Troublesome Neighbours,stupid lady and cheap man.i am feeling too low.Plz help

loudandmuted · Feb 17, 2013

Hi, i had been following IL for along time.
I always wanted to ask suggestion regarding my neighbour issue. I holded on strongly but now i am feeling so low.Please help me.
I have a neighbour lady who has been troublesome towards us. For everything she keeps fighting with us. We adjusted for so many things,she has taken advantage of all that and making more problems.
She either gives troubles to us and our tenants and gives both of us mental torture and makes them vacate our house.
Now as she can't make any more troubles with my tenants she has speaks so good them and makes them against us. Our tenants are giving us a lot of troubles. we said them to vacate but neighbour lady and her sons are guiding them in everything. She has done this only to give us trouble. Our tenants thinks she is angel. Her sons are rowdy kind and all their friends are of the same kind. She always says she knows big shots over there.

There is another neighbour Man who is of my dad's age. When i was in 8th or 9th standard i used to study in balcony or terrace. At that time he showed his private part to me from his terrace. First i never understood anything ( i was so stupid). But later i understood what he was trying and i completely stopped going to terrace, speaking with him or his daughters. But i never said anything to my parents. Years passed and i never spoke anything to them.

One day our neighbour lady blamed our previous tenant for something. She had complained to that man. so he called me and spoke to me, he said me to go by neighbour ladys words as her sons are gundas. My mom was speaking to that man,his wife and daughters accasionally. One day our door got locked and we were unable to enter inside our house. My mom was trying to seek help. She asked this man if he knows any person who will break locks. He came and and tried to open the door. But it was a failure.At the same some works were going in their house, so he asked his carpenter to help us.So as he helped in such things I thought as years passed he would have changed. From that on He used to to speak to me formally sometimes and i also spoke to him .
But now in the problem my neighbour lady makes, he is trying to gain my attention. He coughs when i come upstairs or smiles at me in a different way. He waits for me. Gosh he might be 60+ now. I am feeling so bad. I guess i did a mistake speaking to him formally. I always go to balcony to feed crows and squirrels and my neighbour lady hates me for that. So whenever i go i used to check if my neighbours are there, both neighbour man and lady. If they were there mostly i come back without feeding as she will scold me. May be as i was checking his house when i go for feeding it made him to advantage of this situation?. I am thinking in all ways and i am going mad. I am crying so much nowadays. This man acts so good to everyone and my neighbour lady also does the same. My tenants are so also doing the same. My mom is different she shows the anger face to face and never mingles much with others. So all supports will be for them. They all act so good. They all are like family, we are the odd ones out. I am helpless.

I don't know what is happening behind me. I stopped going to my room which is right opposite to their house. My door and his door is right opposite. Now i am scared if some traps are going behind me or people are thinking/thinks bad about me. I am not getting anything. Mentally everthing is harassing me. I am unable to speak about my neighbour man to my mom. I shout and scream in anger, but i don't know to handle situations or understand anyone. When people with evil thoughts get all respect and lives in peace. why the hell we are suffering?..Are people thinking us bad, if so for what? Am i thinking too much.. What should i do. Neighbours,tenants and everything is mentally harassing me. please help me?. we cant leave this house

MaritalBliss · Feb 17, 2013

Please speak to your mum about this. And if possible, lodge a formal complaint abt him. If u don't, he may turn the tables against and accuse u of something. Pls don't keep everything in your heart and stress yourself. This is so gross and it's sexual harraasment. As for the lady, what exactly does she have against your family? Tell her outright that u won't take her nonsense, but frankly nothing much u can do to her if she chooses to badmouth u. Do u have any male member in ur family who can tell her firmly to stop her nonsense?

aamrapali · Feb 17, 2013

Take someone into confidence - your mom, dad, or siblings if you have any. Bad elements take advantage when they know you are "struggling alone".

Your family will (should) understand and someone may be able to swap their room with yours. If your neighbor man perceives this, he will get a hint that you have discussed with "elders" and he will watch his step.

At least till a strong message is sent out to your neighbors, try not go wander alone - terrace, feeding birds, etc. Accompany someone from your home.

Dont let this disturb you. You have not done anything wrong. Stay focused and stay safe.

Aamrapali

loudandmuted · Feb 17, 2013

MaritalBliss and aamrapali,
Thanks for replying. I am scared and odd to open this to my mom. She has a lot of tensions here, it would be like i am adding more. Guess she also never knows to handle a problem exactly. She just gets angry and speaks out and never know any tactics.

teacher · Feb 18, 2013

OP,
If you want the circumstances to change then you have to be prepared for some discomfort and tension. The situation is not going to change by ignoring it. Your neighbor will continue to imply or behave inappropriately as long as he is not challenged. Your frustration and anger will not abate until you feel you have a sense of control over the situation.

You have to figure out a way to find some support and bring this out in the open. If he has approached you in this manner, there is a possibility that he has approached other young women and possibly children too.
Maybe you can look to build relationships with other neighbors and see how you can address this problem. It may take time but do work on it.

loudandmuted · Feb 18, 2013

TEACHER,
thanks for replying.
No he had never approached me in direct. I have no idea how he behaves to others. May be he is good to them?.
I will try to interact with other neighbours.

Iamagoodgirl · Feb 22, 2013

There are two ways.Totally avoid people there.Dont talk with them at all until and unless its highly important.
Other wise change the tenants and atlist make friendship with one family there.

arch1209 · Feb 22, 2013

OP - This is a serious situation, it is not your fault this could happen to anybody! And this happens to a lot of people and we don't really know what to do. You need to talk to your mother about it. Is there a reason why you are uncomfortable talking about it to mom or anybody?

sanvi5 · Mar 6, 2013

I think you should take a bold step and start reacting now before it gets worse. If you have a secretary appointed for the society where you live complain to them or complain to them whom you think are wise.That man needs to be taught a lesson and even the lady who encourages all this.

Once a similar thing happened to one of my friend she told her mom immediately and her mom invited all her friends and they caught that guy and all hit him with brooms and it was all peace later. So time for you to react.

gayathrivijay12 · Mar 6, 2013

It is a v sensitive issue & damn difficult to handle alone...If you try confronting him alone he might easily play blame games & come out spoiling your reputation..Be bold & even though you feel diffident dont show it off to him whenever you come face to face..better inform your parents & make a stern statement that you would lodge a complaint for sure if this recur..
As for the lady is concerned, try ignoring her as much as possible... This sort of bad & spoilt neighbourbood ll definitely eat our peace of mind...Hope things get better by itself for you...