Not working ,no kids

Discussion in 'Fertility & Trying to Conceive' started by Nittu, Dec 3, 2009.

  1. Nittu

    Nittu Senior IL'ite

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    Hi friends
    I am TTC for nearly 8 years.. I know that infertility is giant roller coaster,i have been experienecing for all these years...I have asked by most of the ppl,how i pass my time without a job /without kids.Though i have ignored their words ,but sometimes i get hurt.
    I have never complained to anyone that am bored . Is non working women not given respect? Or does couple must have kids or is it unusual??
    Please tell me friends how should i take such questions?:hide:
     
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  2. sharanyadevi

    sharanyadevi Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Nittu,
    These people are really sick... Just give them a smile.. or whenever they ask tell them you are as busy as them doing household, taking good care of your Dh...
    Never worry about these people, think they all are mad. We very well know that they are not just asking out of love, but simply for a topic...don't worry Nittu.. pray well... God will answer us very soon...
     
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  3. Vasumathy

    Vasumathy Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    HI Nittu,
    I was working & quitted my job to succeed in this TTC! Handling TTC without work is littel boring though!

    Leave those people's word. That is not going to help you in any way. Most people don't mind their own business & poke their nose everywhere... Don't get bothered about them. Do some good works for you & your dh.

    There is an existing thread on handling those nossy ppl. Iterate the pages of this forum.
     
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  4. Nittu

    Nittu Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Sharanyadevi
    Thanks for the reply. I really love to take care of my Dh .
    I too feel the same way as you think.They ask me
    weird questions sometimes,like...how can u be without working..
    no kids...Some are forcing me why you are not taking treatment...thinking i haven't gone thro any treatments.
    These days i started telling them please ask my personals. I don't know whether i am rude,but got no way to avoid those Q's.
    I try to ignore,not giving answers but that stress keeps accumulating...
     
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  5. Nittu

    Nittu Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you Vasu for letting me know abt that thread!
     
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  6. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    Nittu, I am sorry that your private problems are being forced out into the open by these rude and uncivilised people. Some people have no concept of what are acceptable and appropriate topics for conversation, and what are not. This does not mean, however, that you have to allow them to take such liberties with you. Their lack of good manners and inquisitiveness need not necessarily be your problem.

    You are well within your rights to tell them that your fertility, non-working status, or anything else, is your own personal business and that you'd prefer not to discuss it. As an adult, you are free to spend your day any way you want to. You don't need to account for your whereabouts or activities to anyone. You also don't need your personal life to be used as a topic for conversation. Normal people talk about the weather, or politics, not a woman's struggle to fall pregnant when she is clearly uncomfortable sharing such details.

    If you choose to share these details, or ask someone for advice or support, that is quite another matter. However, I want to stress to you that it is YOUR choice. Don't let anyone force you into revealing details you'd rather keep to yourself, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for not sharing the reasons why you do the things you do.

    You are not at all being rude if you don't want to discuss these things - it is quite the opposite. It is the questioners who are the rude ones. I also don't believe that ignoring something is always an effective way to solve a problem. Perhaps it is time for you to stand up for yourself and assert your right to privacy. You can do this pleasantly and calmly. If you continue to keep quiet, grin and bear it, discuss things against your will, or ignore them, there is a good chance the questions will never stop.

    Be firm, and be decisive. Your own stress is likely to diminish as soon as you start asserting your right to freedom to make your own decisions and keeping your personal life personal. You owe it to yourself, especially at a time (TTC) when it is important for you not to have any stress. Best of luck in keeping calm, putting the nosy people in their places, and falling pregnant soon :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 1, 2010
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  7. Nittu

    Nittu Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Ansuya
    I felt so happy to read your reply, atleast someone understood my feelings. when ever i discussed with few friends they told just ignore ...
    But what u have told me ,is very soothing,consoling...
    Being in US i never expected this type of discussions among the educated.
    As i have started answering back ,i am able to have peaceful sleep. Thank a lot for letting me know that what am telling is not rude...
    Big hug to u dear,for taking time to advise me patiently.:thumbsup
     
  8. knot2share

    knot2share Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Nittu

    I know how you feel as I am in the same situation as yourself or should I say, I have been through your situation. But there are still many who ask me how I spend my day without a job and without kid(s). You know there is another take on this issue and I hope people don't get offended when I say this. When people nag you or me about such things, they are probably jealous of the fact that it is just you and hubby or me and my hubby. I don't mean to under evaluate what you have gone through regarding your TTC process because I know it is a mental trauma as well as physical and emotional.

    They probably feel they are at a disadvantage as you get to do your own things but they are not. I feel that is quite a natural feeling. When people ask what you do, just tell them that there are so many things to do, even if it is just hubby and you at the moment. Tell them you are enjoying your time at home and doing what you like.

    I agree with Ansuya too. What others nag you about is the least important thing that should be bothering you at the moment. So take control of yourself and try to relax and stay cheerful.

    Take care of yourself.
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2009
  9. Nittu

    Nittu Senior IL'ite

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    Hi dear Friend
    I was so happy to read your reply. Actually we have given enough try TTC ,initially we thought without kid we are not happy,as some of our friends kept insisting that child is a must. Now we feel that we have time for ourselves...living every moment of life:) as u have told. I have heard ppl deciding not have kids in their life from my family doctor. Now we are living like one of them. I realised that "Life cannot be spent on worrying in something which may or may not have!"
    Indus friends are giving me lots of energy to face the problems!
     
  10. roopahari

    roopahari New IL'ite

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    Dear Nittu,
    Thank you so much for bringing up the topic. I am in the same situation right now, and the questions people ask really bother me.
    It is very difficult to find people who can actually understand what we are going through.....
     

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