Feeling disturbed!

blessed · Apr 30, 2015

Hi Friends,

Today morning was very bad for me, my mood is of, feeling very depressed because of the actions of one of my neighbour,

Around 6.30 AM I heard one senior citizen literally yelling at some one for throwing garbage in a vacant site near his house, his house is right behind my house but I have not seem him at all, as such no touch with that family and it seems they moved just a year back on rental basis. My first thought was like I appreciated the old man of his good sense for keeping even the vacant site clean, but I was shocked when I saw him shouting at my maid because she was throwing the weeds which she cleaned from my house garden the previous day.. I was very angry with her trying to dispose it in the vacant site that to without my knowledge, I immediately apologised and told him " I am very sorry.. and this not garbage any ways.. it is plain dry weeds and mud and that to she did it without my notice and I will never allow her to dirty any place even if it is a vacant site.... but this old guy just gave a very angry look at me and came marching towards me.. and said " You want to keep your house clean but never bother about the area" I know it is you who have sent your maid.. and just one word "Sorry" wont solve the matter, and he went on accusing me that I throw garbage from my terrace to that vacant site... thats it my BP raised and actually I could not keep myself calm... when he said I throw garbage from my terrace which I have done it in my life time and never will do... in fact we residents have got that site cleaned at out costs... I literally yelled back at him.. and told him to mind his words.. I told me I know how to maintain the cleanliness and the hygiene in our are area and he doesn't need to teach me, but all this I told him in a really hard tone.. and the old man really got scared and said " Ok Madam.. I dont want to create a scene early morning" and just walked of..

But now I feel very guilty for yelling at him.. it was mistake on my side.. so I should have reasoned with him even if he was yelling... I am feeling very bad about my behaviour.. what will my other neighbours think of me..?? its been nearly 18 years and not once have I lost my senses like today.

yellowmango · Apr 30, 2015

hugsmiley

Suggestion.
Send him a little plant with a card ....lets undo yesterday and start afresh.welcome to the neighborhood .If they seem religious...Tulsi would be good...or any other little plant. That will make him feel sorry too.Greet him when you meet next time.....nosy neighbors will know all is fine.

catwalk · Apr 30, 2015

Let it calm down first.

Then you can say hello to the old man and pass your apologies for using harsh words.
You can also appreciate him for his interest and motivation to keep the area clean.
You can offer your support / help, if required.

Sparkle · Apr 30, 2015

@blessed:

IMO, you losing your temper is actually the right thing for that situation. You had the choice to not go and explain to him that it was your maid. He should have talked to you in a normal tone considering the fact that you are his neighbor. If it was a guy in your place, trust me, the reaction would have been different. Also, when he was yelling, how much ever you tried to explain the situation normally, he would have continued yelling. Had you been quiet, he would have still yelled.

You should ignore it and let it go for now. From now on, strictly tell your maid to not dispose the garbage anywhere else except the bins. That way he or anyone else will not have a chance to speak anything about/against you.

PS: You can only reason with those who are reasonable. Others shouldn't matter.

VanithaSudhir · Apr 30, 2015

I second @sparkle's opinion. Had you been quiet.. He would have taken you for granted and yelled more and your post would have read 'Insulted. . what should i do?'

Chill out. Sometimes we have to raise our voice and can't take nonsense just becuz the person in question is older than us. Allow the matter to die out. Look at it this way... Your neighbors would have also got the message that you will never take false accusations or inappropriate tone and will never dare to mess up with you.

jaden · Apr 30, 2015

Next time when you see him,just go a say a hello with a sweet smile.I guess its more than enuf to patch up the bad past

pear · Apr 30, 2015

When you gave an explanation he should at least have reduced his volume(anyway its not his space).Some men really like to be bossy and shout at women in general.Your loud reaction should have surprised him ,so he went off closing that matter.If its bothering you tell him that you contributed to clean up that space and is not naturally inclined to make it dirty.No need to ask sorry for your outburst as you had to do it only because of his unreasonableness and false accusations.

guesshoo · May 1, 2015

I have seen people sitting on top of someone's head, mistaking their politeness for a free-pass to vent their frustration. The only way to deal with those bullies is by standing up to them. In other words, offence. You have showed the old man that you are not going to take his abuse lying down. Well done for that!

Dont feel guilty. Walk with your head held high that you put one bully in place. If you encounter him, acknowledge him with a smile / nod and move on.

I don't see why your reputation would take a hit.

tashidelek2002 · May 1, 2015

I think it is great you stood up for yourself. That is the way you deal with a bully. I will say though that you might keep an eye out in case the maid has been putting out more stuff than you know. Someone said to give him a plant....well I don't think you should but if you do, make it a cactus.

blessed · May 2, 2015

Thanks Ladies,

It feels great to hear from you ladies that I have actually done the right thing by standing up for myself.. the reason I was feeling guilty was when I narrated the incident to my DH he simply said that I should have stayed calm because the mistake was from my side but I know very well if he was in my place he would have created even a bigger scene.
I hardly meet this Man, but even if I do I don't think I can smile at him because I feel it should come from the heart and simply cannot fake it...