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Do you share salary matters with friends?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by generic, Jan 21, 2016.

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  1. Jan 21, 2016 #1
    generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    As per my observation, sharing and comparing salary packages with friends who are of the same age and same batch passouts leads to unpleasant situations...Like 1 friend earning less than the other, gives the other friend a feeling of superiority like "we are from the same batch but I'm more successful and earning more than him/her.." while the person earning lesser salary may feel some embarrassment and insecurity maybe even jealousy over the other friend's success..After all salary is not always proportionate to skills or work done..sometimes people who hardly do any work but know to talk properly come up in the corporate ladder while genuine contributors are denied hikes and promotion due to office problem like office politics..Or maybe the company itself does not pay well and they are on lookout for a better job.
    There are very few people who would be genuinely happy with their friend being more successful than them. (it's human nature only)
    Also noticed, among a group of friends if one is earning big amount compared to all, everyone else expects that person to pick up the tab whenever they eat out together in restaurants, instead of sharing the bill...everyone would make comments like "oh come on, you're earning sooo much, you can sponsor the bill this time!"..It's ok if there is a special occasion but not every time..

    That's one reason I notice that some people share salary detials openly with all friends and acquaintances, some people are sharing salary package details with close and trusted friends only, while many people prefer to keep it confidential and dont tell anyone apart from close family people.

    This is not just mine but other known people's experience also.

    1. I want to know if it's a good practice to share financial and salary matters with friends? Are my above observations right or wrong. (Thankfully I escaped this situation for a while as I am not working now). How many of you who are working tell your salary details to friends or colleagues? and for what reason.

    2. Please give me examples of few smart replies you give when someone who is not close to you asks you to reveal your salary but you do not want to reveal it?? Some people mind their business but many are curious and ask this question again and again even if they dont get the answer. My cousin is facing this issue after she did post grad from a reputed university and joined work recently. Everyone is just too curious to know how much she earns and that irritates her like anything!
     
    generic, Jan 21, 2016
    generic, Jan 21, 2016
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  2. Jan 21, 2016 #2
    vani098

    vani098 IL Hall of Fame

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    ya u can share it wats wrong in it but do;;t share what r u dng with that money
     
    vani098, Jan 21, 2016
    vani098, Jan 21, 2016
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  3. Jan 21, 2016 #3
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    The search is on? :) For smart replies..

    Seriously, there are a few responses such as "oh I make enough" or "Still need to win the lottery" or "the more I make the more Uncle Sam /taxes take up"

    But more than that one needs to look at why the person was brave enough to ask. If it is an acquaintance or random person, then, any simple reply will do. If it is a relative or friend who kind of knows your nature, then, it helps to overall develop an attitude where people think twice before asking probing questions.

    I am thinking we need some general strategies on how to deal with unwanted inquiries in general. I could use some. Someone recently asked point-blank for financial help, and I was at a loss on what to say...
     
    Rihana, Jan 21, 2016
    Rihana, Jan 21, 2016
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  4. Jan 21, 2016 #4
    Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    People ask because many Indian families/friends have grown up (especially in 60s, 70s, 80s and perhaps 90s) with a "nothing wrong in asking" practice (since they truly believed nothing wrong in asking). "How many marks did you score in exam", "You got a new job. Whats the salary son, nephew, friend, grandson" etc. Common questions in India.
     
    Ragini25, Jan 21, 2016
    Ragini25, Jan 21, 2016
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  5. Jan 21, 2016 #5
    tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    I have been privy to salary information from several jobs in the past and the one thing that I know is people lie like rugs about what they make....I am talking 95%. If any of you think that your friends are telling the truth, you are way too naïve.

    OP: tell them it's none of their business OR you can tell them you make twice what you make. That should shut them up.
     
    tashidelek2002, Jan 21, 2016
    tashidelek2002, Jan 21, 2016
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  6. Jan 21, 2016 #6
    Rith

    Rith IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice thread. I would like to share my experience here. I use to share the salary details to my friends when they share. slowly the group got bigger. the newest member in our group asked for loan. I gave; 3 months later again she asked without repaying the earlier loan. I couldn't say no as she has become friend. The best part :p is when i said, i dont have as politely as possible she replied, in this month you got so and so bucks na, how come u dont have.
    I got wild and said "Same salary even you have got. repay my loan first"

    i realised the danger in sharing our salary details. From then on i stopped that habit eventually others have also stopped discussing about the money matters in groups.

    When my relatives ask "being in IT how much are you earning" I would simple reply as "Not as you expecting. We work for 100 Rs and get just 15 Rs as salary"

    It is a hypothetical question though as Ragini said
     
    Rith, Jan 21, 2016
    Rith, Jan 21, 2016
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  7. Jan 21, 2016 #7
    Lakshmipav

    Lakshmipav Silver IL'ite

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    It depends on person with whom u r sharing .. It could be friend or relative ..

    when u share if they comments like " oh u r earning less than my son or some xyz" it hurts ..

    so it's always tricky .. I know my neighbor aunt she is not educated but will ask everybody makes funny comments .. She asked me when I first got job in blore .. She catched me asked how much u earn now ur working in big city like that I replied +10k to ur sons salary .. No back comments .. If j say 50k she will say my son earns 60k ( no body knows what her son earn ) .. So my ans put a full stop there ..
     
    Lakshmipav, Jan 21, 2016
    Lakshmipav, Jan 21, 2016
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  8. Jan 21, 2016 #8
    MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    "Why do you ask?" usually works for me. Except for the nosiest Parkers I seldom have repeat offenders.
     
    MalStrom, Jan 21, 2016
    MalStrom, Jan 21, 2016
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  9. Jan 21, 2016 #9
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    But hard to use that with people whom we interact with often, no? I don't know... gets awkward... like, you get chatty in a whatsapp group or after some period of meeting due to an activity or volunteer work, find common interest and become friends. At one point, the friend thinks friendship is close enough to ask about salary, are you planning for (another) baby, etc...

    I am at the point where people ask point-blank for money help, or how much we have saved for college. When it is fairly evident you have some savings, how to say no for money help? When you've talked a bit about education, children, and higher studies, how to say that actuals of savings are off-limits?

    I am lucky to have 3 friends exactly with whom this thing is all figured out. I can simply tell/ask anything and no feelings get hurt if other person won't share. I ask for number of a professional service they are using, they don't want to tell, I say ok fine. But these are friends who are very very close, the call in the middle of night for emergency kind. The ones whose judgement I'd trust for my kids to seek advice on crucial topics were DH and I to kick the bucket prematurely.

    But for the rest of friends, acquaintances, relatives.. I also get lost at times on apt response - how to respond without causing too much hurt or losing that friend/relationship?
     
    Rihana, Jan 21, 2016
    Rihana, Jan 21, 2016
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  10. Jan 22, 2016 #10
    ssrgopal

    ssrgopal Silver IL'ite

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    in my opinion, there is always a danger in revealing the salary among the following categories:
    1. not-so-close-friends ->Outcome -> Just jealous, end up gossiping our salary.
    2. Immature-innocent-friends->Outcome-> Same, might take advantage with loans and stuffs
    3. In-laws/relatives/ >Outcome->Same issue, they will expect you to contribute more towards any function, take any new responsibilities inspite of knowing about your EMI, commitments... bla bla

    In short, it is better to share only with "close/reliable friends" , they will advice us in financial decisions and will not take advantage also.

    It is always a give-and-take only, if you CURIOUS how much your friend is earning without revealing yours.... Sorry ladies, that is not even gonna work.

    :yes:
     
    ssrgopal, Jan 22, 2016
    ssrgopal, Jan 22, 2016
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