Highway Patrol Stories

Philadelphia's Highway Patrol officers hear all kinds of creative
excuses that
drivers give for speeding. Here are some of the officers' favorites.
(By the
way, none of them worked!)

* A man told the officer he was rushing to the hospital because had
been stung
by a bee, and was allergic. "There's the bee right there," he said,
pointing to
his dashboard. The officer looked. The bee was not only dead, but in a
advanced
state of decomposition.

* A man was doing 70 mph on the shoulder of I-95, avoiding the
bumper-to-bumper
traffic. After a third of a mile, he was stopped by an officer. He
jumped out of
the car, brushing off his pants, and told the cop he had dropped a
cigarette on
his lap. "I was looking for a place to park," he explained.

* A speeder said that he and his wife were trying to have a baby. "My
wife is
ovulating," he told the officer. "I have to get home right now."

* An officer stopped a man doing 80 mph. When he asked the driver
whether he had
seen the speed-limit signs, the man responded, "I went by them so fast
I
probably missed them."

* A man going south on I-95 was stopped near Washington Avenue doing 79
mph. "My
engine misses, and I'm trying to clean out the carburetor," he told the
officer.
For good measure, he added, "If I don't go this fast, my car won't go
at all."

* "I'm due in traffic court," one speeder said. "If I'm late they're
going to
enforce the bench warrant."

* When an officer told a speeder that the speed limit on the Schuylkill
Expressway was 50 mph, the driver responded, "Officer, where have you
been? It's
65 now."

* One speeder said simply, "I'm trying to beat my wife home. Don't
ask."

* An elderly person was stopped after doing 73 mph. When told he was
getting a
ticket, he asked the officer, "Is there a senior citizen's discount?"