Navarathri reminiscences

The erudite philosopher Spinoza compares our journey through life to that of a little bird that flies through a well lit room from the vast darkness outside and back into the darkness again. We are all at various stages of that flight through the well lit room. My mother who is at her 96th year has crossed a wonderful evening of her life and is at the twilight zone and fully prepared for her eventual flight into that mysterious darkness beyond. Whenever she is in a contemplative mood, she always says ‘Why should I fear what is beyond merely because it is unknown? For all I know, it can be as interesting as what I am going through here. If the conditions are bad there, why do highly evolved souls pray for their liberation from the cycle of birth and death so that they can permanently sojourn there?’ Inside that shriveled little frame of hers, she houses an attitude that often floors me with awe.

You’ll be surprised to hear that despite having such a philosophical bent of mind, she still feels anguished about one unfulfilled desire of hers. It is that she doesn’t have a daughter. When she conceived me, as my grandma revealed to me later on, seven years after my brother was born, she prayed to all the 33 crore gods to bless her with a daughter. Either they did not hear her properly or they had more pressing appeals on their hands, her wish was not granted and cheeniya was born! My mum was shattered but soon reconciled herself but how! For the first seven years of my life, she literally brought me up like a daughter. She would address me in such endearing words which were usually reserved for girls those days. She even dressed me up like a girl and I still remember the red clover I used to wear in my ears. Having seen me balding, you would not believe me if I told you that as a young lad, I had long thick hair. My mother used to do my hair in as many fanciful ways as her innovativeness permitted.

Today is the first day of Navarathri and my mind travels back by over six decades. We were then living in a small colony of ten families in Triplicane in Chennai. My mother and her sister used to put up a huge Kolu with hundreds of dolls. The entire house would be decorated with paper festoons of all hues. In front of the Kolu, we used to create something like a park where there would be temples, tank, bullock carts, cars and a small hill covered by sprouts of mustard and coriander to represent some densely wooded mountain! In retrospect, I consider them as more representative of a man who had not shaved for ages! There would be a railway track too made up of painted match sticks without trains of course but then trains were rare those days in up country places! There would be invariably a chettiar with a generous tummy selling assorted goods.

It was always my job to visit the neighbours everyday and invite them to our house. My mother would dress me up differently everyday. I would be Krishna with a single peacock feather tucked in my hair one day, Adi Sankara in a saffron dhoti next day, Andal on the following day, Gandhi and so on! Being predominantly a middleclass colony where the general skin colour would be dark tan, I was naturally the cynosure of all eyes with my fair skin and chubby cheeks! I would be loaded with the goodies at every house and when I reached home every day after inviting them all, I would have enough to feed a family of four for the night! I should say that I enjoyed all this attention though it made my brother a bit uncomfortable. By the time I was 7, my brother gave a piece of his mind to my mother about the need to drill it into my head that I was not a girl but a boy! My poor mother had to give up her dream of bringing me up like a girl and reconcile herself to the fact that she could never be a mother of a daughter. I know that she is hurt by the unfairness of a daughter being denied to her even to this day!

I must tell you that the initial upbringing as a daughter had certainly molded my character a lot. I always feel that a person, man or woman, will be a well rounded personality only if he or she had a bit of the attributes of the opposite sex. I don’t mean physically but in their general disposition. Imagine Adolph Hitler with his ruthless leadership qualities with a dash of the extreme compassion of Mother Teresa! He would have been the most unforgettable leader the world had ever known! A man is known to be driven more by his head and the woman more by her heart. Won’t a judicious combination of both be a winner all the way?

Dear Sri,
Frankly speaking, you are incorrigible!!
A 'leading man' in a 'leading ladies' forum' to write about Navarathri reminescences! You put us all to shame!

But it is such a classy piece, Sri! You brought in front of my eyes, such incidents which were the 'done thing' in 50's when we were kids!
You have written only 2,3 days' 'robes'. Amma once said that one particular year, when she dressed you up as kutti Krishna, you demanded that krishna must have a Radha holding his hands as per a calendar photo in your house. So, she had to literally plead with one of your neighbours, to 'spare' their little daughter to be dressed as Radha.It seems, that girl was dark & you were pink & everybody was commenting that the complexions of Radha & Krishna were reversed!!
Well, those were the days!!

But, both you & I have daughters & so we cannot deny that in spite of your taking such good care of her, amma has missed out on the affection of a daughter which is a unique gift for a parent.
I personally feel, a daughter is a real blessing from God.

Perhaps, the following was originally said for the sake of rhyme:
A daughter is a daughter all through her life,
A son is a son till he gets a wife!

I am a wife & you have a wife - we both cannot but vouchsafe for the truth in that statement!
Happy navarathri musings!!
Love,
Chithra.

Dear Chithra
When you mentioned 'a leading man' I thought for a moment that you were referring to yourself! I remember how the people used to refer to Indra Gandhi as the only male in the Cabinet. Your functional skills, the way you go about discharging your Moderator's functions, your take on Religious matters, well, all these have certainly a touch of male in them and if you were not doling out all those recipes, every one would be thinking you are a male! Honestly I can never match your role in IL.

That reference to Radha opens up further memories in me! You mention an ancient incident as if it happened yesterday.You are like a good archeologist who can conjure up a romantic version of the past with a few stones here and some ancient scribblings there! I must say that there were a good number of Radhas in the colony who would accompany me even if I was dressed up as Adi Sankara!

Have you noticed one thing? This deification of daughters happens only in middle class families and above. People below poverty line continue to consider daughters as a burden and their extreme poverty force them to commit even female infanticide. Even love of a daughter is sought by the parents only when it is affordable. If the parents are well-heeled, a daughter is the best thing that can happen.

In the evening of my life, my daughters are extremely indulgent to me and they dote on me as if I am the ultimate Dad! We never felt the absence of a son.
Sri

Dear Cheeniya Sir,
Vow! What a start from philosophy to your mother's view about death ,her unfulfilled desire and then the Navarathri with your usual sense of humour and also thought provoking end!
I enjoyed your blog thoroughly after a long time.
Love,
Malathi

Dear Malathi
I enjoyed your blog thoroughly after a long time.
Did my earlier threads fail to entertain you for a long time or did you mean you were visiting my forum after a long time? In any case, both are bad. If I failed to entertain you, it is bad enough but if I had kept you away from my forum for a long time, it is much worse!

I am happy that you find this enjoyable. That shows we are back in business!
Love
Sri

Dear Cheeniya Sir,
It is just that I am visiting IL after a lo.......ng time! How can I be visiting IL and not reading your blog??? I have to go through your old ones which I have missed. I havw just managed to read 3 blogs during the recent visits, one is Sridhar's, anothe is yours and that of my mom.Hope to spend more time around here so as to enjoy more such blogs of Devika, Shanthi, Chithvish, Kamalji etc.
Love,
Malathi

Originally Posted by Cheeniya

Dear Malathi
I enjoyed your blog thoroughly after a long time.
Did my earlier threads fail to entertain you for a long time or did you mean you were visiting my forum after a long time? In any case, both are bad. If I failed to entertain you, it is bad enough but if I had kept you away from my forum for a long time, it is much worse!

I am happy that you find this enjoyable. That shows we are back in business!
Love
Sri

Dear Cheeniya Sir

A wonderful blog. I can understand your mother's feelings. Those who long for daughters get sons and those who long for sons get daughters. In olden days those who dont have daughters always used to dress up their son as a daughter till the age of 5 years.

I am lucky that I God blessed me with two daughters and one son. My namaskarams to your mother. Though I dont have time now a days but still I dont like to miss reading your blog as in every blog of yours there is something to be learnt.

I think in this present world everyone prefers to have a daughter.
You have correctly said that the poor people think that girl isa burden. I am happy that my daughters adopted a girl child . Either we are lucky tohave them in our house or they are lucky to come to our house. Its all God's decision and everything in His hands

A thought provoking post during navrathri.

Regards
viji

Dear Viji
It is a fact that every mother aspires for a daughter. While a son is expected to safeguard the family legacy and keep it safe for the future generation, a daughter is sought to open up one's heart, to love and be loved. Even Gandhari had a solitary daughter amidst her 100 sons. Dusshala was her name who was totally different from her brothers. She was loved equally by both the Kauravas and the Pandavas. Dusshala was the one who pleaded with Arjuna for everlasting peace between the two families. She was mainly instrumental if peace reigned supreme ultimately.

Daughters continue to play Good Samaritan in troubled families even today. Daughters indeed are priceless assets! Your daughters have acted most sensibly in adopting girls. Kudos to them really!
Sri

Dear Cheeniya,
At the outset our pranams to your mother and we seek her blessings.She is right-we pray to be free from birth and death which means space up there must be a better place.Your article brought nostalgic memories of our childhood.My brother[he is no more]and I were in great demand as we had good voice and had managed to master a few kirthanas.We collected enough sundal during those nine days.Our unquestioned reign was challenged when a sister was born and she started singing.Navrathri is a wonderful period when women are in their splendour and seeds for match making are sown.
There is a woman in every man and vice versa even though it is said that men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.Of course I had my encounters with a few women from Mars.Hitler- Mother Teresa combination idea is quite appealing.
Happy Navrathri and regards
LAKSHIMINARAYANAN

Dear LN
Every time you step in to offer your FB to my Ramblings, I deem it a great honour. You are a respected writer here and your views are always read with a lot of interest.

Honestly, Navrathri was a kind of unisex festival for children up to 10 years in our days but today's young boys have no interest in it. Modern boys develop a taste for exclusively boyish games right from birth. Diwali is their forte. That's perhaps the generation gap!
"Our unquestioned reign was challenged when a sister was born"
What a wonderful way to have one's reign challenged! I now feel the absence of a sister even more!

Ardhanareeswara is typically symbolic of how good it is to have a judicious mixture of masculine and feminine qualities in us. May He bless us all!
Sri