Trying to conceive

Discussion in 'Fertility & Trying to Conceive' started by Elsa, Feb 12, 2015.

  1. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    I have been going through a lot of posts on this forum lately. I was hoping to find a solution to my problem in atleast one of the posts here, before posting mine. I have seen problems like mine doubted to be fake/trolls which made me hesitate to ask solutions to my problem here. But now, i think I should not waste anymore time in trying to find an answer/solution for myself, instead ask for one here.I got married 2 years ago when I was 30, to a wonderful man 4 years older than me, who is truly a gentleman in all aspects. It was an arranged marriage. He is highly educated, well behaved, loving and caring, goes out of his way to help friends and family and keep them happy. And me too. I am truly blessed to have a life partner like him. He is my best friend. I have no issues with my parents or my in laws either. The only problem I have in my married life is lack of s**. Lots of hugs, kisses and touches, but ZERO s**. We did try 2-3 times, but were not successful. In the initial days of marriage, i thought he needed time to know me. Then he got so busy with work that we hardly had dinner together, forget about going to bed together. This went on for months together. Even on days he was not that busy with work, he would either spend time watching TV or catch up on some sleep as he would be tired from the previous day's or week's work. It's so embarassing and infact shameful to admit that we are still virgins. Now, there is pressure from both our families on us to have kids. Even I felt there is absolutely no reason to delay having kids. For a couple of months, I could not figure out what was wrong, who the problem lied with. I saw a gynaec and she said i am healthy enough to get pregnant. I asked my husband to see a doctor. He didnt like the idea at first, but he did some research and scheduled an appointment with a doctor. As most of you know, it takes so long to get a doctor's appointment here in the US, in our case we got one for which we had to wait 2 months. The doctor suspected that my husband had hormone problem, so he ordered for a blood test. And we could get the next appointment after 2 months. My question is, how long would it take to get the hormone problems fixed, if any?? Just in case, it is something that cannot be fixed at all, are there any other safe options to have a child?(biological only). I read about IVF, but I am not sure how easy or complicated the process is. I have no intentions of divorce or adoptions as of now.
     
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  2. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    Hi everyone,

    I have been waiting for a reply since I posted this query. Can anyone provide me with some information please. I have been searching on the internet for relevant information, but wanted to try here too.
     
  3. VanithaSudhir

    VanithaSudhir Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Elsa,

    I am trying to understand. By virgins, you mean you are not able to have penetrative sex ?
    It will be a problem, sometimes in the initial days of marriage. The way women have pain, men may also experience some discomfort. You both need to try different positions if the conventional way doesn't enable penetration.
    My suggestion is that you and your husband should consult a sexologist . I don't think this has anything to do with hormones.. unless until he doesn't get an erection. I have seen many of my friends who have experienced this problem in their marriage and have have had counseling with a sexologist.
    So better late than never. Please consult a sexologist.
     
  4. tripletsmom

    tripletsmom New IL'ite

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    Hi Elsa..I just joined the site and found your post, so this is my first reply to a post in the forum. I am sorry to hear about your situation, but don't worry. I had been through a very similar experience, and we had our first intercourse almost a year after the marriage, if you can believe it. Let the hormone test result come, and keep updating. Sometimes it will work out w/o any medication- just a matter of setting your mind on it- as in our case. Don't be disheartened. You are 32 now, I conceived at 35, via IVF. And I have triplets, now three years old. So don't worry and update us.
    Cheers.
     
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  5. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for your kind replies. My husbands test reports , as per the doc, are ok. He was given Viagra meds. It has been over 2 years of marriage, age catching up and nothing happening yet. I feel, if we dont end up having babies, we are the ones to be blamed first than talking about fate, destiny or whatever.

    As one another IL suggested, I will try to see a secologist.

    Did Any lifestyle changes, time/day schedule changes that helped anyone? I mean like getting up early, retiring for the day early, physical activity, or vitamin supplements?
     
  6. hopebelief

    hopebelief Senior IL'ite

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    Elsa,

    Leave me a Pm, will try to help..even i was facing the same issue years back.though ours was not a case of 2 yrs, it took nearly 3 months for us.
     

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