My mum's style of parenting

My mum takes a few drops of water in her tender palm and sprinkles it on my head chanting ‘Sri Rama rashasu’ (May Lord Rama protect you!). That is how my bath concludes every day. It has always been a tough task for my mum to drag me to my bath. My allergy for water being poured over my body is indeed phenomenal but her monumental patience always wins me over. Once in a way, there are certain deals struck between us to make me agree to a bath. These deals vary from time to time depending on my mood and her mood, of course! But the only constant feature of my bath is the ‘Sri Rama Rashasu’ finale. Whenever I ask her why she always invokes the blessing of Rama and no other God, she would just smile. It takes me several years to understand her fascination for Rama. When I persist with my question, ‘Amma! Why not Ganesh, Muruga, Krishna or Siva, why only Rama?’ she always tells me ‘I want you to be like Rama and none else’.

My mum is deeply religious. But her religious practices are of a very unobtrusive kind. Whenever her younger sister who is our neighbour threatens her mischievous son that if he does not behave properly, God will prick his eyes, my mum will immediately chide her saying that God has better work to do than pricking children’s eyes for small problems like not eating food or not doing homework! She is very firm in her belief that God must be presented to children as a great benefactor who will never punish but will gently lead children through the right path. In fact the stories that she tells me of God always fill me with awe and make me think of Him as a true friend.

My only brother is seven years elder to me and so ahead in academics by seven years. I am in my 4[SUP]th[/SUP] standard now and he will be shortly facing the school final examinations. He is indeed working very hard to come out with flying colours. When I get too playful or make noise, my dad tells me not to disturb my brother. My mum defends me saying how much I help my brother and how every evening I wash the kerosene lantern and keep it tidy for my brother to study in the night. My heart swells with pride at the way my mother sees my role in the family and makes me feel not as an irresponsible brat but as one of the important members of the family! She treats us always as equals so that there is absolutely no feeling of rivalry between us. Even if she has to scold one of us for anything wrong we commit, she does so when the other is not around.

Days roll on. I get my job as a direct recruit officer in State Bank. My brother is already in Indian Administrative Service. He is now married and has a family of his own. My wedding is now fixed and I’ll be tying the knot in just a couple of days. My mum calls me to her room and tells me that the girl I am marrying will be leaving her family to plunge into a totally new life with me for the rest of her life. She does so with the utmost trust that I’ll provide her a respectable life and be a source of all her happiness in future. “I want you to be like Lord Rama in your married life”, she concludes. I now understand the import of her constant ‘Sri Rama Rashasu’ in my childhood.

My dad is a good man but when it comes to giving my mum the due share in his life, he is perhaps found wanting. We cannot blame him. He lives in a joint family and he cannot pick out my mother for any special favours as tongues will start wagging. Even after choosing to live alone, he persists with his indifference. Old habits die hard. No wonder my mother attaches greater importance to this aspect of married life which she missed. ‘Sri Rama Rashasu’ sums it up all!

 

My dear Shanvy
The point that your DS has raised is very valid and I have myself discussed this at length in an earlier rambling of mine. That is precisely the reason why I have used present tense in narrating the story of my life. My mother and her like belonged to the era when Sri Rama was accepted as an epitome of all virtues. More than anything else, His being an 'eka patni vrathan' meant a lot for the women of yore. That was a time when men considered it a big status symbol to run a parallel life and the poor wives had to just lump it. I have even heard of stories when these wives visited the houses of their husbands' paramours to invite them for family functions. Though it was an accepted privilege that men conferred upon themselves, the poor wives just burned within. In this context, Sri Rama was a dream figure for those hapless wives!

Sri Rama was pronounced as the god of all gods by the erudite pauraniks who chose to remain silent on the way Rama treated Sita post the slaying of Ravana. Our poor ladies did not have the kind of access to all the critical analysis of Rama's attitude towards his wife that the modern folks have. So in their time, Rama was the kind of husband that every woman secretly longed for-a husband who would not even look at another woman!

Parenting was easy, as you say, at the time of my mum. But then I know hundreds of cases where women of last century fostered jealousy and rivalry among their own children by showing utter partiality in bringing them up. There used to be the famous reference to 'butter on one eye and lime on the other'! My own paternal grandparents were guilty of this crime.

I agree that the modern children need a different kind of parenting. We come across so many views being expressed by our own members. I just wanted to share the brand of parenting that my mum followed. Maybe she succeeded because we loved her too much to defy her even in thoughts!
Sri