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Give me some advice

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Stressfull, Sep 23, 2014.

  1. Stressfull

    Stressfull Silver IL'ite

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    Hello all,

    I want some advices regarding my son, he is 6 yrs old going for kindergarten, we are living in a foreign land. His school is for just 3 hours. I have joined him in some activity classes too.

    Now the problem is we had a group of six families whom we all go for near by outings regularly. They all are having two children. Elder children all are from 9-11 yrs group and the younger children are my sons age group. Now coming to the main problem as my son is single child every body is taking advantage of him and trying to bully him. sometimes they all will play nice, but some times they start creating groups and starts to exclude my son. He will start complaining then I must intervene and make them join my son. It has become routine.

    I don't know whether it is a problem or not, but everytime my son complains im feeling so much pain. The problem is sometimes he will not obey their instuctions in play time so they start excluding him. He is left out, before he used to cry a lot but I explained him crying infont of them will only allow them to bully you more. He got the point now he is not crying, and trying to adjust with them but still there r some complaints.

    Now what I want to know is what is my limitation in intervening in childrens group. My dh is saying don't think too much about it in a course of time he will learn everything and don't over interfere in children things every time he complains. But I don't want my son feeling neglected from our side also. Also in future I want him to trust me to share his feelings.

    My dh is saying Im being over protective for my son. It is not good for his future. And one more thing my son wants sibling badly but god is not blessing us with the second child. Every time there was gathering, he will ask innocently all r having their siblings, why im not having my little brother or sister. My heart is breaking.

    sry for the long post pls advice me friends.
     
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  2. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    You need to give him some tools that he can use to handle such situations without you having to bail him out. If he starts handling these situations himself, his self confidence will improve. By jumping in to fix things for him he won't learn to sort out these tings himself.

    Talk to him privately after a gathering. Ask whether he understood the rules, whether he followed the rules; whether he would have liked to change any rules. Brain storm about What his options are if he didn't understand what the other kids were saying; how he could talk to them; do some role play. Teach him to use his firm but friendly voice. Give him specific phrases he can use. Teach him how to use his body language to communicate (it is not too much for a 6 year old; I've been working on my DD since she was verylittle and she has been able to implement these changes since she was 2.5 years old. Repeated role play about how to handle situations from the past works wonders on their confidence)

    Ask him what he thinks he could do if they exclude him. Let him come up with some answers. Praise him. And even if you don't see immediate results, stay away and keep encouraging him to speak up and handle these things himself. Eg. He could quickly move back and firmly say, "stop! That's not nice" in case another child gets rough with him. Or go to an adult in case he is being bothered repeatedly.

    If you teach him to handle these things himself and make sure that you back off while in public, it will really help him
     
  3. kma

    kma Gold IL'ite

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    Does your kid play only with this group or he has other friends too? Why dont you take him to friends where he is happy and comfortable? Though I agree he has to learn to deal, playing time should be a happy time for him and should not always be so stressful.
    Try to find friends within similar age group. Generally their activity levels match more.
     
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  4. Stressfull

    Stressfull Silver IL'ite

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    @gueshoo
    thank u for ur wonderful advice, yes im already trying to teach him to be independent. sometimes its working, sometimes its tough. I think slowly he reaches there.

    @kma
    thanks for ur concern dear, its he who wanted to play with them. sometimes if he got any other friends of his age, he is playing with them. just im hoping in due course of time he will be alright.
     
  5. Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

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    Children should be taught to advocate for themselves. Step aside and watch him grow.
     

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