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did I do wrong to this friend

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by onemom, Sep 13, 2014.

  1. onemom

    onemom New IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,
    I want to get an opinion of my behavior. It happened almost a decade ago. Me n my close friend's friend were sharing a house. This girl is kinda lower middle class and she is the only earning member . Her salary is also not good. She is a good girl only. I am bold and have lot of self respect.
    She had a male friend. He is not her lover but they r very close.he had bought her one good salwar. One day it was raining and she had her periods. As she dint wash her clothes for 2 weeks , she didnt have any dress to wear to office. She had only the dress which her friend gifted her.she asked me to give one of my dresses as she didnt want to wear her good dress while on her periods and in the rain. I got offended. She cant wear her dress but she can wear my dress and it can get spoiled. I am straightforwarded and said no. She asked me few times as she has sentiments with the dress so didnt want to get it spoiled.
    But i didnt agree and she didnt force. I left to office. till now I dont know what did she do on that day. She is not my good friend andnot my enemy as well. We were just sharing the house and was in good talking terms. After this incident ours relationship didnt change as we both didnt talk about it.now we are both married and settled in different places and we are not in touch now.
    But this incident at times comes in to my memory and i feel bad. I could have given one of my dresses. But the reason she gave for asking my dress hurt my ego. Isnt it wrong to ask for others dress while on periods. Please tell me what i did is right?
     
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  2. pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    Sharing our dress is a very personal thing .Its not fair to expect you to lend her your salwar in that given situation. Its better to refuse when its not reasonable .

    Even she didnt take offence to your reply as she herself know that her request is unreasonable.You didnt make an issue about it as you know about her financial position.

    When you refuse to help a not so well off person,its natural to feel uncomfortable about it. .Even she would be feeling bad about her unreasonable request. Make peace with yourself, sometimes life throws such delicate situation.
     
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  3. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    you did the right thing, nothing wrong. You have boundaries, and that's good.
    I had a similar incident where a friend in college asked me for my new dress, and I said no, and kept feeling bad, now after 10 yrs, I think I was right, but it took 10 yrs to understand :)
    Also, try to understand that she put her stuff above your stuff- meaning she can ruin your cloths and not her own.
     
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  4. flysauc

    flysauc Gold IL'ite

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    One mom ,

    Its over long back , we all carry some guilt from our younger days ... But if we keep digging it there will be no end . I would appreciate your straightforwardness rather than giving her dress and grumbling later .

    You did what u felt right , Don't think about it !
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2014
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  5. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    I think u dont need to feel bad abt this! Let it go
     
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  6. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    Don't feel bad, you did nothing wrong. It's your personal choice to share your dress with others or not. Even you may have sentimenst with your dresses, the way she has with her dress.
     
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  7. padmaja909

    padmaja909 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dont feel guilty. you did what you felt right at that time. And I think your friend understood that why you both didnt have any difference in relation after that. Remove the thought and it will remove the burden from your heart.
     
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  8. JigsSM

    JigsSM Silver IL'ite

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    You are not in touch now and no reason to feel guilty now. Let it go off.. What you did was right on your side, do not worry about it and spoil you mood :)
     
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