Rage of Angels...

RAGE OF ANGELS



“Mothers are as capable as anyone, of feeling anger, aggression or ambivalence and they often feel it towards their own children or project it on them”

Meg Eastman Ph.D



Every one takes it for granted that a mother has to be a personification of compassion, patience and continuous love and every other positive emotion. But the fact is, A mother is a ‘woman’ too and every woman has “her own hot buttons”. Understanding why she gets angry is an important step in coping with the disturbing emotions. It is okay to get angry, as long as she handles her feelings safely and effectively. Some women as mothers can handle being over worked and under thanked but most women crack under them, and when a woman is resentful or feels taken advantage of, it has an effect on their entire family. Her aggressive behavior, repression, depression and regular out bursts can scar the family’s psyche on the whole



“We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly embracing each other” goes a wise saying. It is more so in case of a family, where woman is working, and is a mother, and is the caretaker and her spouse hardly shares her domestic problems. From where can she get the support to feel free and contented?!



It is the basic requirement of a man before being called “head of the family” to know the emotional, physical, social and financial needs of a woman and also to fulfill them and then think of starting a family. Here we are not talking about “unreasonable demands of women”.



Some women may want “a hug, a pat on the back from people who refuse to give because they are insensitive to her. Instead of getting angry or frustrated, a woman should let others know her needs by voicing them verbally, for, no crystal ball or sooth saying can convey her message to others.



Once a woman’s emotional needs are fulfilled by an understanding partner “she will begin to add meaning to life, sparkle to her existence and color to the ordinary moments of mundane life”. When a pebble is dropped into a pool and ripples are formed outwardly so also the joy of a woman spreads all around. Her children will receive her natural, spontaneous affection and she will not be left as a “guilty mother”, who feels dejected and blue for having shown her resentment on her children who don’t deserve it at all. Occasional out bursts which every one experiences are okay, but continuous anger will result in a very hard personality pattern, which is harder to undo.



When a woman feels that she is falling into the vicious cycle of ‘anger –resentment –guilt she should act immediately. Particularly, women who compulsively care for everyone’s needs, but martyrs her own will feel victimized and this act of ‘constant giving’ without joy or acknowledgement from loved ones can bring in total psychological bankruptcy. She becomes an angry wife, an angry mother, and an angry woman totally. For a docile, harmony loving woman to become angry, she expends her nervous energy fully and she is drawn into angry mode still further. Children accept an angry father more easily than an angry mother. To save children from the trauma of feeling neglected and constantly being shouted at, woman should try to channelize her ‘justified anger (?)’ to alter the situations which make her angry.



Some important points a woman should remember:



[a] Her children are not her punch bags.



[b] She need not structure her time to meet the need of everyone and feel suffocated for lack of breathing space.



[c] She need not believe that she is a super woman who is expected to be perfect at every thing.



[d] She should ‘ask for’, or ‘demand’ and accept help, it is not demeaning.



[e] She should learn to gather good feelings about herself. Best antidote for rage is feelings of self worth. When she takes a well deserved break she should not feel guilty but should feel “ why not, I deserve it!”.



Unwinding and giving vent to bottled up feelings will definitely help in not getting angry unnecessarily and unprovoked. A holistic approach towards gaining a balanced temperament is essential by practicing yoga, reiki, or pranic healing. Family counselor can unburden the troubled minds with guidance and help, if sought without inhibitions.



A woman, for that matter a man also, should realize that life is mutually giving and receiving, without exploitation, and in that continuous process, there is no place for unreasonable, unjustified, maligning ANGER……….

A Very Important Article.

Well said.

Dear Concorde,

True to your name, you sent in a very speedy response in 'concord' with my views. Thanks a lot.

ambika.

Ambika,
that was one great piece of article. You made my heart swell with pride that I have gifted you to Indusladies.
Well for starters you have made us sons realise that mothers also can get angry. And that affects mothers much more than we can imagine.
And its high time that we males realise that women want acknowledgement of work done if not appreciation for it, an expression of simple gratitude if not admiration from us who take the benefit of their work.
very good piece, Ambika. Keep it up.
regards,
sridhar

Dear Sridhar

You take so much pride in my writings I am overwhelmed. " To get the full value of joy, you must have somebody to divide it with" goes a saying ...and who can be better than a friend like you to share the joy of seeing my articles being appreciated..?? Thanks Sridhar for informing me about this wonderful site, which is giving me a lovely opportunity to interact with lovely ladies from all over. All the members are so enthusiastic, so inspiring, so brimming with life, each visit to the site is a joy ride.
Thanks
ambika.

Ambika,

This article is an eye opener, not only for those who perceive Mothers to be super natural beings (expected to live ONLY for her family and children), it is also for the Mothers themselves to realize they have the right for their own space, feelings and likings. Trying to crunch everything for the sake of others, outbursts as anger and agression.

Mothers need to 'get' everything they want and 'give' everything they can for the wellness of everyone.

Its a nice one.....according to me men and women are two sides of a coin both equally important and incomplete without each other. every relation that we have has its own significance and you can't compare any of them. our grandfather are different from our father different from our husband different from our son and so on.

Dear Malar and Ashna.

Thanks for your response. If my article acts as an eye-opener even for one person, I deem it a worthy one and will feel good for having written it.. I know I have voiced the feelings of many a mother...silently working towards the welfare of the whole family, but waiting for one good word ..
ambika

Hi,
I am a new member hence this late response.
My favourite example in this context is a common situation
When the airhostess gives insructions about use of Oxygen masks it is always adults/mothers BEFORE children.This shows that we can help our children only if we are fit & fine ourselves
Just a thought...

Good piece of message. It has come at the right time when I needed most. Thank you for the wonderful article. I had to follow atleast some of them from now on.
It reminds me of the proverb' saadhu minrandaal kaadu kolladhu'.
thank you once again.
sriniketan