Stranger in the Mirror!

Cheeniya · Oct 30, 2014

Stranger in the mirror!

Are you one of those who think that their peers age a lot faster than them? Then you belong to the majority of world’s population. It is the effect of a hedonistic attitude that nestles deep inside every one of us. Even the spiritually inclined people nurse a hedonistic approach to life. They do not admit it openly because they think that it is immoral to be pleasure seekers. Ethical hedonism as propounded by Aristippus of Cyrene is in simplified terms a concept that states that all people have the right to do everything in their power to achieve the greatest possible pleasure to them on condition that their actions do not infringe on the similar rights of others. It is the subconscious orientation to pleasure that gets reflected in a man’s desire to fight aging. The most predominant manifestation of this orientation is his belief that he looks much younger than his peers! We cheer up instantly when someone remarks that we hardly look our age! We spend a fortune on materials that promise to keep us young, fair and lovely!

A couple of weeks back, I received a Forward in my mail which I want to share with you. It goes like this:
My name is Meena. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his BDS degree on the wall, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name who had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended St Mary's high school.
"Yes. yes, I did.' he gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1984. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!!!!", I told him in an excited voice.
He looked at me closely.
Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkle-faced, decrepit, nincompoop, asked,
"What did you teach and what class"?

This is what I was telling you about in the beginning. The secret desire of every human being to look his youthful best is nothing new. This phenomenon extends from our mythological tales to the love triangles of modern youth. The story of Yayathi’s swapping the wrinkles of his old age with the well chiseled youthful features of his son Puru is known to everyone. Even the god men of today lay as much emphasis on their spiritual repertoire as on putting up fancy appearances to attract people. They don crazy head gears and apparels to add substance to what little substance they may really have!

The most indisputable fact is the time we spend in front of a mirror. I once chanced upon an article that reeled out a lot of unusual statistics. The one that stunned me most was the mention of an average human being spending 7 years of his life in front of a mirror! It only goes to show that all of us without exception love what we see of ourselves in the mirror irrespective of which stage of our life we are in. When I stand in front of a mirror, I cannot help wondering how is that I look exactly the same as I did twenty years back. I keep wondering this way until some cousin of mine tells me that I look exactly the same as my grandpa did on his 80th birthday! He further goes on to enquire if I have stopped all physical activity to look so old adding ‘Look at me, I am 70 but no one will say that I am a day older than 50!’ And he is the one that we all call as the Pithamaha of the family!

The other day I was reading Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray for the umpteenth time. No other novel fascinates me as much as this masterpiece of Oscar Wilde. Dorian Gray is so obsessed with the hedonistic way of life that he wants to retain his beauty and youthful look for ever. He goes to the extent of pledging his soul in order that an oil portrait of his bears all the effect of his aging so that he can remain young and beautiful for eternity. The picture gets more and more hideous with every act of vice and debauchery of Dorian Gray! I have no intention to discuss the full story here but only a thought that occurs to me.

If we have a mirror that shows our true picture mauled by all our sins and wrongdoing, will it not serve us as a medium to monitor the quality of life from time to time with possibilities of corrective action so that our image is not too much at variance with what we are? We have gadgets to monitor all our health parameters. It is time that we have a gadget like a mirror that shows how good or bad the moral content of our life has been. It will be good to see a true image of ourselves in such a mirror rather than a stranger who even we cannot recognize!

jayasala42 · Oct 30, 2014

Society Has already defined what beauty is and no doubt all human beings are after looking beauty, though women are stated to be more fascinated.

We are all more obsessed with our appearance than we like to admit. But this is not an indication of 'vanity'. Vanity means conceit, excessive pride in one's appearance. Concern about appearance is quite normal and understandable. Attractive people have distinct advantages in our society.

Attractive children are more popular, both with classmates and teachers. Teachers give higher evaluations to the work of attractive children and have higher expectations of them (which has been shown to improve performance).Beautiful children are given more importance in stage shows and their popularity helps to boost confidence

Attractive applicants have a better chance of getting jobs, and of receiving higher salaries. In Western countries tall men are preferred and paid higher salaries.

In court, attractive people are found guilty less often. When found guilty, they receive less severe sentences.

Almost all the situations in life favour physically attractive people.

Even Keats has said" Beauty is Truth' first and the adds " Truth is beauty".

From the historical days handsome princes/princesses were portrayed intelligent, brave and virtuous and wicked demons looked ugly.Somehow society identifies virtue with beauty.

It is not surprising that physical attractiveness is of overwhelming importance to us.No wonder human beings are after mirrors.Among animals only apes, our ancestors love mirrors. They want to dress up their hair on seeing the mirror.

( Out of context)

I was able to save my 21 days old daughter in 1969 from the clutches of a monkey which was running towards the well holdinging the baby in its mouth, by showing a mirror in its front. The monkey was too much desirous to see its beauty in the mirror, left the baby on the floor and went after the mirror)

It is stated in the folks version of Ramayana that the monkeys were very much interested to see sita, because she was the one captured by Ravana, the Great. but on seeing her fragile form they felt that Sita was not that much beautiful and had Rama seen the monkeys earlier he would not have sought the hands of sita and would have definitely married one of them.
Not to talk of human beings.
From very earlier times much importance was given to physical beauty and'anga Sastra' was one of the 64 arts in which 'Samudrika lakshanam ' finds an important place.
Tamils classified women into seven categories according to their age: Pethai, Pethumbai, Mangai, Matanthai,Arivai, Therivai and Perilam Pen, starting from age 5 and finishing with 40. Probably they called over forty women with a general term like “woman”.

Sanskrit book Rati Rahasya went one step further and classified women into four categories on the basis of psycho-physical aspects: Padmini, Chitrini, Shankini and Hastini. Many books were written until 12th century giving more information about women’s body features.
However much one talks about 'internal beauty' it is human temperament to see oneself at least 70% to the commonly accepted 'beauty norms.

Do we need any mirror other than our conscience to reflect our true self?The mirror is always standing before us giving MRI of our mind and deeds.We just don't want to look into it and simply turn our face.
But we are ready to peep through the innnn-----s of others and willing to penetrate into their conscience. What a world!

Jayasala 42

Srama · Oct 30, 2014

Oh wait! What? Stranger in the mirror? Another thread by Cheeniya sir? Just having read the title, I did pause to look at myself in the mirror only to realize that I have already taken the car out twice this morning and it is not even 6.30, to drop off family to their destinations with out a clue that my hair is unkempt, tied in a bun! Stranger, what stranger? It is all me in my usual hurried style. And to think of the number of times I looked in the mirror even if it is the rear view to check the traffic!!! I tell you sir!! I know sir, you mentioned something about spiritual people and I can heave a sigh of relief for spirituality is not the reason I don't look at the mirror that often. It is the busy life style :biggrin2:

Reading your description I did wish how I could stand and stare at myself for a moment wondering how I looked 20 years ago and I should not have done it! At my age sir, it is not at all flattering. Perhaps another 10 years, I will be with you acknowledging that I look the same from 20 yrs ago....this transition phase, no way! At this stage, I rely on DH and other well meaning friends to sing songs about how lovely I look and that too only on special occasions. Really sir, really! Hear me out...as I brush my teeth in the morning all I can think of is what's on the stove what to pack and what not. Then the rest of the day goes between bus stops, grocery shopping, running errands - all bundled up, right now! So you see no need for hair do, make up etc etc. Just pull on something decent and warm and I am good to go for the day! Mirror what mirror and where? Then there is this joy of having kids. When they see your younger self picture, they cannot marvel at how you look a million years old now or how young you looked a million years ago (even if it is from when they were born).....from not so long ago!And then there is my sweet DD with all her innocence who can now look into the mirror with out going on her tip toes never failing to remind me with "mom, how come I look like I am growing up but you look like you are only growing old! Why is it so?"

I am not sure talking of mirrors, I cannot help but wonder about the selfie style that is so prevalent now. The younger generation doing it, perfectly understandable but what impresses me the most is how easily they can make silly and goofy faces and not worry about keeping them or clicking them even. If you don't believe you should see the silly faces my kids make when playing with my phone. I wonder though when this translates to that hedonistic view that you speak of.

Well sir, no I did not miss the gist of what you are trying to say. I agree if we can look squarely in the mirror and look at the lines and the creases and even that crow's feet and when each one of them tells a story of a life lived and hopefully well, I think we will not appear like strangers to ourselves but can see the stories in us and in others. I am not sure about sins and wrong doings but if the mirror can catch us and show us the happiness every time we smile or bring a smile, I think it will do a lot in spreading cheer! I am all for that.

PS: I agree with your view on hedonistic attitude...say mirror and I can talk so much about myself...longer than your original post ;-)

rgsrinivasan · Oct 30, 2014

That was an interesting piece Cheeniya Sir.
Happy to know that I too am one of those, perceiving myself as young always.

The last paragraph is just too good. Out of a sheer coincidence and a 'youthful' brashness, I just want to share what I wrote earlier that runs a bit tangential to this topic - http://www.indusladies.com/forums/snippets-of-life-non-fiction/261085-mirror.html

Hope that was readable [where is that hiding under the chair icon?] -rgs

Shanvy · Oct 30, 2014

sri,

lucky for me i never have/had the fascination with the mirror. and trying to feel younger, no chance with my kids telling me that i am growing old and that it is now their responsiblity to look after me..!!! now who wants to add a mirror and an image to the equation.

interesting, on the mirror reflecting the inner self as is.. recently when i went for browsing for books,(nothing beats the physical pleasure of turning pages of new books), i came across this quote and few more as sticker, dumped in boxes..

There are very few people who are going to look into the mirror and say, 'That person I see is a savage monster;' instead, they make up some construction that justifies what they do.

found that it was by noam chomsky..

that i am feeling sad that the landmark outlets are closing or shrinking to fit in is a story for another day.and the reason the stickers were in boxes...

I think this quote sums up what will be the common man's reaction to a mirror that shows all..

but coming back to the title, stranger in the mirror, can i share the link of this article that i enjoyed reading a few months back, thanks to a friend's son.
and yes we tried it ..

The strange-face-in-the-mirror illusion « Mind Hacks

i accept the loads of silver shine (the greys) that pop out every morning, when i brush my teeth, and the crows feet, the single wrinkle on the forehead that reminding me to relax and enjoy life..

our soul is the best mirror only that we tend to ignore the image and appreciate the reflections more. it takes a lot of strength to accept the image the mrror shows, to accept, to change, correct and move in the right direction..

shyamala1234 · Oct 31, 2014

Dear Sir,

Yes, who does not want to look beautiful or younger? That is the reason for looking into mirrors so many times a day. Every lady has a small mirror in their handbags. Did you check any ladies handbag? Because of this universal wish or obsession cosmetic industries and plastic surgeons are thriving.In supermarkets, departmental stores rows and rows of cosmetics we see. In Rite Aid or any Pharmacy stores in USA or UK (do not know about other places) the medicines are placed at the backside aisles and to go there we have to pass through many aisles of cosmetics with most tempting and attractive packing. Then only the medicines counters appear.
The last paragraph is too good and very correct also. But if we have that kind of mirrors we would look into that mirror very very rarely....leave out correcting ourselves. Conscience is our mirror but how often we look into it and listen to it? Sometimes yes and sometimes no.
A very good one. Relevant for everyone.
Syamala

PushpavalliSrinivasan · Oct 31, 2014

Dear Mr Cheeniya,
Charm was a scheme for making strangers like and trust a person immediately, no matter what the charmer had in mind.”
― Kurt Vonnegut,
We all have heard that beauty is skin deep. Yet who doesn't like to be told by others that they are beautiful?

"Face is the index of the mind," says another adage. But always it is not the truth.There are pasu thole porthiya pulikal in this world.

Beauty of queen Cleopatra intrigued many men and even women. It is believed she took bath in milk mixed with honey.

Even fair skinned chubby babies attracts the attention of people.
It is just a reflex action that people want to see their face as soon as they see a mirror. As you have said almost all the people do want to look younger and spend time and money for this.
PS

kalpavriksham · Oct 31, 2014

Oh, definitely Sir.
we have a better / the best mirror in us
that will tell us, every second about our true selves.but unfortunately we dont frequent this very often. even if we do, it is just to suit our convenience!?

that is, our INTROSPECTING ABILITY which God has Given only to MAN!

Pranams

Viswamitra · Oct 31, 2014

Dear Cheeniya Sir,

Looking into the mirror starts from a very young age and the habit continues forever. There is no question in my mind that our vision makes us believe that we look the same forever. Perhaps, the changes that happen to us and visible in the mirror are ignored by our brain that stores our image in its data warehouse at a very early stage of our life. This fact makes me believe what Michael Talbot said in his famous book "Holographic Universe" that it is not what we see that gets to the screen inside our retina but what our brain tells us to see from its prior memories. That perhaps is the reason for the world to look different for each one of us.

Now coming to the point of having a mirror to watch our morality, it is imperative to say here that it is difficult to determine what we perceive as our character is viewed by our inner conscience or clever mind. We always present ourselves as the best person that we could be to others and our mind makes us believe that over a period of time even if there is some initial resistance.

However, I have to admit our inner beauty has a specific impact on our looks. I have seen the children who join Ramakrishna Mutt to learn Veda at the young age and when they qualify themselves to recite Veda and understand the Vedic Teachings, the Tejas we see in their faces reflect their inner cleansing. Even though our looks has no value to add to our character, the inner beauty definitely has some value to add to our looks.

Sometimes, I imagine my body as house of glass with a lot of impurity and as we commence cleansing it, the divine principle that resides inside is visible to others outside. They respond to our inner Godly principle. But when we apply the strong Will to surrender to the Lord ourselves, the mercury is then applied for us to have dharshan of the Lord ourselves. Mirror has to be created by our own Will, I guess.

Viswa

GoogleGlass · Oct 31, 2014

Nice one C'

A mirror doesn' t mirror what you are. Not saying this because it portrays me ugly

In it the right is the left and the left is the right, hence how can it mirror the external, forget the internal.

Mind is young for many, but no weightage to it since many don't mind that at all. Never mind attitude is to be developed and practised.