TTC Vent

Discussion in 'Fertility & Trying to Conceive' started by rmuramka, Feb 9, 2015.

  1. rmuramka

    rmuramka Gold IL'ite

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    Ok...So I'm back..with a vent!
    Just wanted to share it with my TTC buddies @teejay, @Twinkel, @EagerMom and all other gals here.....pls confirm that I am not going Maniac here!:spin. And extremely sorry if I have spoiled anybody's peace of mind here.

    Since a few days...I feel verrryyy down sometimes. The moment I get up in the morning.I am already in thinking mode. "Another day....another loooong week. Nothing neww here.....when is all this waiting game going to end......"..and such "blaaahh" thoughts. I keep standing in the kitchen and staring at nowhere...endless thoughts!

    And some days..I am verrry positive and chirpy. "ok..I am in TTC phase.....I have some hurdles...so what.....I am working towards it. It'll get fixed soon. And I will conceive very soon. Why should i fret about it now?? Lemme live my life today".

    My MIL is an extremely supportive and cool lady. But, she is currently obsessed with her elder grand son i.e. BIL's son (or probably I feel so). Everytime I speak to her on phone...she starts off..I saw him on skype today..he is smiling...his teeth seem prominent now. HE is walking steadily.....on and on and on.Witsend. I know I am being mean here....but I seriously cannot seem to be able to take that talk! I am somehow avoiding talking to her these days. Whenever Dh talks to her and asks me if I want to talk.I simply say..I'm in d washroom...or busy wid something! I feel bad in doing that!

    I have quit FB because all I saw there was "my darling turning one.."..."my adorable princess/..." kinda posts. And now same happening with whatsapp. All my friends do these days is..share their kid's pics. I know I cannot run away from these all the time.but I sure am not able to stand it as well.:hide:

    I feel these days I have two ppl living inside me. If you see my posts here, I am giving positive kinda talks to my ttc buddies...but I am venting out in the "Religious " threads!!
    Am I becoming depressive?? Obsessive?? Maniac?? :drowning

    Soooorrryyy galss........I know thats suchhhaa depressing post...but haddd to put it down somewhere!!
    @suryakala ma, your insights would be helpful here as well!

    Thanks for hearing it out..........
    Good luck for the next cycle!!:cheers
     
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  2. saps105

    saps105 Gold IL'ite

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    hi rmuramka,

    Vent as much as you want. IL is the best place to do that. I feel such a relief after venting here. My MIL too keeps talking about my toddler nephew. making me want to Witsend. just feel like cutting off the call.
    I know she is not doing that on purpose but still it hurts. also as you said friends and family sharing baby pictures is a torture too.
     
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  3. preethiitech

    preethiitech Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I truly understand.. What worked best for me during those times were just AVOID all of them, the friends on FB, your MIL, anything to do with things which make you vent.

    Also, remember to keep yourself super busy.. Busy with work, cleaning the house, travelling.. It should be just as if you have no time to sit or relax.. Just keep your calendar busy.. And this is my solution.. and it worked for me. I could accomplish a lot of things and never went into venting mode.
     
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  4. teejay

    teejay Gold IL'ite

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    @rmuramka ,babe you are not a maniac or a nut job. If you are ,then I would also be one. I go through all the things you have mentioned (except for the ranting on religious threads part :) ) My younger brother is going to be a dad soon and every time I call my mom she gushes about her impending grand-parenthood. Makes me sick with jealousy. Though I feel ashamed of the emotion, I cant seem to control it. I religiously avoid talking to my sis in law. poor thing must think I don't like her. But what do i do!
    Lets just console ourselves with the thought that this is a passing phase and motherhood will also bring out the best human emotions in us.
    I'm making this an official 'vent thread' and am adding my rants ! I was hoping against hope that god will work some miracle for me.But lets be practical here, it doesn't look like a possibility. So planning to do ivf in 3-4 months. Will have to go down to my native for the procedure . Any one know how long one IVF will take? I can take only a max of 40-45 days off from work.If this takes longer than that, I can kiss my job good bye. If only life was not so complicated Witsend
     
  5. rmuramka

    rmuramka Gold IL'ite

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    @teejay,
    Same case with me. We have some hurdles in our fertility journey and our doc has suggested that we might have to go for IVF directly..once the treatment we are taking completes a certain no. of courses. But, stupid silly me...is always..every month hoping for a miracle. Probably...just probably...god was really in a playful mood, and I conceived naturally. To add to all this never ending guessing game....my cycle has gone sooo 'kaput'.......that every month it gets delayed and me being me...start my "what if" games. finally it just ends up being a "un-ruptured" follicle..delayed ovulation...or plain stress!!

    And as if i was not frustrated enough...my manager pinges me a few days back and she informed me of my counter parts in the US..who are going to be on MAT leave from this month. She very playfully said...."x is going....y would go next month...wow so many ppl....I guess next its you". DUH...waitingsmiley.

    Well.......poor ppl ..no one to be blamed but my over stressed..over irritated..ttc obsessed mind!!
     
  6. rmuramka

    rmuramka Gold IL'ite

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    @saps105, @preethiitech
    thanks for hearing me out....
     
  7. WiniPooh

    WiniPooh Gold IL'ite

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    Hi rmuramka,
    Relax..take a deep breath! Its a terrible phase to be in and have every soul around you to be either expecting or had a kid turning 1 or so. I know the feeling coz I have gone through that and believe me the 5 year TTC journey I went through...I used to feel that I was jinxed totally and every soul I saw whereever I went was preggy! Thats called the preggy madness...when you are desperately trying to get pregnant, you will feel that everysoul you bump into at the store, bus, office, mall etc are preggy and you are only unlucky. Believe me, its a terrible feeling and you get really low, then cranky and then seriously moody...been there done that, so can totally relate to your chaos.

    After I went through that phase for about 2 months, it was my grandpa (who's a doc) who drove some serious sense into me. His logic was simple and utterly practical....Everything in life has a time when it is to happen, you can rush or delay it...thats destiny. You need to accept stuff for what it is worth...whats the worst case scenario, its just your hubby and you, who love each other...if you have an open heart, welcome a child through adoption and share that love...best case scenario, you accept the current situation and allow time to flow, stress will come down and you will automatically conceive, coz God doesnt torture people once they accept reality!!! Even if you think of a mid way solution of using ART to conceive, it takes a while, but it will happen...Bottomline, its all about your belied and resolve. If you believe that good things will come your way, things will work in due course...dont allow your heart to get depressed and upset by such things. Think of it this way, God is testing you now and will give you all the best things in life shortly!

    Hang in there...and keep the faith! Use this forum to vent, it will make you feel a lot better and realise very quickly that you are not alone in this journey...more than enough of us who have taken this journey and succeeded and a good number who are on this journey supporting each other through this. Be positive, its only a matter of time that you have your bundle of joy in your arms.
     
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  8. rmuramka

    rmuramka Gold IL'ite

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    @winipooh....
    I know...I know. No sooner..no later..Just when it's the right time. I sometimes just don't think of my ttc at all. Days pass by and I am happy in my own world. Suddenly I pinch myself..and say.."hello....did you forget..ttc..stress..pressure..AF.." and then I go......ohh I almost forgot about it......:hide:.
    I know I might be suffering from TTC OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)faintingsmiley.

    But yeah......if not for IL..god knows I would have burst open like a hot air balloon.
    Warning folks.....to many more vents on d way :boo:
     
  9. luckwaves

    luckwaves Platinum IL'ite

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    @rmuramka,

    Can very well relate your state dear ... I was there in your shoes till last year ...
    Quitted FB and all social networking sites , stopped talking unnecessarily with people, avoided birthday party's . People tried intentionally /unintentionally to spoil my peace . As Preethi said I kept myself away from people who are trying spoil my peace . Kept myself occupied with yoga , diet plans , hospital visits and poojas .

    What I do to vent out is write what is there in my mind addressing to God and will place it on HIS feet with a hope that God will read and answer one day . It will give you a good relief dear . Take a minute daily around the same time and pray to the almighty .

    I conceived in my 6th IUI (no medication ) . Doctor and DH lost hope and thought IVF is the only solution for me to conceive . But God as HIS own plan . I should say mine is a miracle baby .

    Trust me , now when I hold my LO in my arms I don't even remember the pain I have gone through for 4 years . There is delay but no Denial in the almightys dharbar . Don't worry dear you will have your day very soon . God is trying to mould you to be a very strong mother .

    This phase shall cross too ... Will have you in my prayers and wish you soon throw a good news .

    Yes try interacting with suryakala amma , sakthi sister . Their post will always encourage us to move further . Don't give up till you hit your goal dear.

    Take care
     
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  10. rmuramka

    rmuramka Gold IL'ite

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    @luckwaves,
    thanks for taking time out with my pointless rants and answering them patiently. I simply cannot do all this at home. I am the stronger person amongst me and my Dh (atleast that's how I behave at home). I do not let him fret about ttc. I keep the atmosphere at home very jovial and happy. But I have to get it out somewhere and what best place than IL. Where people do not ask you logics..do not give you speeches. They simply lend a hearing ear..and then give you comforting answers!

    Just waiting for God's miracle to happen :)
     

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