Vasthraa's Unwinding Corner

Hi Padmini
>All are so lovely! "Attitude" takes the cake. thank you for >sharing.

Thank you Paddie. This is a special CAKE. You can ve it n eat it too!

To unwind somemore.....

Sam: Dad, would you do my math homework for me?

Dad: No, son, it wouldn’t be right.

Sam: Well, at least you could try.

IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs
IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance)
OUTSIDE A SECOND HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.
SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car!
SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.
MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)
SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
SPOTTED ON A SIGN IN SCOTLAND: Eat here and you'll never live to regret it.

Management Lesson
A crow was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him,

"Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.



Management Lesson:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

India Tourism Board - FAQs

I found them very amusing. if these queries are true I am sure you may (especially those who are settled in those countries from where these queries have originated) find them handy. The answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have an excellent sense of humour. Q: Does it ever get windy in India ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA ) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden ) A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India ? ( Sweden ) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India ? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi , Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore ? ( UK ) A: What did your last slave die of......? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India ? ( USA ) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .. In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa . Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in India ? ( USA ) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into India ? ( UK ) A: Why..? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? ( France ) A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa , straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Can I wear high heels in India ? ( UK ) A: You're a British politician, right............? Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore , and is milk available all year round? ( Germany ) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA ) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Q: Do you have perfume in India ? ( France ) A: No, WE don't stink. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India ? ( USA ) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India ? ( France ) A: Only at Christmas. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA ) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? ( Italy ) A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime. Q: Do you have Toilet paper? ( USA ) A: No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)

Neengal Thodarbu konda ennai seriparkavum!

A man calls home to check in with his wife, to let her know he'll be home early, when suddenly, a strange woman answers. The confused man inquires, ''Who is this?''

''This is the maid,'' answers the woman. ''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.

The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.'' "I told her we didn't need one, " the man muttered under his breath.

''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''

The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bedroom with someone...who I thought was her husband.'' The man, suddenly realizes what's going on and begins to fume. Moments later, he says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''

The maid hesitates, but answers, ''What do I have to do?'' The man explains to her: ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.'' The maid pauses for a moment to consider the awful deed and puts the phone down.

A minute later, the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots!

The maid comes back to the phone breathing heavily, and with a slight quiver in her voice asks, ''What do I do with the bodies?''

The man, quite despondent at this point, replies, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.'' Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''

A long pause follows.

Another long pause.

Finally the man asks: ''Is this 567-5309?''

for to-day............

If you dont ve any bad habits........ you ll be a BEGGAR!

Once a man was waiting for a taxi.

A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him.

But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.

Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you."

"I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.

The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea".

He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.

The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."

The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".

The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".

The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".

As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."

Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".

The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad habits looks like.

Zebra is lucky

Here- why are you trying to cross the road in this dangerous place? There’s a zebra crossing just a few yards up the road, said the policeman.

Well, I hope he’s having better luck than I am, said the pedestrian.

All are very nice.....enjoyed reading it......and ofcourse, attitude scores 100 marks.....keep sharing....

SPELL PROPERLY n LAND NOT IN HOT AREA

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.

P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.