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The etiquette breakers!

Discussion in 'Cheeniya's Senile Ramblings' started by Cheeniya, Apr 4, 2009.

  1. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I read our Forum Etiquette almost everyday with the same fervour as a devout Christian would have when he reads the Bible. It is not because I want to be sure about what is the right thing to do in any given situation. I read it meticulously because I want to be sure about what not to do. This etiquette is a strange thing. You may be complying with it all your life and no one notices you but you keep breaking it now and then and you stick out like a sore thumb! Strangely the people who fall in line with etiquettes may not even be aware of it but the rebels revel in the discomfiture they cause to others by their hostile attitude towards it. What is etiquette by the way? The best definition of it comes from Will Cuppy. According to him etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely necessary. I consider it a clever definition because etiquette is like liquor. You feel fine when you are within limits and once you cross it, you are bound to make an ass of yourself. Excessive etiquette can alienate us from the crowd. But it is not my intention to deliver a lecture on etiquette now. I go by Will Cuppy’s definition and make sure that my behaviour is always a shade better than absolutely necessary!

    I started off telling you why I read Forum Etiquette everyday. It is my firm belief in life that what is important is not knowing the right things to do but knowing the wrong things to avoid. What Moses received from God at Mount Sinai was a set of Don’ts because God knew that man would find it easier following the don’ts than the do’s! All of us would have heard the saying ‘While in Rome do as Romans do’ but what it really implies is that while in Rome we are not to do what Romans themselves won’t do. People who travel to the Middle East quite often will know the significance of what I say only too well! People who travel to Singapore may or may not need to know where to look for the latest vegetable slicers and what have you at the cheapest price but they should certainly know things like rubbing off the excess ‘Sunnambu’ (lime or calcium oxide) on the nearby wall will set them back by S$100 if a Policeman happens to be around!

    My dear dad like many of his generation was quite adept in making inappropriate statements in functions and gatherings. My mum would say that the presence of people around him listening to every word he spoke always had the same effect as honey on a fox! Sometimes his words quoted out of context had the same destructive effect as those of Queen Mary Antoinette had on the masses when she said ‘If they don’t have bread, let them eat cake’! I have seen a number of emissaries being sent to all the connected people to explain that my dad’s words were uttered quite innocently and not with any malice. To obviate any such needs, my mum would conduct week long classes for my dad in order that he might not put his foot again in his mouth in the next gathering but what can you do with a man who always went berserk at the sight of people! But I must say this about him that he was so innocent and straight that he simply lacked the knack of soaking his words in honey before uttering them.

    That brings me back to the people who find it difficult to comply with the demand of society in the name etiquette and manners. The greatest problem with them is that we can never make them realise that they are on the erring side. That is the biggest irony of life. Those who err usually come up with such impeccable arguments to justify their actions that others will not know what to say. It is like Lord Krishna explaining away His pranks to His angry mother in such a way that she invariably went back singing His praise even more!

    The modern life and its pressures have taught people to be very measured in their utterances. We hardly notice any faux pas in their actions. I may signify the end of that generation who invariably put their foot in their mouths like Lord Krishna floating astride a Banyan Leaf! But I really wonder if I should feel happy about such clinically perfect demeanour. What will be life without some inconsistent people amongst us? I only hope that my grand children may not have to share this planet with robos instead of human.
     
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  2. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sri,
    Your post is so enjoyable that I am taking the privilege of sending you the first FB!
    In IL, I think the phrase "forum Guidelines" is cloaked in stylish words & called Forum Etiquette! All said and done, we women are the torch bearers of etiquette - you have given your mom as an example, rightly!
    We imagine the word etiquette means "prim n proper". It is and is not as well.I think in its most basic meaning, it implies following the basic courtesy in words followed by action.
    Burping in the company of others is not etiquette. But there are some who think that it shows the generosity of the hosts. You once wrote about yawning, remember?? They all come under the same category!!
    But your reading the FE only shows that you are only too eager not to slip and get caught!! May your tribe increase.
    Do not rule out a second FB from me!!
    Love,
    Chithra.
     
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  3. AbhiSing

    AbhiSing Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Cheeniya Sir,

    This one was really an irresistable rambling from you that I popped in to give my FB, the first of mine to you in your subforum!

    Enjoyed your shots of wisdom while:rotfl.

    And since you mentioned the on and off etiquette breakers...I am one. During my first year of college...I hardly missed my lectures and never missed any class test. Then I skipped a class test for coming home to Sivarathiri...I was caught. The professor never forgot it and in that paper I got very low internal marksDrowning. But from the second year I got smarter and mingled with the crowd in skipping lectures..not to mention the tests...and I was not caught after that .Hahaha! I teach my son now...not to be a hardworking student but a smart student:thumbsup

    Since you mentioned the fines of Singapore, This happens to one or other, one off etiquette breakers always. There is a S$25 spot fine rule for those jay walkers. But in Little India no one cares about it and we always cross the roads as and when we like, not bothering the traffic signals. On a busy weekend, a friend of mine was spot fined for crossing the road on red signal, while crowds were crossing the roads as they like, 10 feet away from her. She is the most disciplined etiquette follower among the lot. Nowadays she doesnt even cross the road when the green starts flickeringBig Laugh

    And in the MRT there is S$300/500 fine for food and drinks..but everyday seeing so many young commuters consuming food with a who cares attitude. And many times I have noticed the MRT staffs telling them politely about the fine and put the food inside. Some pretend to put inside and as soon as the staff goes away resume eating. Last week I saw a teenager fined for taking a sip from his bottle of ice lemon tea.Drowning The lesson I learnt is: look around before you drink:thumbsup

    Enjoyed your snippet and thank you Sir!
     
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  4. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Chithra
    I thought you always followed the etiquette of never replying first to anyone but this is a surprise departure from your sacredly held principle. When I joined IL , I found you to be the be all and end all of all etiquette issues in this community and I used to feel scared of you. But I guess that you have 'loosened' your etiquette grip a bit these days probably being unable to cope up with the sheer volume. You may possibly need a bottle of castor oil in your eyes today when just a drop would have sufficed a year back.

    You are quite right when you say that women are the torch bearers of etiquette. During my young days, we lived in a colony of ten families in Triplicane where all the women had a uniform opinion about their husbands that ' indha manashunukku enge enna pesaradunne teriyadhu!' (This man doesn't know where to speak what!) Saying this repeatedly gave them
    a formidable look. Men vainly called themselves heads of families though the women were the 'de facto' heads! Many men lost their speech in the course of time because of this apparent inability to talk the way their wives wanted and eventually became 'Mouna saamiyars'!
    Sri
     
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  5. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear AbhiSing
    Gotcha! You know what? When Chitvish returned from Singapore and told me all about her meetings with you there, I told her that no matter what I rambled about, you never bothered to step in! I further told her that the acid test for my ramblings would be to make you visit my forum! That has now happened! From now on , I can walk in front of her proudly! A big welcome to you!

    Skipping classes and explaining it away in a very convincing way is an expertise not many could master. Teachers know the 'catchable' from a mile away. They are like the experienced Traffic constable of Chennai who knows whom to catch for his daily 'batta'. My group in Presidency College was the most experienced 'class dodgers' People from all over the college used to come to us for expert advice!

    You surprise me by saying that it is possible to hoodwink the custodians of law even in Singapore. I can visualise your friend's allergy to crossing the roads until it is at least a minute after green. It is one thing getting punished for not obeying the law but it is totally another thing when you get punished while a hundred law breakers go scotfree just a hundred feet away from you! My heart bleeds for your friend.

    But honestly, after reading your FB, I have started liking Sg with most of my fears getting wiped out by your reassuring examples. Chitvish made me believe that Singapore was not a city for bohemians like me!
    Sri
     
  6. AbhiSing

    AbhiSing Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Sri Sir,

    Oh My God ! I never imagined that I was in your discussion and I am honoured. But as I told Chitvish, I read your simple ramblings with attractive and misleading Titles like the Angry Outburst ..., AiswaryaRai etc. But by the time I think of giving a FB, someone would have given the FB with similar thoughts/insights...and I get a cold feet and refrain from repeating the same reply but in different words. And I think the best way is to read as soon as you post and just send in my FB ASAP. So you can always walk proudly..no doubt.:) Thank you for the warm welcome Sir.

    The picture projected about Singapore and laws/fines is too good. But the reality is how the residents abide by the rules. And as the population swells with other nationals/foreign talents, even though all are under camera surveillance in all the public places including buses, trains, except restroomsDrowning, it is too difficult to nab the law breakers all the time.
    And youngsters...nothing to say about them. I am sometimes furious and could not find ways to explain to my son questioning me, "Ma, why they eat in MRT sitting under the poster announcing the fine", or "Ma, why the boy and girl hug and kiss in the train?(there is a fine for acts of intimacy in public under the law here)"bonk.
    Most of the people do not bother to give their seat to a pregnant lady except Indians...while there are priority seats allocated to the needy ones (Preg women/elders/kids) which would be occupied by the fittest and pretending to be asleep when the needy ones board the trainRant.
    Chewing gums is prohibited here but more than twice my son has come from school with chewed gum sticking in his shoes/trousers.
    Most of the restrooms in malls needs to be cleaned everyhour because many of them purposely "forget" to flush the toilet(in fear of catching any infection if they touch the flush button) this offence carries a fine of S$200
    I had neighbours/residents passing urine/spitting/vomitting/smoking inside the lifts (can be fined upto S$500, if caught). I once caught a middle aged neighbour clearing her throat and spitting right on my door step:spin. The law makers now are installing smoke and urine detectors alarm inside the lifts. and now the residential lifts too have cameras.

    But visitors and new residents and NRIs do follow the rules most of the times...I think only because of the fine. Not out of duty. If not why our airport is going to be like this.

    Oh! I am sorry I will go on and on, if you let me. (That is why I abstained from giving FB, you see.)

    And during my next visit will visit you for a lecture about smartly skipping classes. Will be helpful to give tips to my son.:bowdown

    Thank you Sir. And most welcome to Singapore...any time you like!
     
  7. dhivya rangarajan

    dhivya rangarajan Bronze IL'ite

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    So its etiquette this time, Cheeniya sir!

    I try my best to display the absolute necessary etiquette and mostly adapt my format to the place and circumstance I am in. But after coming here to the U.K, wah.. I would gladly honour the Brits with the Etiquette Epitome award!!

    Initial days of interaction here put me in sheer amazement, most of the time leaving me at loss of words, and my interactor rolling his/her eyes at my lack of etiquette. People here talk and reply not in words, but long sentences and sometimes, paragraphs.

    Guest: Hi I am Dhivya
    Host: (thinks) What an ass!

    Guest: Hello, may I please introduce myself, here? I am Dhivya.
    Host: Oh hello, its a pleasure to know you indeed!

    Now, you shd have known that Guest is, hehee me, and the HOst, of course, the Brit.

    Perfect strangers talk like this, imagine the long conversations one has to make abt weather and economy with the neighbour you bumped into. Because, withdrawing from a conversation first is RUDE!! So it goes on till there are long pauses, when there are absolutely nothing more to candidly chat about.

    And as far as the women being the torch bearers of E, I think I should agree. Men mess up a lot. In the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, there was a phrase I really liked:

    "The man calls himself the head of the family; never realises the woman is the neck!"

    Happens.... :)
     
  8. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear AbhiSing
    It has been quite a while since I visited Singapore last. In fact, I found it to be a pleasant city but the news that kept coming in newspapers about the city put a lot of fear in me. Of course, I am not likely to be hanged for possessing a few kgs of heroin or getting a few lashes with canes soaked in water for a week for overstaying my visa. Still such news items tend to unnerve the traveller. But after the old man Lee left the scene and the son has taken charge, law breakers are able to breath more freely I think!

    I have always imagined Singapore administration as the equivalent of the control exercised by the Big Brother in George Orwell's 1984! All those surveillance cameras have come to Chennai too but they also have round the clock Police vigil to ensure that the camera do not get stolen!

    If ever I visit Singapore as someone like Bill Gates, I'll create such a nuisance of myself and pay at least S$10000 a day as fine just for the heck of it!
    Sri
     
  9. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Dhivya
    Being an ardent fan of Wodehouse, I know what life can be with the Brits particularly the aristocracy as represented by the likes of Hildebrand Spencer Poyns de Burgh John Hanneyside Coombe-Crombie, 12th Earl of Dreever! I am always in endless admiration of the Brit's conversational English like 'To what do I owe the honour of your visit?'
    I loved your expression 'Etiquette Epitome'! Could it be an evidence of British effect rubbing on you?!

    It is alright for one to say that "The man calls himself the head of the family; never realises the woman is the neck" but honour beckons me to share with you the opinion of the majority of men. They want 'the woman is the neck ' to be amended as 'The woman is the mill stone around the neck!'
    Sri
     
  10. sundarusha

    sundarusha Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Cheeniya sir

    I enjoyed reading about proper etiquette and the breakers. It was a pleasure to read all the Fbs as well.

    While reading your about your dad, I was reminded about my friend's husband.
    Whenever they were at a social gathering, she would say that she had to monitor him like a child so that he didn't utter some words loosely. Later after returning home, he would ask her whether he behaved well at the gathering. And he was a noted surgeon, yet someone who couldn't cut all the excess words while speaking.

    Some people are like 'aLL KaNda samudram' as my mom used to say!
     

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