet some desi.... or rather smile comes automatically maybe when you see desis .

regards

Originally Posted by meera2503

Hi,

but this attitude is very much there ..and especially when you are away from your place and you see some familiar skin colour you just smile but they will not respond...but now slowly got used to this........

Very well said Meera. Kavya, this is what we were talking about. When you see some familiar faces, yours instinct would be, "Great to see someone from our place" and you casually smile. Now, no one is going to grab their money or anything right.. What is the profit/loss analysis that goes thru their mind, only God knows.. some might think as if we are crazy people smiling at some stranger and walk away. Now that attitude is wrong. No one is asking you to be friendly 24X7.. But when you are in a public place, the society expects some type of humane treatment from you. whatever mood you are in, why not these desis be in their own circle of mind and think outside the box.. Some stranger is cheering you up.. smiling at you and making you at ease. Nope.. Some people are so self centered, they think they are the only person in this entire world :)

Just walk in the big apple in a weekend. you will be amazed, how many will smile and talk briefly, from have a good day, hello, you look beautiful today, Hi... God bless and what not.. that too if you are jogging or walking in central park.. its the best place to be when your mood is not too good. Now thats the friendly atmosphere I am talking about. Not going and hugging and chatting and talking and making one feel trapped.

BTW, if someone says ILU, why would one say "really".. at least not me.. coz, I love myself so much ;) and I never let myself down to think that no one can love me you know

I make it a point to atleast smile when I meet some desi.... or rather smile comes automatically maybe when you see desis .
regards

Good for you girl :)

Originally Posted by Nandshyam

Just walk in the big apple in a weekend. you will be amazed, how many will smile and talk briefly, from have a good day, hello, you look beautiful today, Hi... God bless and what not.. that too if you are jogging or walking in central park.. its the best place to be when your mood is not too good. Now thats the friendly atmosphere I am talking about.

Dear Nandhu

No offense meant.But I stayed in the Big apple(right in the centre of Manhattan) for about 2 months initially when I first landed in the U.S.Big Apple is not exactly the most friendliest of places.Everyone there is too busy to even look at anyone.Ask any American and they will tell you that.According to the Americans themselves,California is one of the most friendliest of all states and having stayed there for 2 1/2 yrs,I too feel the same.

Hello Kavya,

Seems like you have gone back through the 7 years of your stay here in US and brought out some positive experiences to share with IL.

Excellent ! Infact if you have read all my posts & quotes...i've also mentioned the same. I've attached the posts...with just those points.

Agreed that all of us cannot be in a good mood 24x7 , but one cannot be in a bad mood at a particular time every day...right? ;)

Moreover, majority of the people never question when they get compliments or someone says " I love u " ! In fact they lap it up and don't ponder whether they are really worth it.

Again, since you mentioned human minds cling on negatives....sorry...i again beg to differ...all of my family members, relatives and my friends...all have a positive outlook...infact we tend to remove the negative aspects from everything. Otherwise, it is really tough to move with anyone, make friends or just live happily !

Usually, when we meet friends we share both + and --ve experiences...that gives a good outlet and vent for us. Similarly, in this thread, all the IL'ites are sharing their experiences here in US, irrespective of whether it is joyful or sad.

Kavya, O (h) , ( I am also) Positive !

Cheers
Krithika

Originally Posted by Jithiks

Hi,

I agree with most of you here. When I first came to US, I saw many desis who made a conscious effort to avoid each other.

But soon I got a very good friend..who explained the way of life here to a certain extent. So, I was lucky in that. Infact her husband also helped us a lot by showing places around Bay area a couple of times. Infact I befriended a couple of other good ladies too!



Bottom line is, meeting different types of indians....let us chalk it up to experience...after all..the world will be boring if all of us were the same...right?

Cheers
Krithika ( jithiks)

Originally Posted by Jithiks

Hi Kavya,


Again, I am not generalising that all of them are bad...no ..I would never say that...cos I have a lot of good friends here and many of them do keep in touch from other states too! They have never changed in the course of years.

But we have to face the fact, that there are desis who make a deliberate and conscious effort to avoid other desis...for reasons best known to them.


Again these kind of behavior has totally stopped bothering us and we have taken it as part of life...!


Sorry for this long post...but had to get my point thru....

Krithika

Originally Posted by Jithiks

Hello Kavya,

I believe you've not read my previous posts in full or probably misinterpreted my points.

Infact, whatever I've quoted, i feel you are repeating...meaning, i mentioned in my previous post that we cannot generalise all desis are bad!

I kept insisting that I have many good friends from all parts of US and they are still the same over the course of years.

You mention that even people from other cultures do behave like that and not to blame desis alone..but in this thread we are discussing about the "Behaviour of Indians"- it can be Good or Bad depending on the individual. We are not talking about all the other people in general..!

Again, I am not labelling that all Desis are bad....I dont want to keep repeating myself...but you will understand better if you read my previous posts.

Bottom line, we can be friendly with people who are approachable and maintain acquaintances or friendships with them.

Nobody has time to ponder as to why they had behaved this way or that...we have to move on and have a positive attitude ...automatically we gain friends!

Every one is entitled to their opinion and views...that is why Indusladies has provided this platform for a healthy discussion.

Krithika

Originally Posted by kavya007

Hi Nandshyam,

I think I read her words right ) If each of us go through this exercise it will bring a lot of heart warming memories. Leave alone desis, I don't think it is humanly possible for any of us here to be friendly 24X7. Can you do it? I certainly can't. Some of us feel people don't smile at us, they don't have eye contact etc etc. It is all perception. We have our own moods, problems, issues and personalities.

The human mind tends to cling more onto negativities then the positives in life. For example if somebody says "I love you" you will say "really" but if somebody tells you "I hate you" you won't even doubt it for a second My blood group is B+ve

Thanks,
Kavya

Hello Ladies:)

I'll not say that I haven't observed this 'behaviour'. My general feeling on this subject has been that there are 2 kinds of Indians in any foreign country... people who have settled in years before (either came as refugees or relocated much much earlier) and people like us who have moved in recently and may be do intend to go back to India someday. Why I tell this is I meet lovely couples (esp from Andhra atleast in many parts of Germany) who are here on short term projects and they look at my face (clearly south indian!) and never hesitate to say hello and talk like long-lost friends. But some others (whom I assume have been here for quite few years) do look at me and unsure whether to smile. May be they've already made friends and are happy with that cirlce! Apart from that for many Indians there might be language issues as well... i will not deny that I'm more comfortable speaking with someone who speaks my mother tongue (i don't speak hindi). I was hurt in the initial 6 months or so when I'd smile at an Indian and they'd turn their face away. But now I'm more open to someone who's willing to return my smile rather than ponder over the one who refused to acknowledge Latha

Originally Posted by sunitha

Dear Nandhu

No offense meant.But I stayed in the Big apple(right in the centre of Manhattan) for about 2 months initially when I first landed in the U.S.Big Apple is not exactly the most friendliest of places.Everyone there is too busy to even look at anyone.Ask any American and they will tell you that.According to the Americans themselves,California is one of the most friendliest of all states and having stayed there for 2 1/2 yrs,I too feel the same.

Sunitha... None taken ;) thats a shame.. you get to not meet the actual yorkers.. may be in future i hope.. I have been in the city for more than 10 years now, spend all of my weekdays there.. and most of the weekends too... I never regretted once !! this city is very close to my heart. Only when you LIVE here and not just visit you will feel it :)

When you say american, who do you mean ;) you do know that 87% of american dream is to be in big apple in their life and meet the people here, right? BTW, for every people they have their own comfort zone.. no state can be branded or prioritized.. only their fame can be :)

I am not saying every other individual you walk will come and cajole you or anything, as I mentioned earlier... obviously there are places in new york, you better not be alone ;) its same in all metro cities.. its not steady throughout.. but its the major mentality that matters :) if you know what I mean ;)

Dear Rajjo,

I might not say anything new..

But, wanted to share my words...

Basically, people feel insecured in a foreign county for some reason or the other. Those who are the Kings in thier native are totally small dots elsewhere. It is the general tendency.

After coming to US first I followed people's behaviour. As Meera told smiling became my second nature if I see any Indian, then. After sometime, got a handful of good friends.

Dear rajjo,
the very same experience i too underwent during our short stay say for 9 months in the US. though initially my husband's project was for 3yrs and more after sept 11th the company through which we were sent met with some problems and filed bankrupsy an wo we had to come back. but during the stay i could not make any friends as no one bothered to give even a smile as you have said. but you knlow people from that land were very friendly and infact they were asking abut my hand works, recipes etc at my son's karate class. even my sister in law who is awar from india said that only if we were rich desi would make friends. but i do not/did not think that way. i was very optimistic and i used to call those but they would never. i did not bother then and i kept myself engaged with many other things. but i should also mention that one couple from india Mr.rohit and anjali who were my son's karate class mates did help us a lot when we were about to return. so as some of you have mentioned we cannot generalise and conclude that all desis are same and there are good people for whom one has to wait patiently and look for them with a broad smile!!!!
geeth