Infertility: A frustrating phase in a woman's life

Discussion in 'Fertility & Trying to Conceive' started by kvinde, Sep 2, 2014.

  1. Harini73

    Harini73 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I was also in your shoes 7 years before and I can understand your pain and frustration.But don't loose hope.You will soon hold your baby in hand like us.

    If you are not able to make friends immediately,try to get involved yourself in some hobby to avoid depression.




     
  2. adinil

    adinil Silver IL'ite

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    dont loose hope...you will soon ur LO in your arms...patience is the best medicine for every problem
    take care
     
  3. JigsSM

    JigsSM Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Kvinde,

    Yes it is indeed a very frustrating part of the life. With every failure you are broken. But do not losse hopes. I am also in same boat like you... TTC from last 4 years with many IUI failure and recently one ICSI failure :drowning

    Hope God will see our struggle and bless us with lovely baby one day.. Keep the hopes and do not get stressed...
     
  4. rmuramka

    rmuramka Gold IL'ite

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    kvinde.....
    I can sooo totally relate to the mental ups and downs you are going through. For me (and for most of us i hope)..life has always been very cool..normal..pleasant. I could never think of any day where i took life so seriously. Marriage also has been on pleasant transformation where I found my life's best friend in DH. God has been ever so generous with my life so far......till we started TTC.

    I never even imagined..i would face a speed breaker here...like everything happened in my life..I was almost soo certain......this will also happen..and like a fool..I also planned ...when it should happen (atleast not within 2 yrs of marriage).
    And NOW......i am face to face with the harsh reality of life..MALE FERTILITY ISSUES!! My dearest..he felt soooo bad after knowing this....he cried for a whole day...saying....if i had even a slightest clue of this..I wouldn't have married you. I spoiled all your plans. Irony of it,,,after all this..I am all the more in love with him. I have assured him that..we are in this together come what may!! I dont't know what possessed me......I have taken charge of our lives. My family in my hands!! Our fertility in my hands!!
    Future might look bleak....both side of the parents do not know of our ordeal (which is how we decided to keep it)..so its just US in this struggle..I for him ..he for Me.
    But..I have started PRAYING!! Praying a LOT!! It gives an immense sense of inner strength. God has never been harsh on us..and I am confident that he isn' t going to be this time also. He just wants us to know the value..of having and not having anything!!
    And most importantly..as there was a post some days back..I BELIEVE that one day I'll hold MY baby in my hands. Me and DH DESERVE it every bit. in near future..or a loong time later...BUT WE wILL!! thats my confidence..on GOD and my DESTINY!!

    I just need you to hang in there......vent out here as much as you wish to..meaningful or pointless..coz we very much know what it means:exactly:..
    and dont give up too soon....Life changes when you leas expect it!!

    Loads of hugs and good wishes.....
    Shilpa
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2014
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  5. kvinde

    kvinde Senior IL'ite

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    DKI, Many thanks for empathising with me. I'm truly sorry to hear that you had to experience miscarriages...it's worse than what I'm experiencing. And I can understand that the scar is for life but I'm glad that nature justified you!!!

    For the time being, I have literally left everything to the god. Let nature takes it's own course. End of the month, I have an appointment with the doctor and I know it for sure that the procedure will kick start in a year (as I recently relocated to a new country and I'm still in the process of getting my papers rightly and without proper papers, the docs will not star the treatment). So this is going to be the last time, we gonna try or else we will go for adoption. I had a heart to heart chat with my DH the other day. It was he who came up with this suggestion. So that was like an icing on the cake.

    I'm gradually shutting the doors for the people who are mean to me after reading some of the suggestions here. And I must admit that I'm feeling good. Hope I become untouchable soon!

    Another thing that is dampening my spirit is the mood swings. I dunno how to get rid of it. Any suggestions for that? Will truly appreciate it. In the last few weeks, I broke down several times....

     
  6. kvinde

    kvinde Senior IL'ite

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    Wow...reading about your ordeal simply welled up my eyes :oops:
    I truly hope that your wishes comes true. Sometimes I hate God for making good people to undergo **** in life. I have seen people who rarely care about their babies...yet they are blessed. In fact many of the couples had kids out of obligations for the society. And when it cones to parenting they are highly illiterate..yet god blesses them with beautiful and healthy babies. And people like you and me who can be best mothers are simply denied of this pure pleasure. I have a relative who became pregnant just two months after the marriage and the logic is that both husband and wife will get the US citizenship if the baby is born in the US. Look at reasons!!! They want baby so that they can get a US passport not because they want baby...not because they want to become parents, not because their life will come to full circle...not because they want to re-live their childhood. But God is more kind to such people. I'm not wishing ill for people...just making some observations.

    On the third year of my marriage, my best friend became pregnant out of wedlock. She and her boyfriend were not keen of their formalising their relationship. So they opted for abortion. She wanted me to be on her side during the procedure. I was more than happy to help out my friend in distress. I was stupid enough to encourage her to kill her unborn child. When I told this to my husband who was in the other city then, warned me of not getting involved. He said don't be part of the infanticide because it'll come back to us as we were planning to TTC the very next year. The words are still ringing in my ears and I'm positive that this is one of the major reasons why I'm suffering from infertility. I realised my folly but it was too late. Of course I left my friend in mid-way and returned home immediately. She wasn't alone in this there were few more friends who were by her side. Since then I'm not in touch with her. I'm repaying for the sin that I have committed!!!

    You have rightly said that life was never this tough before. Had a carefree childhood, a rebellious adolescence and youth. I was never ever cowed down before. Never ever bothered about anything. My mind was over flowing with self confidence...As you again rightly said that the marriage was a beautiful transformation. It boosted my morale further until TTC. Of course my DH continues to be my pillar of strength. And like your DH, I feel guilty for denying my husband of the pleasure of a father (and of course to myself). Even we haven't shared our problems with our respective families. My husband exactly believes in what you said. It's I for him and He for me. Involving this people will make this already agonising situation further murky. People have already started popping all sorts of questions. And we reply them with a smile...although I get deeply hurt with each passion questions. But that's it is. I'm trying to ignore them by rarely talking to them.

    I don't have any other option but to hang in here and wait for the miracle to happen...

     
  7. 28neha

    28neha Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi!

    I too sail in the same boat..i don't have any prblm..only prblm with my hubby sperm count.3IUI failed..than my mom gave some Ayurveda power which i need to take first 3 days of my Period with some diet plan..those 3 day will be very horrible.lot of pain in taking that med..but still i took and conceived but end up with miscarriage.with this hope next alternate month i took it didnt work.lots of my relatives conceived from this med but its my bad luck ..so finally decided to give last try which also end up with no hope.. now we r planning to consult Ayurveda doc but we don't know any one here..so if anyone tried than plz help us i will be very thankful to you..i feel very stress..i always try to keep myself busy in office and home but still am not able to avoid this stress...
     
  8. ashi2005

    ashi2005 New IL'ite

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    Hey Kvinde,

    Don't get frustrated or lose hope. Just keep moving forward and things will happen. I know its feels like the whole universe is against us conspiring against our goal to have a baby but always have trust and faith in yourself that you are going to have a baby and it will happen soon.

    I and my husband have been trying for the past 2 years and have done numerous IUI and IVF cycles and are still working towards the goal of having our baby.

    I just had a miscarriage three days ago after my IVF cycle and was totally devastated but what i have learnt is getting frustrated,anxious just leads to stress which inturn affects us

    I am just going to move forward with a positive frame of mind and work towards the best of my capabilities to have a baby and you should also never lose hope on this journey.

    Take Care and loads of baby dust to you in your journey.

    Ashi
     
  9. kvinde

    kvinde Senior IL'ite

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    Hello Ashi,

    I'm truly sorry at your loss and I really don't know what to say. People like you actually give me strength to move on in life. And many thanks for sharing your pain. It's motivating!

    A few months ago I was in complete dark. Didn't know how to get out of it. But then there was this incident happened where I feel highly blessed. One of my relatives was searching for a bride and they were almost serious but when he met her, she revealed him that she can never become pregnant. She never menstruated in her life. That's when it hit me on my head that God has actually been kind to me. Atleast I have a hope of becoming pregnant but girls like her have to live with such a bitter truth apart from the stigma and pain. For girls like her getting a husband who will accept her the way she is has become a gigantic issue.

    God has been kind enough to me for giving me a wonderful life partner, who doesn't care whether I conceive or not. We have decided that whether we conceive or not, we'll adopt a baby. So we are going to start the process next year. So we are just waiting to see which happens first.

    And yes you are right. No point in pondering or whining over our problems. It'll not solve. The only way out is acceptance. Comparing our lives with the lives of those who are blessed on time will lead only to misery and jealous. There are indeed several underprivileged people in this world.

    Do I feel bad now that women younger than me getting pregnant? The answer yes. I would not lie. But the intensity has declined completely. It has become a momentary thing now. When I hear such news I feel bit bad and then I leave it there. Life is beyond that. Something I trying to accept. I recently joined a swimming class and I must say it's calming me down. Rest I have left it to God - the one who have fulfilled the smallest of my needs and wishes will he not wish this important wish of mine. Yes, he will. So what if he takes his own time? :))

    Here is a lot of baby dust on you. Truly wishing you that you become a mother of a healthy bonny baby soon :)
     
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  10. RamyaHari2009

    RamyaHari2009 Silver IL'ite

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    I agree with you....

    its really really really frustrating phase in my life now :hide:
     

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