Infertility: A frustrating phase in a woman's life

Discussion in 'Fertility & Trying to Conceive' started by kvinde, Sep 2, 2014.

  1. kvinde

    kvinde Senior IL'ite

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    I got married five years ago and my husband didn't wanted a child right away. He wasn't mentally ready to become a father. Somewhere even I wasn't ready to become a mother. So I went with the flow. Three years went by and husband still wasn't ready. Meanwhile, my father in law fell horribly sick and all our savings went down the drain. My husband's mind was occupied with his father's health and other familial stuff. This was also the time when I was put on a hormonal replacement therapy for hypothyroid. It took my doctors two years to start the treatment. I was suffering from irregular menstruation. From 2011 to 2012, I was put on contraceptive pills to regularise my menstrual cycle. This further effected my menstrual cycle.

    In the October of 2013, my husband and I started the brief journey of infertility treatment. The Octobers, Novembers and Decembers went with tests and expecting a proper menstrual cycle. The treatment for IUI started in mid January and finally in mid February, I underwent IUI with lot of positive thoughts. I was counting every day and hoping that AF doesn't come. It crossed 15 day mark, when I was asked to do home pregnancy test. It came out negative. I did another test the next day and I was disappointed. Then on 18th day arrived AF in full force. I stopped the treatment as we were moving to different country. Besides that I was under heavy stress as husband had already quit his new job and searching for a new one. So I thought it's better to take a break and start the treatment in the new country.

    My husband loves me very much and I have no doubt about it. He is very sensitive and tender person. I never met a man who can be so damn cooperative and loving. He even assured me that we can adopt a baby. And his love for me will not change because of my infertility. He is a man of his words. Yes, our love blossomed over the years.

    Now we moved to a new country and I feel hopeless. I'm jobless with no friends or relatives to pour my heart to. Fully ****ed up relationship with parents, siblings and in laws. Nowhere to go. I can't start the treatment as I'm yet to get my paper work done. And this will take a few months. My life might have enhanced materially but only I know how hollow my life has become. I have no reason to get up in the morning. I'm trying my best to be optimistic but in vain.

    I compare my life with the lives of those Palestinians, Syrians, Iraqis etc. and I feel guilty for expecting too from life. But my life is not a bed of roses either. All I need is a one healthy baby. Is it too much to expect from life?

    These days I dread calling my mom because all I get to hear is his daughter has become pregnant or her sister has become pregnant. It hurts beyond words!!! Every time I tried to get up and walk, I'm pinned down horribly. I have no choice but to accept it. Future looks blank and bleak. I don't see anything. As a teenager, I new what I wanted to become five years down the lane and chased my dream. But now the soul is dying...
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2014
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  2. PriyaSrini

    PriyaSrini Moderator Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi kvinde,

    I know how you feel, I walk the same path, you have opened up while I have chosen to ignore the elephant... Hope is all we have so hold on.
     
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  3. pumpkin01

    pumpkin01 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Kvinde, don't loose hope.... remember stress plays a big role in manipulating the hormones. I know it's easy said but try to be positive and believe in God. You can find many success story here in IL where we have struggled but have also succeeded to hold our babies.

    Not sure if you are aware but have you made your hubby's hormone test ? and other tests ?? the hormone imbalance in men affects the interest in s**x.

    Do try to consult a good Gynecologist. Good luck and loads of baby dust.
     
  4. memeera1234

    memeera1234 Gold IL'ite

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    Hey kvinde,
    Understand what you are going through. Its a tough life for all in TTC way... hopes, medications, frustrations... but there is very little we can do except trying and praying.
     
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  5. mrithulanaren

    mrithulanaren Gold IL'ite

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    Hi kvinde,
    surely you will hold your baby dear..dont loose hope ..always there will be a LIGHT at the end of the tunnel.
    Be positive and try to indulge yourself in any of your hobbies.
    create your own world which gives only happiness around you.
    keep STRESS at bay while TTC.
    Dont bother for the things which you dont have control over it.

    read positive success stories of TTC.


     
  6. Swatir23

    Swatir23 Gold IL'ite

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    I completely rekate wut u kevinde.
    Simetjmd people dont aklow to forget us our ttc.
    I was invilved and happy at ganesh festival in colony and lady distributjng orasad said "bahot ho gaya ab.do se tin ho jao' i was very upset and fidng attain anh evrnt later.
     
  7. kanthtx

    kanthtx Gold IL'ite

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    dont loose hope.. i have known couples who got kidsafter 9 or 10 yrs of marraige...

    for some people this aspect tends to be slower ... this is the same like some people getting married late in life or settling down with a job... some people get this in their early 20's where as some get settled in their 30's...

    so dont stress out or beat up urself so hard... think that it will happen... be positive..

    and try to do some thing else in ur life ... apart from constant thought of kids.. try a new college course, play a sport or sing, dance, paint, stitch... do something that can help u occupied... there is so much knowledge in the world that u can gain..

    learn abt the new country.. try new recipes.. do something...

    caution, the more u keep regretting and worrying about this.. u will end up in depression... and ultimately hurt ur relation ship with ur DH.. so keep moving forward on a positive note...
     
  8. happyperson

    happyperson Gold IL'ite

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    Hugs to you dear! Every woman undergoing TTC for years can understand your feeling. This is the question i ask myself - If i get depressed and keep thinking of the situation - is it going to get better? Is somebody going to boost your positive thoughts. Instead of that use that energy to plan and execute things. Plan your treatment, be practical and realistic. Pray God to show they way. Try to avoid baby talks with anybody, if that is depressing you. Feel free to talk about treatment, your plan etc to anybody. Don't take any guilt.

    IL is the best place to share and there are n number of loving people here who motivate each other and achieve the goal. Read about the success stories here.

    What does doctor say in your condition? what are the options? Let me know if you want to PM me as well.

    Take care of your health and mind. Dont loose them during this journey.
     
  9. manali86

    manali86 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi kvinde,

    I can understand you very well as I am also walking the same path. This TTC journey is very frustating but we have only one thing that is HOPE- Never lose it.
    Be positive & pray to God, only he can give us this happiness.
    I pray to God that very soon you will be blessed with a healthy baby! My wishes for you.
    Hugs & Love
     
  10. DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

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    First and foremost, don't stress. I know what you are going through, even though with God's grace, we were blessed after 4 years.

    More than anything else, remember your husband's love and support. He is with you in this and even though we don't realize it often, the guys too suffer when they are unable to have a child. My husband also said the same thing "If not blood, we will adopt" It was after a few miscarriages, and taunts from many "concerned" relatives that we actually gave up all hope. Once we stopped stressing and decided that if God wanted, we would have a baby, I conceived and actually had my baby.

    One thing to remember, once you have one, the taunts don't stop. We have been through the whole infertility testing thing wanting baby # 2, and I still get those questions "when will DS have a baby sister". People think that having a baby is like going to the market and buying one.

    Don't let others bother you. Keep your love strong and be there for each other. When you least expect it, you will be blessed.

    Hugs to you. Stay strong.
     

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