Be Yourself

"An old man, staying in a small south Indian town
> came to visit his son in
> Bombay recently. The son in his early thirties is a
> successful businessman
> living with his wife and son. The father, having
> spent most of his life at
> his birthplace, hardly understands a splatter of
> Hindi or English, forget
> Marathi. But he doesn't care. 'I have come here to
> spend a few days with my
> son and his family. I don't have to go out and
> socialize with the city
> people,' he said.
>
> But the son is very excited about his father's rare
> visit to Bombay. He
> wants to make the best of it. He and his wife want
> to show him around the
> city. And yes, the son enjoys those evening hours
> too, when he and his
> father go out and sit in a good bar, sipping their
> favorite drink.
>
> Last week he was in a very good mood. 'Let's go to
> a five star hotel's bar
> tonight,' he told his father. It was a beautiful
> evening. Talking about
> everything under the sun they had a few drinks. As
> usual they were offered
> some salad, peanuts, wafers etc .as accompaniments
> with their drinks. The
> old man being almost toothless was not much
> interested in eating. But that
> day when they got up to leave, he simply took a
> handful of chana (roasted
> grams) and stuffed it in the fold of his dhoti. He
> might have thought about
> munching on them, sitting in the car, or whatever.
> Unfortunately while
> walking in the lobby, he missed a step and
> stumbled. Down he went,
> scattering the chana on the plush carpet. No
> problem .Now lets try to
> visualize this scenario. Someone else in his son's
> place would have been
> mortified, embarrassed to death. He might have
> cursed not his father but his
> own self for causing this awkward situation. 'Never
> again will I take my old
> man to such hotels', he would have vowed. No sir,
> not this son. Gently,
> with a smile, he helped his father get back on his
> feet. Instead of feeling
> irritated or angry, he was amused. He found the
> whole incident very funny.
> Laughing, they both went home and on the way they
> decided to return to the
> same place the following Sunday. The old man liked
> the place & the chana
> too. A son rises A few days back; at a friend's
> place they both described
> this event and made everybody laugh.
>
> Weren't you embarrassed? Somebody asked the son.
> 'Oh, come on now' replied
> the son. 'He is my father. He talks in his native
> language, prefers to wear
> a dhoti even to a posh city hotel, takes chana from
> the bar to eat later,
> does whatever he feels like.... So what? Why should
> I feel embarrassed with
> his nature and habits? Nobody has a right to stop
> him from doing whatever he
> feels comfortable with, as long as it is not harmful
> to others.'
>
> The son doesn't care what the staff in the hotel
> thought about that
> incident. He says 'they should be concerned only
> with their bills and tips.
> I am concerned about my father's happiness.' The
> wife too totally agrees
> with the husband on this issue. She feels there are
> enough other qualities
> in her father- in- law to feel proud of.

Continued....

• > Accept them .The above incident is not mentioned
  > just to show the love and
  > devotion of a son for his father. More than love it
  > is a matter of
  > understanding and a healthy respect for the other
  > person's lifestyle. A
  > seventy plus old man doesn't want to change his
  > lifestyle now. He likes the
  > way he eats or dresses or talks. In his eyes there
  > is nothing wrong with the
  > old ways of living. And the son says, "ok, fine.
  > Every body has a right to
  > live as per his wish. Now at his age, why should he
  > be forced to learn to
  > eat with a fork and knife, if he doesn't want to? I
  > will feel bad if he is
  > doing something morally wrong or indulging in some
  > harmful activities. But
  > otherwise it is fine. I am not going to try to
  > change him at this stage. He
  > is my father. I love him, respect him."
  >
  > Hey folks, can you think this way? So many times we
  > see people getting
  > embarrassed by the so-called unsophisticated
  > behavior of their family
  > members. They keep on apologizing about their lack
  > of class and manners or
  > about their drawbacks to outsiders. My wife can't
  > speak proper English; she
  > doesn't know what's happening in the world, so I
  > avoid taking her out or
  > introducing her to my friends and business
  > associates... My parents can't
  > eat with a spoon and fork, so I don't take them to
  > restaurants.... My
  > husband is working as an ordinary clerk, so I feel
  > awkward when I introduce
  > him to my rich friends. My brother is mentally
  > challenged, so I don't feel
  > like going out with him... Are you plagued with such
  > thoughts or do you meet
  > such people who think alike?
  >
  > If you do, please ask yourself. Why do others or I
  > feel this way? Really
  > what is there to feel ashamed of? Most of the people
  > always have this fear
  > of other peoples' opinions and comments. What would
  > others say? They think
  > and try to alter their own way of living, sometimes
  > unnecessarily.
  >
  > What is worse is they try to change their own people
  > too. And when they
  > can't, they are ashamed, angry and apologetic to
  > outsiders. In fact, these
  > are the people who have no respect for others and no
  > confidence in oneself.
  > They try to copy others, try to be what they are
  > not, and constantly ask for
  > outsiders' approval for their behavior. They don't
  > care about the feelings
  > of their family members when they avoid or belittle
  > them. They don't think
  > how happy his or her family member would feel if
  > he/she gets an opportunity
  > to go to some swanky restaurant or a fun-filled
  > party. Your spouse, your
  > parents, your grandparents, your sibling, and your
  > children: - All these
  > people are depending on you for their happiness. if
  > you don't fulfill their
  > desires, who will?
  >
  > They are what they are. We are what we are. We
  > don't have to change
  > ourselves to please strangers. And if you do, you
  > are in for life long
  > misery. In that case you would never dare taking
  > your dhoti clad relative to
  > a five star hotel. And your father would never sit
  > amongst your friends and
  > laugh his heart out over some funny incident."
  >
  > So, the moral is:"as long as it is not harming
  > anyone (including you), be
  > yourself in your own special way.
  >
  > And enjoy each and every moment passing away."