Funny lines...

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It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air

and water that are doing it.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not

screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

Men are like bank accounts...without a lot of money they don't generate a lot
of interest!

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to

myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. So, 'never try'!

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to

those places.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it

from ;)

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate

plants.

"Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway."

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

The road to success is always under construction.

The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is the day they make a

vacuum cleaner !

“Hit any user to continue.”

Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?

Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy

when I had $48 million.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with

an insurance salesman?

Don't Insult the Alligator till you cross the river.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not,

you'll become a philosopher.

"Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything

back..

Why do nerds confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because OCT31=DEC25 ;)

"Treat me like an angel and I'll be your devil."

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take

our breath away."

"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."

"Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will

make."

Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

Theory of LIFE "If you couldn't repair brakes in your car, make your horn

louder."

A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Research is the process of stealling ideas from many persons ;)

"Careful with that light at the end of the tunnel, it might be another train

coming."

"don't drink and drive you might spill your beer"

Love is like a rose in winter, only the strong survive

Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think your are

NUTS ;)

"loved by some, hated by many, envied by most, yet wanted by plenty!"

"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."

don't regret doing things, regret getting caught

Anger is one letter short of danger.

"Here officer, hold my beer while I find my license."

Learn from the mistakes of others, because you can't live long enough to make

them all yourself.

Trust your instincts and listen to your friends, because they may be right when

you don't want them to be

They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the

truth I get sent to my room?!

Love is a two sided coin. Its like heaven ; hurts like hell.

"Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gurgle."

"I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose"

If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!

All world's a stage; I didn't get cast!

Every morning is the dawn of a new error

OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO

@ A repair shop:WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE

DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

good ones....

very funny!!!