Barking dogs seldom talk!

A Fussy Dog

This morning I was fumbling with my car keys as usual when I suddenly heard a voice telling me, ‘I have no idea if you are consistent in anything else but in the matter of fumbling with your car key, you are most consistent’ I veered around to see who addressed me thus but was startled to find no one at sight. Only Blackie, the in-house stray dog of our apartments, was there observing me with bored eyes. I would have dismissed it as the voice of my conscience but for its guttural nature. I became a little nervous at this new phenomenon of hearing voices, a malady that normally attacked people when they crossed eighty. ‘Have I become seventy eight years too soon?’ I wondered. In such a startled frame of mind, I fumbled with my car key some more.

‘I don’t think you are going to be able to open the door of your car today. Just abandon the idea and instead take an auto rickshaw to wherever you want to go. Or have you forgotten that too?’ said the guttural voice again. Turning around for a second time, I saw that it was Blackie talking to me. The most incredulous phenomenon of a dog talking in a human lingo totally escaped my notice as my pride was deeply hurt by such a derogatory remark about me. The need to settle this issue took precedence over enquiring into how a dog could speak like a human. ‘The dogs can talk all they want but they have no business to ridicule others’ was my immediate reaction. So I addressed Blackie in a stern voice thus. ‘Look buddy! You can’t talk to me in such a ridiculing manner. You seem to have forgotten that much of your hunger is appeased by food from my house daily’ ‘Hunger is damned right’ said Blackie, ‘I would not touch it otherwise with my left paw’. I was thankful that my wife was nowhere around to hear such a remark about her food from a prominent member of the canine community.

I rushed back home to convey the heated exchange between Blackie and me to my daughter. ‘Blackie?’ she asked in a quivering voice. She became quite concerned with my health instantly and suggested that I met my Doctor immediately. It was only then it dawned on me that it was not normal for a man to be having exchanges with a dog, heated or otherwise! My daughter probably thought that it was the onset of Alzheimer’s and started phoning up the family medico, a specialist who knew everything about nothing! I was irritated by all the fuss that she was making and felt that the only way to counter it was to summon Blackie to my house and ask him to speak.

I rushed down to request Blackie to come home and demonstrate his newly acquired skill to my daughter. Blackie politely refused saying that he would talk only with me considering that we operated at the same wave length. He pleaded with me not to insist on his talking to my daughter and thus make him feel like a performing monkey! At that moment, my daughter arrived there wanting to ascertain if Blackie possessed any human skills. ‘Can you talk like us Blackie?’ she asked him and all that she got back in reply was some fifteen minutes of non-stop barking! I felt terribly let down by Blackie but drew consolation from the fact that ‘Dogs will be dogs’!

I know that you will all be wondering what has happened to ‘TVS Sir’. Some of you may even feel concerned about my health simply because I told you a story of a dog speaking to me. But leave that aside for a moment. Don’t you all agree that it will be a damned nuisance if dogs, cats and other domesticated animals started talking like humans? Forget for a moment that they can be extremely critical of us and express it in the most contemptuous way too. What is most fearsome is that they can become privy to a lot of our secrets because when we expose the workings of the darker side of our minds to like-minded people, we do not bother about their presence knowing that they cannot utter a word about it. But take it from me, if they suddenly start talking like humans, they can embarrass us no end.

That’s what happens when the dog Whiskey starts talking in James Hadley Chase’s novel ‘Miss Shumway waves a wand’. A more classic example is that of the eloquent cat Tobermory in The Chronicles of Clovis, a beautiful collection of short stories by Saki (H H Munroe) I’ll give an example of the cat’s eloquence. When the cat becomes explosively candid about the goings on in the house, someone tries to shift the conversation by asking Tobermory about the status of his affair with the pussycat next door, ‘One does not usually discuss these matters in public," responds Tobermory frigidly. "From a slight observation of your ways since you've been in this house I should imagine you'd find it inconvenient if I were to shift the conversation on to your own little affairs”! This cat becomes such a menace due to his intemperate observations about the goings on in the elite circle that every one heaves a sigh of relief when it meets its nemesis in the hands of a local terrier!

Most of us have the ‘Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde’ syndrome in us in varying degrees and the switch from one to the other is always shrouded in secrecy. But when all the living beings start talking the same lingo, there will be greater transparency in our dealings and there will be nomore any ‘hidden self’. You will recall that in the first two yugas even birds and animals could freely converse with humans and morality was at its highest level evel!

 

Re: Beware of dogs, the talking ones especially!

My dear Mol
It is a great honour to receive the first FB from a celebrated writer of the community. A big thank you for it!

A small correction. Blackie thinks that our wavelengths do match and that's why he confines all his talking to me only. Have you seen the movie Dr.Dolittle starring the inimitable Rex Harrison? He can talk and understand the language of even snails! A latter version starring Eddy Murphy came recently but he was no patch on Rex Harrison. Our ancient Rishis had the ability to understand the language of every living things including the plants. Shakunthala chatted with her plants every day!

Dogs talk through their eyes and how can any one not understand it?
Sri

 

Re: Beware of dogs, the talking ones especially!

Dear Chithra
Thank you for your concern about my well being. At least Blackie thinks I am fit as a fiddle both physically and mentally! It is my considered opinion that consistency is good no matter where. The problem arises only when I am forgetful on one occasion and unforgetful on another.

That is why I advocate not to have any secrets. Secrets are unsolicited and unwanted luggage that occupy a lot of space in our heart. No secrecy is the ideal recipe for no worry.
Day has to be followed by night. We have to live with it for there is no escape from this routine!
Sri

 

Re: Beware of dogs, the talking ones especially!

Dear Jaya
Leave alone their character and their tendency to be more faithful. They are absolutely delightful conversationalists. I have observed it when they give a bit of their mind whenever a gypsy with a bag of nondescript goodies pass their way. It is amazing how they bring so much love in their voice when they sight someone close to them! I am a close friend of Kamal only because he is a dog lover! And if I get a chance to write a book on how to have good relationship with dogs, I'll be lucky.

Now that is a great idea. Frog-croaking! The Frog Prince is my all time favourite fairy tale. Right now I am ready to write nothing about nothing but will endeavour to write something out of nothing soon! Thanks for your reassurance about my mental alertness. I guess Alzheimer must look at some other tree to bark at!
Sri