Were these friends rude ???

anika987 · Oct 8, 2014

I called up my friend in India..know her for so may yrs.After wedding contacts lost and recently got in touch.

conversation below"

FREIND 1:

ER: When do you plan to return to India?
ME: Not so sure..little risky( we have our personal problems)

HER:You were born I India? brought up in India?..what's the big risk???
ME:cannot say yaar...some confusions..

HER:Tell me about your lifestyle..
ME: I have a nice relaxing atmosphere.people are not nosy.sort of retort stay feeling

HER:Sounds like a big big bore!!
ME: Hmm..ok

HER: What do you like about US?
ME:love the malls here,roads,theatres

HER:Everything we get in India!! Bangalore is awesome.highways are amazing!
Do you have any freaking idea how good the theatres are in India?
Also,my brother stays in California.his community has rude neighbors.
If it wasn't for a job,he will be back to India in a heartbeat!!

Rude in sense..I found in the above conversation ,she was so defensive about India and kind of bashing America..

FRIEND 2:

ME:How are you?
HER : Good.how is life?

ME:Good.heard you are in Bangalore?how do you like the place?
HER: Heaven!!will never leave this place for anything and run away to another country!! ha ha..

HER:So..you do all the housework there by yourself?
ME:Yeah

HER:We have maids here.why would you want to be a housewife in America,sit and cook.might as well be in India and enjoy.too sad for your life.

FRIEND 3:

(She was not exactly rude but was totally defensive about India)

ME:America is a good place and little relaxing
HER: India is awesome! In Chennai,noone stares at anyone these days!
clothes,functions,festivals,name what..I wanted to go to America but now it makes no sense to leave India and go and suffer there..

I do not know what I said or did which made all the three so defensive?the above was the conversation..Also,one of my friend who returned back after 13 yrs was questioned non-stop about why she returnd,did hubby lose job etc?

I never this the above would be the biggest of all problems for people who returned to India

Rihana · Oct 8, 2014

Sometimes my conversations with friends on the phone or in get-togethers used to go like that. The topic could be like yours - the quality of life in India or abroad. Or the topic could be anything else. The difference of opinion can result in interesting conversation and each side learns from it or it is just unpleasant and leave a bad taste in the mouth after it is over.

The way to deal is to change the topic tactfully if the conversation starts to irritate.

Were the friends rude? Not exactly.

vini31 · Oct 8, 2014

you hv heard of the story of "fox and the sour grapes" right ... when i read the conversation I feel your friends have the same feeling, life is relaxing in the USA much better than the daily grind in blr or in most cities in india ... so they are being plain rude

Priya4oct · Oct 8, 2014

Hi Anika,

Honestly, I am also very defensive for India and my hometown. When some one say you do not get in this in India or this is the problem in India etc..I feel offensive (if that is available in India, you may sence this from my posts)If some thing is really not available then I am ok but if we get something and people say like this I feel very bad.
How some one say this if he/she didn't visit India from couple of years. We get everything there given that you are willing to spend same amount of money. Even for social attitude, I agree we are not free like USA but do we really follow-up this in USA like whites..No..we indian still poke nose on other Indian neighbor's/friends matter.

Again, it is not matter of country..it is matter of your attitude. Being in 3rd country (Germany, UK and USA), my country is much better to stay if I have right attitude else there is no place to live for me.

blissofmylife · Oct 8, 2014

anika987 said: ↑

I called up my friend in India..know her for so may yrs.After wedding contacts lost and recently got in touch.

conversation below"

FREIND 1:

ER: When do you plan to return to India?
ME: Not so sure..little risky( we have our personal problems)

HER:You were born I India? brought up in India?..what's the big risk???
ME:cannot say yaar...some confusions..

HER:Tell me about your lifestyle..
ME: I have a nice relaxing atmosphere.people are not nosy.sort of retort stay feeling

HER:Sounds like a big big bore!!
ME: Hmm..ok

HER: What do you like about US?
ME:love the malls here,roads,theatres

HER:Everything we get in India!! Bangalore is awesome.highways are amazing!
Do you have any freaking idea how good the theatres are in India?
Also,my brother stays in California.his community has rude neighbors.
If it wasn't for a job,he will be back to India in a heartbeat!!

Rude in sense..I found in the above conversation ,she was so defensive about India and kind of bashing America..

FRIEND 2:

ME:How are you?
HER : Good.how is life?

ME:Good.heard you are in Bangalore?how do you like the place?
HER: Heaven!!will never leave this place for anything and run away to another country!! ha ha..

HER:So..you do all the housework there by yourself?
ME:Yeah

HER:We have maids here.why would you want to be a housewife in America,sit and cook.might as well be in India and enjoy.too sad for your life.

FRIEND 3:

(She was not exactly rude but was totally defensive about India)

ME:America is a good place and little relaxing
HER: India is awesome! In Chennai,noone stares at anyone these days!
clothes,functions,festivals,name what..I wanted to go to America but now it makes no sense to leave India and go and suffer there..

I do not know what I said or did which made all the three so defensive?the above was the conversation..Also,one of my friend who returned back after 13 yrs was questioned non-stop about why she returnd,did hubby lose job etc?

I never this the above would be the biggest of all problems for people who returned to India
Click to expand...

They are plain jealous.. trying to sound defensive.. Thats how people are.. Just ignore!!!

anika987 · Oct 8, 2014

true priya,
one should not speak ill of our motherland.But where in my psot have I spoken ill of our country? then what is the need for them to bash ?
As you said one did not visit India a couple of years,those people have have never been to US,then what makes them get defensive?US or India,we love a certain place due to our priorities.I love India so much,but I kind of like US too.It gave me to freedom to be who I am.

However,I feel one who has become an NRI has lost their privilege to even give opinions about their motherlandthis problem is not just for NRI'S but people who have returned as an NRI.they have totally different set of problems which they face.one has to be prepared for that. One will know that in the long run..

Moreover,people want to ape the west,people want kfc,tgif,hard rock cafe,use slangs like the west,see tv shows like the west,go to exotic locations,be everything like the west but bash the west??Is that right?

NRI's are more Indian than the Indians in India.I came to the US in 2003 and the India I know is that.I follow the traditions which I know.same for others.Many NRI's openly show the love for India.u can see many threads but people there are sitting and insulting NRI's and their life?It is sad and instead of being supportive for those people one should be neutral about this situation.

As you said it is a matter of attitude.

KashmirFlower · Oct 8, 2014

something people never experienced, they can't related it to, when u talk about it. They can only understood what their perception is.
May be that is what happening to ur friends.

if your friends who never went to USA or any other developed country, they may not relate to what u talk.

anika987 · Oct 8, 2014

I agree kashmirflower.

I hope hope they stop talking Ill about
another place without experiencing it. Hope as another said it is
a case of sour grapes

dsmenon · Oct 8, 2014

Even i had issues like this. Catching up with school/college friends. The conversation revolves around the life here, what do i do, how much do i make, do i cook, do i have a maid etc. Now i don't talk to them at all. In fact, i have only one friend who i am in touch with and that is it. All i do is like their pictures on facebook and i don't even expect them to like mine.