Nice one ..................

Lessons for all----a nice
> one
>
> A young executive was leaving the office at 6
> p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a
> shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
>
> 'Listen,' said the CEO, 'this is a very
> sensitive and important document, and my secretary
> has left. Can you make this thing work?'
>
> 'Certainly,' said the young executive. He
> turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and
> pressed the start button.
>
> 'Excellent, excellent!' said the CEO as his
> paper disappeared inside the machine. 'I just need
> one copy.'
>
> Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS
> knows everything.
>
>
> A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to
> the teller at the window: 'I want to open a damn
> checking account.'
>
> To which the astonished woman replies: 'I beg
> your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you.
> What did you say?'
>
> 'Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a
> damn checking account right now!'
>
> 'I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate
> that kind of language in this bank.' Having said
> this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to
> the bank manager to tell him about her problem
> customer. They both return and the manager asks the
> old geezer: 'What seems to be the problem here?'
> 'There's no damn problem, sonny,' the elderly man
> says. 'I just won 50 million bucks in the damn
> lottery and I want to open a damn checking account
> in this damn bank!'
>
> 'I see,' says the manager thoughtfully. 'And
> you're saying that this bitch here is giving you a
> hard time?'
>
> Lesson II - If you are RICH, you can get away
> with almost anything.
>
>
> An American and a Japanese were sitting on the
> plane on the way to LA when the American turned to
> the Japanese and asked, 'What kind of ese are you?'
> Confused, the Japanese replied, 'Sorry but I don't
> understand what you mean.' The American repeated,
> 'What kind of -ese are you?' Again, the Japanese was
> confused over the question.
>
> The American, now irritated, then yelled,
> 'What kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese,
> Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???' The Japanese
> then replied, 'Oh, I am a Japanese.'
>
> A while later the Japanese turned to the
> American and asked what kind of 'key' was he. The
> American, frustrated, yelled, 'What do you mean what
> kind of '-key' am I?!'
>
> The Japanese said, 'Are you a Yankee, donkee,
> or monkee?'
>
> Lesson III - Never insult anyone.
>
>
> There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German,
> a British and a French, who found this small genie
> bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie
> appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him
> out of the bottle, he said, 'Next to you all are 4
> swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish.
> When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout
> what you want the pool of water to become, then your
> wish will come true.'
>
> The French wanted to start. He ran towards the
> pool, jumped and shouted 'WINE'. The pool
> immediately changed into a pool of wine. The
> Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from
> the pool.
>
> Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same
> and shouted,' VODKA' and immersed himself into a
> pool of vodka.
>
> The German was next and he jumped and shouted,
> 'BEER'. He was so contented with his beer pool.
>
> The last is the British. He was running
> towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana
> peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,
> SHIT!!!!!!!.........'
>
> Lesson IV - Think twice before you say
> something, because sometimes what you say
> accidentally does happen.
>
>
> A junior manager, a senior manager and their
> boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way
> through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They
> rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says,
> 'Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you
> are three, I will allow one wish each'
>
> So , the eager senior manager shouted, I want
> the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a
> fast boat and have no worries. 'Pfufffff, and he was
> gone.
>
> Now the junior manager could not keep quiet
> and shouted ' I want to be in Florida with beautiful
> girls, plenty of food and cocktails. 'Pfufffff, and
> he was also gone.
>
> The boss calmly said, 'I want these two idiots
> back in the office after lunch'
>
> Lesson V - 'Always allow the bosses to speak
> first

those were lovely....great....keep posting...