A neighbour Aunty...

chocogal26 · May 12, 2015

Hi Ladies...Many of you will be aware of my situation.
We(me n my DH) left india after 10 days we got married(arrange marriage).
I stayed almost 6-7 yrs outside(Germany, U.K) india. We booked our house when we were leaving we had almost 52 lacs loans. We struggle a lot , like save money as much as we can and repay our loan in 6 yrs. and we were also sending huge amount of our salary to our fil...i mean to say their needs and all.

Now we paid everything and came back to India in this January. We took an apartment. Now we are enjoying our life. we go movies, and i got maid (vessels n sweeping moping ) , we buy clothes. and my dh asked me keep cook for sometime( he know we did sacrifice he wants me to relax now) so i kept cook for 3 months.5th jan to 5th april.

an aunty(67yr old) with her son(38yr old) lives upstairs she is also on rent..
She makes lots of stuff n all. she is earning through trading. and her son is earning well. they are earning aroung 2 lac per month.
but she don't keep a maid for cleaning , moping. She sleeps on the floor. and her son too sleeps in another room on the mat. Her Dil did case against her and filed divorce with son. Aunty gives reasons...
1. My dil was working and when she used to come from office she wants me to cut the vegetables....aunty said...why will i cut??
2. My dil wanted my son to kick his scooter daily...why my son kick the scooter??
3. My dil doesn't want to do work.
4. My dil wanted to eat out once in a week....aunty says...why to spend money?
5. My dil wanted her dh should give milk to daughter when she was cooking for all in the morning...why my son should give?she doesn't want to work.

Aunty said i kept her(dil) cloths pack and leave her to station with her daughter (8yr old) to her parents house.
Aunty told me whole story.

I felt very bad for her dil(poor lady).But i didn't utter a word because this is none of my business. For small small things she kicked her dil out .

Now she is keeping her relations good with everyone in this building. She comes to our house too. She gives me very good tips for house hold things n all. she gave me recipe...how to make home made shampoo, she gave me recipe for ubtan...we meets once in 10 days. i like her except her story of dil.

My problem is : i have some issues with my inlaws. i told her too. i told her i work 5am to 11 pm when ever my inlaws comes and all . i told my story too.
Now she is commenting like " Kaam Karne se koi nahi mar jata kabhi suna hai ki koi kaam karne se marr gaya. she said this once.
now she keep saying...tumhe khana banane mein kya problem hai tum thoda kaam karogi to healthy bhi rahogi...actually i am over weight.
I mean to say maid comes, cooks came for three months i settled my house i bought scratch to everything. cook was a big help to me for 3 months.
she says....kaam karogi to tum healthy rahogi. My Dh gave me a reward what we sacrifice in 6-7 yrs outside to india..my kid is now 5 yr old no body was wiht me for delievery i only manage. i feel hurt when she says khud khana banaogi to achcha rahega...healthy rahogi. from last 7 yrs of my married life only 3 months i kept a cook...why she is thinking like that??

what should i do? i don't want to hurt her?

thanks gals

chocogal26 · May 12, 2015

write for me friends..

tarasharma · May 12, 2015

Ignore

When you knew her behaviour towards her dil, why open up with her dear? Anyway, she is a 3rd person. You can tell her nicely, I will do as you say and keep on doing as you are comfortable. You are not answerable to her. This is not a battle worth fighting for.

yellowmango · May 12, 2015

Op...do you really need another mil in life?Why do you take such nonsense from her?
Cut her out from your life .Such people are toxic.The don't live a good life and don't want others to do so to.
If your in laws visit...make sure this woman doesn't talk to them.

beingloved · May 12, 2015

Donot let others decide how to run your household.. Keeping a cook is not a sign of laziness.. you want to keep it, you'd done that. Just smile politely when she advises and do not try to reason with her. Enjoy your family time the way you want

tulip2012 · May 12, 2015

Why on earth should you spoil your beautiful life by listening to this lady.
Dont go and open out too much.
Its your life and you are confiident taht what you are doing is right.
Maintain distance, have your private space.
Thats all what I feel

butterflyice · May 13, 2015

Op, you and that lady belong to very different worlds. No need to seek validation from her. Keep her out of your world.

If I were you, the only area in which I would involve her is finances, I mean how many 67 year old women know trading? I would give it my best shot to learn that from her.

Preet82 · May 13, 2015

Why do you even care of what this aunty thinks? there are all kinds of people in this world. Not everybody's line of thoughts has to be same as yours.

sreeb3007 · May 13, 2015

Never make a third person interfere in your personal life. You should not have opened up with her by sharing everything with her even after you knew about her. You should have guessed that whatever she expects from her DIL , the same she expects from you or wants you to do like that.

Your husband supports you, that's really enough for your entire life. Whether you keep maid or cook , its none of her business, its purely your wish. What if her words attract your in-laws tomorrow and they too behave the same like her with you? May be you need to face all the things that her DIL used to face! What can you do that time? At least from now, don't make her involve or interfere in everything.

Shanvy · May 13, 2015

@chocogal26 right now i do not have a maid and with my health, i am told you should have a maid by every one who knows me. and only i know that a maid will not work in this house because of the way the kitchen and things are located. so what works for you works for you. the only people whose views are important are just your family and nobody else.

when my dd called me last night, she told me that a staff in the organisation where she is doing her internship was talking about everything related to her life, her family, her husband and things. and she did not know how to tackle it. i told her just be a dumb listener if it does not interfere with your work, and remember what you tell people at workplace/outside your home and friends, you don't want that to get limbs and come back to bite your ass.

so next time if it was me, i would be very cautious about what i share with a person like that aunty, because her toxicity will have the power to spread those fumes into your household. with your in-laws coming in be careful. and yes i would like to take pointers from the lady on trading..