Later pregnancy

Hi friends,

I got married recently in sep. Everybody has started asking long back anything special??!! As they always ask in villages. But myself and my husband have decided to have child after 3 or 4 months. But before that I hear so many problems between couples now in conceiving. I really get scared on that. Everybody has some problems, since they had postponed pregnancy may be 1 year or 2 years. Why is it so? Is that really a problem conceiving later?? I believe most Indian women face these problems!!

From childhood if I see somebody carrying I get tensed somewhat.. I don’t know why!! Now hearing all these problems I get even more scared.. I have sinus and migrane now. taking tablets for it. Can anyone advice me on this? I am confused.

Sindhu

Hi Sindhu,
How old are you and your DH? Infertility chances increase after the age of 35. If you both are otherwise healthy and your periods are regular then you are unlikely to have fertility problems just because you wait a year before trying for a baby. It also depends on what contraception you plan on using until then. (Oral pills can have an effect for upto 6 mnths after you stop them). Dont worry about what people say or ask. Now they will ask abt a baby, after the baby there will be endless advice on child-rearing, then why not a 2nd baby etc. It NEVER stops. Talk to your DH and take decisions based on what is right for the 2 of you. I postponed having a baby for 4 yrs after marriage and conceived within 3 mnths of starting to try for one, so dont get tense. Good luck!

Vanathi.

PS - Migraine /sinus have no bearing on fertility.

I will advice you to go and see docter before decideing on the method of contraception you want. I did that. Dont listen the people. Its their work to ask these type of questions. Listen to your heart. See when both of you are ready to take this responcibility then only you can enjoy it.
take care
Vatsala

Hi vanathi,

Thanks for your reply. I feel better on hearing you. I am 28 yrs old now and get my periods monthly regularly. I have a great husband. Ours is a love marriage. He thinks if we use any contraception or if i start taking any pills, it may affect my health. So, he says we will not have relationship?? till we both decide to have a child..

But why do I get nervous on seeing pregnant ladies? should i refer to any gynaecologist regarding this? Is it good to have medication before trying to conceive. Pls suggest me..

sindhu

Originally Posted by Aadhusmom

Hi Sindhu,
How old are you and your DH? Infertility chances increase after the age of 35. If you both are otherwise healthy and your periods are regular then you are unlikely to have fertility problems just because you wait a year before trying for a baby. It also depends on what contraception you plan on using until then. (Oral pills can have an effect for upto 6 mnths after you stop them). Dont worry about what people say or ask. Now they will ask abt a baby, after the baby there will be endless advice on child-rearing, then why not a 2nd baby etc. It NEVER stops. Talk to your DH and take decisions based on what is right for the 2 of you. I postponed having a baby for 4 yrs after marriage and conceived within 3 mnths of starting to try for one, so dont get tense. Good luck!

Vanathi.

PS - Migraine /sinus have no bearing on fertility.

Dear Sindhu,
Since you are only 28 you can afford to wait for a year or so, but try not to push having a baby to beyond that. Please dont get offended, but I doubt if abstinence is a good solution to your situation. The first year of married life is the time for both of you to develop a bond and abstaining is not going to help. Instead I would suggest visiting a gynec and discussing the methods available and your doubts regarding each and then selecting whatever suits you best. (The oral pill does not spoil your health, but if you are against medication then condoms are a good alternative).
Regarding your nervousness on seeing pregnant women maybe you can think or talk to a friend abt why you feel so. A gynec wont be of much help for this. The only thing you need to start before trying to conceive is folic acid. It is a vitamin which helps to prevent spine/nervous system disorders in the baby and should be started 3 - 4 mnths BEFORE starting to try for a baby.
Dont worry. It will go well for you both!

Vanathi.

Hi Sindhu,

You have just gotten married. Spend a couple of years enriching your marital bond and enjoying your married life (and I agree with Aadhusmom that abstinence is not going to help).

If anybody pressurizes you about having a baby, then tell them that you will tell them when you are ready and not before. Or that they will be the first to know whenever you decide. Basically you need to deflect those kind of annoying questions. My MIL told me (rather ordered me) the 3rd day of my marriage that I should have a baby within 9 months otherwise it means that I have a medical problem! I think it is a common problem in the desi community. Every aunt, cousin, in-law feels its their duty to probe and order you to have a baby...!!

You need to be a little strong in replying to them, otherwise they'll keep bugging you and you will keep getting bugged. After 2 years of nagging, I told my MIL and sundry other relatives who kept on calling me and telling me to have a baby, that it was me who would be taking care of the baby night and day so I will decide when I'm ready for it. And right now, I'm NOT ready.

Having a baby is a big responsibility - emotionally and physically. It is not like buying aloo palak...so do it when YOU feel ready.

Coming back to the contraception part, I would suggest that if you don't want to take pills, go for condoms. They work for mostly everybody, so why shouldn't they work for your hubby and you?? If your hubby doesn't agree then drag him to your ob/gyn to explain some facts of life to him.

I had a baby after 4-5 years and I'm soo glad I waited..I enjoyed my married life, traveled a lot, had a lot of fun and now I'm enjoying my status as a mother. And don't believe all yr relatives who say that waiting makes your fertility go down. If you are otherwise healthy, you should be perfectly fine. I conceived with 2 months of trying. I know many of my friends who also waited several years and then conceived within a few months of trying.

So do not believe in any old wives tale just because elders are saying that. Check with your doctor and ask any questions or fears that you have.

Love,
Aarushi

Dear Sindhu

Agree with Vanathi...what matters here the most is your age.You are 28 now.But that does not mean you have to rush.You are just married.Eventhough it is a love marriage,you will still need some time to get to know your husband completely and he too needs some time to nurture this relationship.You are now planning to wait for another 4 months,you can afford to wait even for a yr . After that plan your pregnancy.Fertility does decrease with age and the complications with later pregnancy (above the age of 30)are always greater. Although many have non-complicated pregnancies at later ages,there are a sizeable number of women who face fertility issues because of this.We can see it from this forum itself.

Don't worry about getting pregnant and going thru' the pregnancy..almost all women have these fears..yet we go thru' it and come out successful. Don't think about it so much in advance..when it happens,you will have the confidence to handle it