Huge Collection of FUN

Hi readers,

In this thread I will be posting funny images, and jokes.

Bye,

Krishnaamma

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd: "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 20 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 50 page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."

The shepherd cheers," That's correct, you can have your sheep."

The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"

The young man answers, "Yes, why not". The shepherd says, "You are an IT consultant ".

"How did you know?" asks the young man.

"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something which I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything about my business... Now can I have my *DOG* back?"

A man was driving down the road. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash.

Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was doing the speed limit, he turned around and, going even slower, he passed by the camera.

Again, he saw it flash. He couldn't believe it! So he turned and, going a snail's pace, he passed the camera.

AGAIN, he saw the camera flash. He guessed it must have a fault, and home he went.

Four weeks later he received 3 traffic fines in the mail, all for not wearing a seatbelt !

During and examination this guy was not able to answer the question so he copied the answer from another good student, The answer to the problem was 'log(1+x)'.

But as he did not want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to 'timber(1+x)'

"It's hard to have negative thoughts while you are smiling, so keep smiling".

Story Starts now:

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward it to the President of the India as a joke.

The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read:

"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 in taxes .. "

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his
wedding anniversary.

His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something
in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2
seconds flat".

The next morning the wife found a small package in the
driveway.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for
Saturday.

Brahma : Systems Installation
Vishnu : Systems Administration & Support
Lakshmi : Finance and Accounts consultant
Saraswati : Training and Knowledge Management
Shiva : DBA (Crash Specialist)
Ganesh : Quality Assuarance & Documentation
Narada : Data transfer
Yama : Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant
Chitragupta : IDP & Personal Records
Apsaras : Downloadable Viruses
Devas : Mainframe Programmers
Surya : Solaris Administrator
Rakshasas : In house Hackers
Ravan : Internet Explorer WWWF
Kumbhakarnan : Zombie Process
Lakshman : Support Software and Backup
Hanuman : Linux/s390
Vaali : MS Windows
Sugreeva : DOS
Jatayu : Firewall
Dronacharya : System Programmer
Vishwamitra : Sr. Manager Projects
Shakuni : Annual appraisal & Promotion
Valmiki : Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)
Krishna : SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle )
Dharmaraj Yudhishthira : ISO Consultant (CMM level 5)
Arjun : Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)
Abhimanyu : Trainee Programmer
Draupadi : Motivation & Team building
Bhima : MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM
Duryodhana : Microsoft product Written in VB
Karna : Contract programmer
Dhrutarashtra : Visual C++
Gandhari : Dreamweaver
100 Kauravas : Microsoft Service Packs and patches

One


3 + 3 =8
Bataaon Kaise?
















Bataaon Bataaon!














Nahi Pata?!!














Are
Galati se!!!!!!!!!!!

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zindegi ek paheli hai...
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scroll karne se solve nahi hogi....


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Teacher: 'A' for?
Student: Apple !!!
Teacher: Jor se bolo
Student: JAI MATA DI


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Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki.

shivji khush .

Prakat hue ...

bole ...

.

.

puttar maang ...

maang kya chahiye tujhey !

bakth utha ...

bole shivji ...

mujhey to aap sirf ek guitar de do !

shivji bole kaisa gadha hai ?

unhone kaha ... puttar ...

tuney badi achchi tapsya ki hai ...

kuch bada maang !

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wo fir bola ... nahi ji ..mujhey to aap guitar hi do
shivji ne phir samajhaya .. abey . kuch dhang ka maang ... !

par wo to ada hi hua tha ... bola nahi ... aap to mujhey guitar hi do !

shivji usey bade pyaar se khopch me lekar samjhane lage ... bole ..yaar tu

kuch aur maang .. guitar na maang .. !

wo bola ... nahi nahi nahi !! mujhey sirf guitar hi chahiye ...

ab shivji gussey main aa gaye ... boley ,(scroll down)

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saale .. agar guitar mere paas hota to main ye damaru kyo bajata :)


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What's the opposite of "Dominoes"???

think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think

tired of thinking???

Well the answer is "Domi doesn't know"


Whats the oppo! site of "Pizza Hut"




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....







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okei don't kill me "Pizza Hutna math"



ok whats the opp of venky's..


















venlocks...
(now,now,dont bang ur head plz..)




Whats the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?
























Comepalakrishnan.


What is the opposite of Subramnium Swamy?






















Subramanium Didn't See Me.




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A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead.

"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss.

By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD
YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK!

WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

"Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."

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A guy is traveling in a deluxe car in the desert. He wants to take a bath, but he hasn't got a soap and there is no water anywhere around?

what can he do?









->>He will integrate his d-lux car to get Lux + c (constant of integration) Using the lux soap he will take bath in the ?c ! (Sea)

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ek baar teen ants jarahi thee.......
to unhein cheenee(sugar) ki bori milti hie to pahl! ee do cheenti to usmein se cheenee ke dane utha leti hei but ek nahi uthati batao kyu ..........



kyunki













kyunki





use sugar ki beemari thee


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how do u place a camel in a fridge in three steps??
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1.open the fridge
2.keep the camel inside it
3.close the fridge
n! ext one
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how do u place an elephant in the fridge in 4 steps??
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1.open fridge 2.take the camel out
3.place the elephant inside
4.close the door

there was a jungle meeting. all the animals were required to report. all of them turned out, except one. who was it and why??


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.the elephant... u put it in the refridgerator, remember ???


now u have to cross a river which ios inhabited by deadly crocodiles...but any way u have to cross that river ...how will u cross that ?
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it simple ...as all animals are attending the meeting ...so no crocodiles are there..so u can cross easily...

Okay in the jungle meeting where all the animals reported, they were welcomed with gutkha.....only one animal requested for a particular brand. which animal and which brand?








Ans: the animal is giraffe and he opted for "Manikchand" (Unche log unchi pasand !!!)


king lion goes on a search to find elephant
and has absolutely no problem in locatin this camel......y??








becoz our elephant kept his footwear outside the fridge.




suppose u need 2 transport all the things in ur house 4 relocating..suppose u go by aircraft ... it is losing height and pilot asks u throw something away to reduce load...what is the thing u will throw away to reduce the load??
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the elephant in the fridge!!!!!!!!


two persons r talkin by the swimming pool...one says he wont swim bcoz he is afraid of dying bcoz of drowning.....the other one says ...hey dont be afraid..i'll show u how 2 swim and he dives in the pool n starts swimming....
suddenly! , the man outside the pool dies...
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guess why????????
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the elephant falls on him.......(From the Fridge)
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ok enough time pass one final Q

ek haathi agar swimming pool mein gir gaya
to kaise bahar nikalega???????
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think
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think....
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geela ho ke nikalega......

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ek aadmi marne vala hei to use kya khilaoge .......

sweets nope
















salt nopes













think













think





















are yaar
birla white cement
kyunki iske ander jaan hei.......



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whats difference between a man jumping from 1st floor and a man jumping from 10th floor?
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former goes (hit) aaaaaaaaa
later goes aaaaaaaaa (hit)


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Other than being fruits, what is common between an Apple and an Orange?


think......
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socho socho
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the answer is ..........
They Both Are Not a Banana !!

This is so funny, but is creepy too!



















Think of a letter between
A and W.
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Repeat it
out loud as
you scroll down.
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Keep going . . .
Don't stop . . ..
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Think of an
animal
that begins
with that letter.
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Repeat it
out loud
as you
scroll down.
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Think of
either a man's/woman's
name
that
begins
with the
last letter
in the
animals name
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Almost
there........
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Now
count out
the letters
in that name
on the fingers
of the hand
you are not
using to
scroll down.
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Take the
hand you
counted with
and hold it out
in front of you
at face level
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Look at your
palm
very closely
and
notice
the
lines
in
your
hand
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Do the lines
take the
form of the
first letter
in the
persons name?
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. Of course not.......
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Now smack
yourself in the head, get a life,
and
quit playing
stupid
e-mail games!
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Don't
tell the secret
to others,
just send
them this e-mail!

We have all learned to live with 'voice mail' as a necessary part of modern
life. But have you wondered, what if God decided to install voicemail?'

Imagine praying and hearing this:

Hi! Thank you for calling GOD.

Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thanksgiving
Press 3 for Complaints
Press 4 for All Other Inquiries.
Else wait for our Customer Support Executive.

What if God used the familiar excuse... 'I'm sorry, all of our angels are
busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and will be answered in the order it as received, so please stay on the line.'

Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as you call God in Prayer:

If you would like to speak to Ganeshji, Press 1.
For Lord Hanuman, Press 2.
For Lord Krishna, Sorry He is on Annual Leave!
For a directory of other God's & Angels, Press 3.
If you would like to hear Narad sing a Bhajan while you are holding, please
press 4.
To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, Press 5, enter his
or her PAN number, then press the 0 key. If you get a negative response,
try area code 420 for (Hell).

Our computers show that you have already prayed once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow. This office is closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.

Please pray again Monday after 9:30 AM . If you need emergency assistance when this office is closed, contact your local Priest at your neighbourhood Temple.

THANK GOD, HE DOESN'T HAVE VOICE MAIL AND LISTENS WHENEVER WE PRAY!!!!!