My obsession with breaking records

On Breaking Records

It is not often that one gets a chance to witness history being made. I happened to watch Sachin Tendulkar break Lara’s world record of highest number of test runs scored yesterday. He went on to cross 15000+ runs in the aggregate, the first batsman in the world ever to score 12000 runs. Sachin may have labored a little longer than Lara to make those runs but a record is a record no matter how one gets there.

Breaking records is a fascinating thing. I have had this obsession for breaking records since I was a toddler. My mum once told me that I broke my first record when I was just around two and that too a prized record of my dad! But did that make him proud? Not at all! It only made him angry and upset and he gave expression to his ire by thrashing my brother who was 7 years elder to me because I was just two and still under the protective umbrella of my wonderful mum. You may be wondering why he should get angry when he should be feeling proud. It was because the record I broke was a vintage gramophone record that was his prized possession for over two decades! Some of you may remember those shiny discs that revolved at 78 rotations per minute to reproduce what was recorded on them. The great Saint Pattinathar compared our life beyond death as a broken needle that was of no use to anybody. But the needle used for picking up sounds from the gramophone record was virtually a needle without head! As technology developed, the records became slower and the popular version was the one that rotated at 33rpm.

I am digressing as usual! Though my breaking any record stopped with that solitary episode, my obsession with it has grown to enormous proportions. When I was a young man, there were not many avenues open for breaking records. One had to do very risky and arduous things like climbing Mount Everest even to create a record let alone breaking it. In this context, you must understand that for anyone to break a record, there must be already one to break. So when Edmund Hillary and Tenzing set foot on Mount Everest, they created a record. How do we break it? We can do it by reaching that formidable peak without oxygen masks, crawling like a caterpillar, hands and legs tied behind us or blind folded. All we need to do is just to put the Guinness chaps on notice about our intentions lest our achievement should go unnoticed.

As I get older, I am nursing greater ambitions of breaking a record. When I read the latest Guinness Book, I see that it is only a question of time before I find a place in it. When I read that some Navneet Singh found his way into the Guinness Book by clapping only one hand 284 times in one minute, my heart jumps with joy! The only problem that I may face is from Chinese guys who would never allow an Indian to steal a march over them, no matter what the field is. I understand that China is going crazy about creating records. Stories like one Xie Longbang, 35, from Xinjiang, can wiggle his ears for four hours non-stop at a rate of four wiggles per second, or Liu Kemin, from Nanchang, can blow 80 smoke rings from one puff of a cigarette give me the heebee jeebees really. Even before I can think of an idea to enter the Guinness record, I find that a 90 old Chinese guy has done it already! For example, just as I was practicing clapping my hands loudly to set a record for the loudest handclapping in the world, I found a news item that among the hopefuls seeking recognition in the next edition was one Jiang Mingsheng, 66, from Nanjing, who can clap at 106.9 decibels! You can imagine how upset this piece of news made me considering how unpopular I became in my neighbourhood creating all that racket clapping my hands as if to beckon someone to save my life!

All said and done, nothing is going to stop me from pursuing my greatest ambition in life. I am sure to find something unexplored hitherto to find my way into the Guinness Book. I am not put off by my wife’s sarcastic observation that I could win my place there easily by sending a recording of my snoring. When I set my heart on something, I never let anyone to side track me! Keep reading Guinness and if one day you find a mention that a man from South India tosses up a toffee 10 feet into the air and catches it with his mouth 372 times in 5 minutes, that would most probably be me!

 

Dear Chithra
I see that you have let your imagination run riot there! But unfortunately those incidents can be epoch making but may not qualify for Guinness Records. Eating 100 iddlies with an 'anda' of sambar is common sight these days and Guinness may not be interested in such mundane efforts at gluttony. Many such feats are not even forwarded to Guinness HQ. I understand that among the heroic failures was a 35-year-old labourer from Hubei, who walked 100 metres wearing iron shoes weighing more than 100kg each at a Guinness-organised event in Beijing. The record was too specific, and he was probably the only person who could wear the shoes, Guinness judged.

Another claim that was not forwarded to London was a man who claimed he could blow balloons up with his eyes! So I suggest that you spruce up your list in keeping with the modern spirit of 'adventure' for my further consideration! During my Presidency College days, we honoured a student for being in love with 37 girls simultaneously! When I say adventure, I mean something like that!
Sri

 

Dear Shanthi
You are certainly more observant than Madam. My block is just eight short of 14 stories! I believe that people who have acrophobia tend to imagine tall buildings to be twice taller than what they really are.

Sachin has been effectively handling the pressure and expectations of his delirious fans very effectively. Handling pressure of the fans is a lot more difficult than facing ace bowlers like Murali and Macgrath. This can get even more difficult for a cult figure like Sachin. I know a number of boys who drink Boost because it is Sachin's source of energy though,according to me, Boost has an insipid taste.

You are right about our desi Guinness. Limca specialises in longest nails and longest beards. In a recent ad of Big TV, I see the record holder for the longest moustache using it as a weapon to subdue some thugs! But as you have pointed out, there are quite a few heart-warming efforts at creating records.

At the next IL meeting in Chennai, remember to invite me. I'll bring enough records for all ILites to break! IL will then have the maximum number of record breakers as a community!
Sri

 

Boy o'boy! Kamal!
I have seen engines working on all cylinders but a human being writing back and forth with both hands and the feet to boot! Amazing indeed. You are not only multifacted but multifingered too! I think you can make a great fortune by modeling for pen makers like Reynolds and Parker roaring into the camera "Give me more pens!" like Amitabh roaring 'Give me Red!" for Eveready Cells.
I have seen guys writing with both hands but this is the first time I come across someone who can write normally with one hand and simultaneously in the reverse with the other hand. I remember that kid in Exorcist who shouts unintelligible things. After a great deal of difficulty, they find out that they are words spoken on the reverse!
I am proud to be your buddy, old boy! That indeed calls for celebration!
Sri

 

Dear Mol
Mami may certainly have a point there and I am not contesting it at all. As a matter of fact, I would have complied with her suggestion had I not come across the Guinness stipulation. Their parameter for accepting the decibel level of snoring for consideration is that it should be loud enough to keep even the snorer himself awake! Unfortunately I sleep like a log despite the world opinion about the decibel level of my snoring!
And thank you for the very nice things you have said about my snoring..oops. my writing!
Sri