Feeling like a worm...

Several incidents in my life have made me feel like a worm. They were the occasions when I was expected to act as a man but I did not. In fact whenever I see a movie in which the hero makes mincemeat of anyone who perpetrates a ghastly crime in the center of a market place, I am engulfed by shame and self pity. My mind immediately goes back to such incidents in my own life when thugs had a free run and I had watched helplessly. I could perhaps draw consolation from the fact that I was not alone in not rising up to the occasion in such cases but there were several others who preferred to be mute witness at scenes of crime.

A colleague of mine had a brother in law who was in the Army. He was coming home from Meerut to Chennai on holiday and was traveling in a train. As the train was passing through some dacoit-infested area, a few armed thugs boarded the train midway and demanded that the passengers surrender all their valuables. While everyone meekly handed over what they had, this Army Officer showed resistance and picked up a fight. One of the thugs whipped out his revolver and shot him dead at point blank. This news was a hot topic of debate for several days whether what he did was sensible and should he not have meekly surrendered too. Some were even critical of his action unmindful of his responsibility towards his young wife and a one year old son.

It is difficult to pass a judgment unless we knew what exactly provoked the slain officer to engage the thugs in combat. When he lost his life, he was just 34. But this incident brought to end what little urge I had for heroics of any kind and I became an alter ego of RK Lakshman’s Common Man.

But one incident remains green in my memory though it took place more than a decade back at the busy traffic junction at Adyar. It was a busy morning hour and a number of pretty women and guys who were desperate to impress them were waiting at the bus stop. I had stopped to buy a few things at a nearby super market and was returning to my car parked at quite a distance. I saw an old man seeking alms from the people at the bus stop. He made very little progress and was looking hungry and pathetic.

Suddenly, one of the young men offered the old man a ten rupee note if the old man would sit in the middle of the road for 15 minutes. The old man accepted the offer and went to the middle of the road to fulfill his end of the bargain. The snarling traffic zoomed past him unmindful of the presence of a live human being sitting in the middle of the road. Some of the girls giggled at this spectacle and the man who made the old man risk his life threw a triumphant look around. Minutes ticked by and I stood rooted to my spot in horror and disbelief. I was appalled that there could be people including girls who looked upon such a sordid episode as a great joke.

At the end of the period, the old man rose and came to the youth to collect his money. By that time, a bus came and the crowd rushed to it. The youth showed his middle finger to the old man in a vulgar gesture and ran to catch the bus laughing like mad. I could feel a lump in my throat as I looked around and saw a few more agonized faces in the crowd. No one did anything to question the young man and he was allowed to go Scot free.

I cursed myself for being such a coward. I cursed my highly protected upbringing as a pet child of the family. I took the old man to a nearby shop and bought him a packet of biscuits and some fruits. I thrust a tenner in his sweaty palm and walked slowly back to my car. I knew that I was just trying to soothe my troubled conscience by this act of generosity. I told myself that if I had acted tough with the boy and prevented the whole episode, I would have saved the old man from taking such a great risk. But the old man would surely have blamed me for coming in the way of his earning some money. He at least had what he wanted and his grateful face did allay my feeling of being a worm. But just for a while. I was soon engulfed by a feeling of shame and self pity. I wondered if the lesson that was taught to me at a young age, "Dushtanai kandal thoora vilagu" (Stay clear of bad people) was really the cause for my being weak-kneed...

 

Dear Chithra
I am glad you agree with me that most of us remain passive just because we neither have the brain or brawn to deal with such contingencies! I remember how honestly Dharmendra explains to Jayabadhuri in Guddi how all the heroism displayed by the heroes in movies is just make believe.

Let alone the kind of incidents that I have narrated but think of how many of us turn away from the scene of an accident merely because we may be summoned to Police Station and the Court if we report about it!

I remember vividly how a colleague of mine lost his brother and his family in a gruesome accident near Melmaruvathur. A TV crew happened to be passing by and the whole episode of the young daughter of the family struggling for life and breathing her last was recorded and shown on TV as a news item.
Sri

 

Dear Sudha
There is a word for describing these do-gooders whose acts invariably land others in greater difficulty.They are called Anukoola Satrus!

It is true that it is life and we must learn to carry on but that doesn't help one feeling guilty when he becomes a witness of an atrocity being committed. When such things happen , we remember the promise made by the Lord "Sambavami yuge yuge' So I always look up on such situations if He would descend on the scene and believe me He did once!

It happened years back in Lattice Bridge Road opposite the then Eros Theatre. It was Diwali eve and the road was crawling with people and vehicles. Suddenly from one of the moving buses, two young men jumped out and engaged a simple looking scooterist in a heated argument. The scooterist was muttering some apology or something when one of the two men slapped the scooterist hard. The scooterist panicked and pleaded with folded hands not to assault him. He pleaded that he was from a decent family and he was not used to getting beaten. This did not move the two and they rained blows on the scooterist. We were all standing there paralysed and I looked up as usual.

And lo! Two highly mascular chaps who were going that way on a bullet, stopped the vehicle and asked us what the commotion was all about. We explained to them the incident as we observed it. The two man dragged the two thugs out and gave them such a thrashing that would have resulted in an instant death for most of us! There was so much glee among the spectators at this turn of the events!

I went home feeling satisfied that the Lord did keep up his promise of Sambavami yuge yuge!
Sri

 

Dear Shreyasri
That's a very significant example you have provided! Yes it is true that the individual cowardice has collectively made this nation a very meek one. We have left all the fighting to the Army jawans!
It is not an uncommon sight anymore to watch someone brutally murdered in broad daylight in a crowded market place even in Chennai. We all stay mute spectators in such cases. The irony is that even the Police stand rooted to their spot when such an incident takes place as it happened when a group of thugs destroyed the Dina Malar office with petrol bombs in Madurai recently. Three very young and aspiring software professionals were killed in the incident. TV replays of the incident showed how the Police stood there helpless. Imagine how they get trained and paid for dealing with such lawlessness! If such trained people remain mute spectators what can an ordinary man like me do?
I remember a great Hindi movie, 'Ardh Satya' in which a honest Police Officer, beautifully portrayed by Om Puri, getting extremely frustrated at not being able to deal with a vicious thug because of the support he enjoyed from some Senior Police Officers and Ministers, gives vent to his ire and frustration by beating the life out of a simple pick-pocket!
Very sordid it was!
I have many incidents in my life to share with you but I dont think my life has been so great as to be penned as a biography! Thank you shreya for your great affection and respect for me that has come out in that suggestion of yours!
sri