Why bride go to the grooms home after wedding.

saam04 · Jun 1, 2009

I always feel why the bride should only go to the groom's home leaving her parents behind.
Are they not loving parents who brought up the little angel to see live happily.Is it only the parents of boys having the right to live with them.I still do not understand how this set up came in society and practiced over years without even consulting the girl.
Okay they take the girl to the house Is she given the treatment that she deserves?
In most cases her own parents themselves become different and they need to love their parents within.
Yes like the divine dwell within and how much ever we search outside we cannot find.
The same way the girls love lives within and cannot show outside.Why?
Why is it the boy given a royal treatment in the girls home and they feel uncomfortable in the inlaws home but expect the girls to adopt the inlaws as own parents?
Earlier the men were working and the women were dependant but today it is different.
I totally disagree this system and both the parents should be loved and adopted by both the girl and the boy and care given as per the need without any comparison.
Let us discuss and try to respect the parenthood whether they gave birth to boy or girl.

Priya_Mommy · Jun 1, 2009

hi saam04,
SUch a thought provoking question it is. Instead of sharing my opiniong here, i am eagerly waiting for some good explanations from our co Ilites. Thanks for posting your query which made us think.

saam04 · Jun 1, 2009

There is always a harmonious solution............
If you stand back and give yourself time to find it.
Let us take sometime and try a harmonious change in our lives.
After all life is beautiful and we should make it liveable

rekhas · Jun 1, 2009

This has been on my mind too. Haven't received explanations that address them. Any thoughts?

saam04 · Jun 1, 2009

Let us wait for our fellow IL to share their thoughts.Welcome all of you to share.

Ranchu · Jun 2, 2009

Am surprised why there are no replies to this.
Let me share an incident in my family. My aunt has this ideal solution -she keeps telling us that when her son gets married she would make him stay separately. just like how the bride leaves her family , the groom should also leave the family and stay as a nuclear family. And she did maintain that after his wedding.
I keep asking my mom will she do it , havent got an answer for that yet.
But i would love to have that kind of lifestyle among all ladies/families. I hate to see the groom happily spends time with his parents when i suffer something called "home-sick" (logically that is my home and am missing my parents ) .

I would love to shoot the person who first came up with this life-style of brides leaving parents.:rant

krithikrish · Jun 2, 2009

Hello People

As we have a lot of happenings in our families based on customs, this is one among them. However, none has a proper explanation.

Yes, it is not sane / fair to follow such a custom and like others, I stronglyl welcome the change for the better.

I'd suggest that either the newly married couple live a life together without any parents along, or both sets of parents living with them, provided it doesnt create chaos at home. Or the other solution would be that each set of parents live with this couple for 6 months in one year.

Whatever it is, I am deadly against the thought in boys' parents head that they've acheived something great by having a son and not a daughter, as if they've got two horns on their heads ( though they dont understand that they look horrible with the horns and the attitude following it ).

Krithi.

Bujji · Jun 2, 2009

Saam

I am in accord with every word of you.

There are few things in our culture which are utter crap.
I do not see a single point why the bride should move to another home but not the groom.
Guess this has the starting point in marriage customs where they do "tharai varkaradhu" - means parents giving up their girl to groom's parents.

If I were Manmohan Singh, I will surely pass a law for marriage couple to live alone, not with their in-laws.

Ranchu

"I would love to shoot the person who first came up with this life-style of brides leaving parents"

This is what I often say to my parents and sisters

saam04 · Jun 2, 2009

Thank you all vary much.I was thinking only I was talking rubbish while i have posted others are burning in heart.
Each one of us the future mother in law should tune the mind to give a change to our children.
Expecting more comments.
I liked the phrase,"If I were Mr.Manmohansingh............"
Need to know more on this issue as this will bring happiness in the lives of our children.
when ever my daughter sleeps late in the morning and feels lazy I will always feel there is another mother bringing up her daughter lovingly like angel as i do to wed to my son and not for me to head her and when I see my son 's action I always imagine there another boy growing like him to come in to my home to wed my daughter.
I respect parenthood but understand that the new comers are also children loved by their parents.
Make them stick to us by the love and care we give and show and not by heading them.
Let us share and get ready for accepting the change.

Prettina · Jun 2, 2009

Hi saam,

You are right but i feel that the trend is changing so much today in city.

Because in laws nowadays are cautious hearing about the complaints of other daughter in law who gets up late,live their life their own way,expect equal respect and etc etc.

Exactly DIL's are correct they should live their life inspite of fear of inlaws what they will think and all?

How much will the DIL's act before them?

They were also a daughter at their mother's place getting up late,enjoying life,no household chores and etc.

I am not objecting the DIL's independence is essential one.

Yeah I think that inlaws have started realising atleast 50% that guy and DIL should have a nuclear family.

But this 50% mostly includes the city dweller.

The people in village are still the same.

My God when will these people change??????????

But one of my frnd who is a muslim and has native near a village in tenkasi says that their belongings are always at their mother's place after marriage.They visit their moms place everyday morning and help their Mother in some work and then again return to their MIL's place in the evening get fresh do some help to their mother-in -law stay there at night.And this continues daily

This is their village tradition they follow this until their husband takes a separate home.The main thing is mostly all the males of their village are abroad and the ladies stay here and follow this tradition and visit their husbands place once a day and night they stay at mom's place when husband is away if husband comes here they stay at night.

They make proposal only within their village.

It was a wonder for me.:hiya

She used to wonder I dont know how you people go and live in your husbands place.:spin:spin:spin

Wish I could have born in that village.:bowdown