They steal for pleasure!

They steal for pleasure!

Most of the ardent fans of Kamal Hassan will agree with me that it is a greater joy to watch him in comedy roles than in heavy stuff. The one comedy of his, Michael Madana Kamarajan, is a film that his fans are never likely to get tired of watching again and again. He dons four different roles in the film and the inimitable Crazy Mohan who has written the dialogues for the film has exceeded all expectations. But honestly the comedy of Kamal is totally overshadowed by S.N.Lakshmi who acts as an old kleptomaniac who steals everything at sight from tumblers to the dentures of an old man! She even surprises everyone with a burst of kungfu!

I had an old aunt who was the sweetest of them all. She used to enthrall us with folklore which always had twists and turns like the stories of O.Henry. When it came to mythological stories, she would present them in her own perspective that gave us a greater insight into the working of the minds of popular mythological figures. She always carried a brown steel box that she considered more precious than her own life. None of us knew what was inside the box. Then one day, she left us all for her abode in Sivaloka plunging all of us in total grief. After the thirteen days of obsequies were finished, we decided to open her closely guarded steel trunk. As an expert uncle of mine prised open the formidable looking lock with ease making us wonder how and whence he acquired this skill, we held our breath to have a look at my departed aunt’s worldly possessions. The first sight of her treasure simply floored us. It consisted of pencil sharpeners, staplers, paper weights, small gadgets of children, soaps, battery cells and in short anything small enough to be tucked away safely! The largest of the items was an old geometry box.

Our minds went back to her days with us. Whenever she visited us, small things would suddenly disappear which would come to our notice only when we got ready for the school. She would join us in our frantic but futile search. We would leave for our schools sans the eraser, geometry box or whatever with a heavy heart but it would soon be forgotten history. You can imagine our surprise on seeing all those things that took wings mysteriously over the years sojourning safely in her trunk! It then dawned on us that she was probably a compulsive kleptomaniac who stole things not for value or use but just for the pleasure of it!

The Uncyclopedia, which is a spoof of Wikipedia, defines a kleptomaniac as someone who enjoys relieving people of items that they may otherwise find of some value or use. "Kleptos", as they are affectionately known, believe that it is their sworn duty to remove these items from members of the public as a means of easing the latter’s burden. They may not even be aware that they are engaged in acquiring someone else’s belongings unlawfully. It is rather tragic that they plan and execute their operations as meticulously as The Great Train Robbery only for acquiring such stuff that is least likely to be of any use to them in their life. I was appalled that my aunt was in this business all her life only to tuck away the things that she could lay her hands on in her worn out steel box!

What surprises me is that my aunt is just one of thousands of people who are kleptomaniacs. My access to my usual source of crazy statistics reveals that the annual turn over of kleptomaniacs in US per year is of the order of a whopping sum of $16 billion! It is not a work of the havenots who steal for a living but a pastime of well-heeled individuals including celebrities like the Hollywood actress Winona Rider and the ace tennice star Jennifer Capriati. A website on the Divas of the world even claims that Queen Mary had kleptomaniacal tendencies that gives this art a Royal status!

As far as I am concerned, the most celebrated kleptomanic was a fellow student of mine in Presidency College who was the prettiest of the lot and what did she steal? All our hearts, of course! In retrospect, I call her a kleptomaniac because she stole our hearts only to tuck them away, as my aunt did, in some place where she had no intention of looking again. Secondly, our hearts were precious to us but for the klepto that she was, it was of no use to her! She was probably not even aware, as a hybrid kleptomaniac, that she had stolen our hearts! In hindsight, I am happy that we lost our hearts to her because when we retrieved them, they were totally unused by her!

 

My dear Mol
Hearing you say all that about kleptomania was like a powwow with a renowned headshrinker! I totally agree that the kleptos have no control over their actions. Why would they otherwise risk being caught in the act when their sole aim is to pocket a worn out nail cutter and goodies like that? But then people like Winona are more like a wolf in a lamb skin. They pilfer things from famous departmental stores. If they are caught, the klepto garb comes handy. If they are not caught, they 'laugh all the way to the Bank' as the saying goes!

But the pure and simple kleptos like my late aunt are such a pleasure to reminisce. When it came to lifting things from their legal moorings, they always displayed a childlike quality. Imagine an octogenarian going after erasers and pencil sharpeners with the gusto of a 7 year old boy!

Mol, I cannot assure you that I'll not be a klepto if the tendency runs in the family. After all, my own aunt was one after all! Nothing would please me more than being in the shoes of my dearest aunt!
Sri

 

Dear Sri
There is a saying that many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up! The people who believe in this statement always argue that there would have been no need for inventing the lock otherwise!
But I agree with Devika that people who steal material things are only a small fraction as compared to people who steal our hearts and people who rob us of our peace of mind etc.
Good that you too have joined the gang!
Sri