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How to handle requests to borrow books by friends/relatives/neighbours/acquaintances

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by generic, Aug 3, 2015.

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  1. Aug 3, 2015 #1
    generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    I am fond of books, CD etc and I arrange everything neatly in the bookshelf..some of the books are rare older edition novels which are not so easily available, and purchased in book exhibitions...same thing holds good for CDs, most of them are of my favourite movies.

    During school, college I had the habit of sharing the books and CDs with friends and classmates. But that time the situation was different, as I was meeting friends and classmates at school/college daily, so we could exchange interesting books and CDs and return promptly. Also when someone forgets to return we can gently remind and get it back the next day itself. We were benefited as we could read books and watch movies from our friends' collections also.

    But now the problem is, anyone visits my place tends to go through the bookshelf and admires the collection , many request to borrow, saying that they will read that book/books or watch that movie/movies and return it back. But the problem is that they conveniently forget to do so.
    These are people whom I may meet very rarely, maybe some distant relative, or in-laws relatives or some other acquaintances whom we do not meet often. They request to take the book or CD even if they know they wont be able to return promptly.
    If we do not meet often and meet very rarely like once in a year or once in 2 yrs , maybe at some family occasion somewhere?where is the chance for them to return the stuff taken from me, or where is the chance for me to remind them to return?And I also cannot keep track and keep remember who has taken what from me, so it's my loss.
    Books or CDs are not expensive at all, it's just sentimental value and liking for that book. I dont mind sharing but I want it to be promptly returned. If I feel like reading some book and find that it's with someone else , I have to end up getting new copy of the book from shop.

    Has anyone faced this situation, how did u handle?
    Suppose someone wants to borrow some book/movie I like, How can I politely and kindly and diplomatically refuse without getting a bad name or being rude, especially if the person is a few years older than me?
     
    generic, Aug 3, 2015
    generic, Aug 3, 2015
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  2. Aug 3, 2015 #2
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: How to handle requests to borrow books by friends/relatives/neighbours/acquaintan

    Make your husband the scape goat.Tell them these are very precious to him and he gets upset if any one takes them.(tell him in advance).I do this ...but my husband indeed is very possessive about some of his collections and he generally believes that most people are idiots who don't know how to handle precious books. So I just extend his aversion of lending books to other stuff.

    My sister had a good system. For every book she gave ,she borrowed one from that person even if she didn't need to . I got to know this when I saw many books with her which had other people's names on them. When I asked her,she told me these are the people who have taken my books and not returned them back.gigglingsmiley

    Don't keep things that are precious to you out on display. Keep this stuff in fully covered cupboards where people are unlikely to look.
     
    yellowmango, Aug 3, 2015
    yellowmango, Aug 3, 2015
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  3. Aug 3, 2015 #3
    ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to handle requests to borrow books by friends/relatives/neighbours/acquaintan

    Oh...u echoed my sentiments! My things is that even if i have read a book...iam the kind of person who re reads a book again if i find it really good.
    Read Godfather thrice! I miss books when i see the movies made on them .

    i really liked both the suggestion given to you...make ur husband the scapegoat and take a book in return. ..you will at least have some satisafaction
     
    ashima10, Aug 3, 2015
    ashima10, Aug 3, 2015
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  4. Aug 4, 2015 #4
    Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to handle requests to borrow books by friends/relatives/neighbours/acquaintan

    I dont like the make hubby the scapegoat suggestion. I feel thats not fair.
    Keep it in a closed cupboard and maybe not in the hall/living room.
     
    Ragini25, Aug 4, 2015
    Ragini25, Aug 4, 2015
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  5. Aug 4, 2015 #5
    MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: How to handle requests to borrow books by friends/relatives/neighbours/acquaintan

    Keep your treasured books out of sight.
    And politely but firmly refuse to lend books. Say it with a smile, but stick to your guns. After a couple of times people will get the hint.
    I should know: I still have a Gabriel Garcia Marquez novel borrowed from a friend 18 years ago, when I visited her house.She has since moved cross-country and it is a standing joke between us now.
     
    MalStrom, Aug 4, 2015
    MalStrom, Aug 4, 2015
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  6. Aug 4, 2015 #6
    1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to handle requests to borrow books by friends/relatives/neighbours/acquaintan

    Go through your books and separate out the treasured ones from the ones which you dont care about. Make a list of the treasured books and keep it in a safe place ( over time I tend to forget till I suddenly remember about a specific book) and then put them in a separate case, preferably with a lock. Leave the others out in the open bookcase. If someone asks to borrow the ones in the locked case, if you have the guts tell them they are not for borrowing. Or you can pretend you cant find the key right now. (Yes, I am a passive aggressive wuss! gigglingsmiley)
     
    1Sandhya, Aug 4, 2015
    1Sandhya, Aug 4, 2015
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  7. Aug 4, 2015 #7
    guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: How to handle requests to borrow books by friends/relatives/neighbours/acquaintan

    I have an unfortunate luck of anything I lend out being irreversibly damaged or lost. Once someone borrowed a book and gave it to a charity shop after reading it as she assumed I wouldn't need it anymore!

    now, I am direct. I purse my lips, grimace and say with a this-is-awkward face, "I'm sorry but I don't lend anything out because I have had too many losses in the past." Then I change the subject. If anyone persists, I would bring my iPad out, and find a cheap deal on Amazon or eBay and show my "discovery" to them. "You could just buy it off here... Under a tenner" or some such to show that there are alternatives if they'd get off their lazy bum and open their purse a little...
     
    guesshoo, Aug 4, 2015
    guesshoo, Aug 4, 2015
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  8. Aug 4, 2015 #8
    Kishw

    Kishw Silver IL'ite

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    Re: How to handle requests to borrow books by friends/relatives/neighbours/acquaintan

    Or just stick a note on your bookshelf saying 'Not for borrowing, please do not ask!' in bold.
    That should do it!.:coffee
     
    Kishw, Aug 4, 2015
    Kishw, Aug 4, 2015
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  9. Aug 4, 2015 #9
    generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    Re: How to handle requests to borrow books by friends/relatives/neighbours/acquaintan

    I am also feeling uncomfortable about making anyone a scapegoat.

    Keeping treasured books inside out of sight is a good idea..as suggested by yellomango and all others.
     
    generic, Aug 4, 2015
    generic, Aug 4, 2015
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  10. Aug 4, 2015 #10
    generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    Re: How to handle requests to borrow books by friends/relatives/neighbours/acquaintan

    Good ideas Sandhya :)
     
    generic, Aug 4, 2015
    generic, Aug 4, 2015
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