Proof of the pudding!

Cheeniya · Jun 14, 2007

I was simply floored by that stunning beauty. What a shape and what colour! The sheen of her body was just blinding. The contours were so innovative that it would be well nigh impossible to copy them. But being a practical man, I just do not judge anything on the outward appearance alone. So I asked the floor manager to tell me more about the car. What he told me could be summarised thus.

This model would have no competitors at least for another fifty years. It is totally computerised and all that is required of you is to sit in the seat, not necessarily the driver's seat, and give a few commands to the built-in computer. Just punch your destination, how soon you'd like to get there and what route to take. If there were any calls to make enroute or any shopping to do, key in such information as well. Thereafter you just relax in whatever manner you want to relax. The car would carry out your instructions to a nicety. The vehicle is fixed with an array of radars and sensors and would automatically come to a screeching halt even if an ant crossed the road. It is such a technical marvel that it is virtually impossible to get involved in an accident of even a minor nature.

Is there a catch, I asked the Manager. None at all, he replied cheerfully. But I must tell you this, he added. The car, he cautioned, was so programmed that it's primary concern was the safety of passengers. So, he said, even if there was a little movement on the street, it would come to a dead stop. Then the car would have to remain in the garage forever, I retorted, or taken to Sahara! There was truth in what you said, he agreed, but quickly added that she was unbeatable on a road where there was no movement whatsoever. Thank you very much, I told him. I have no use for such techno-marvels and I am interested in something practical that'll keep me mobile even in crowded roads and alleys.

I am reminded of this story when my highly knowledgeable friend Bala tells me that Afridi may bat like a man possessed, but when it comes to technical perfection he is no match for Sachin. He tells me that one sixer from Sachin is equal to ten of Afridi. To a layman like me, a technically perfect batsman, who can not score runs, is as bad as the technological marvel of a car I was talking about which can take you nowhere. Afridi and my rickety car may not be technically perfect but they serve the purpose. That's the proof of the pudding!

A postscript! Dont ask me what is the name of this car! Yesterday an ILite had enquired in a thread what would be an ideal car to buy. This is the result of that query! In India, I have seen the days when only three brands were availabe and you had to book for one of them and wait for months for your car to be delivered. But today the market is flooded with new cars. You can just walk in, sign a few papers, swipe your card and drive away your car! The new car ads are so full of features the description of which mostly go over my head. Some even say that we can accelerate to 120kmph in 3 seconds without telling us where the hell we can do that. Most of the features are highly technical and can never be put to test by any layman!

Lavanya · Jun 14, 2007

That was funny... Believe it or not when a salesman told me it can go from 0 to 60 mph within so many secs that's what I asked - where would I do that without getting hitting just about the whole array of cars ahead of me or without getting a ticket!!!

Your description of the car sounds pretty close to what I read about Maybach!! But I'm sure there'll still be people who buy such cars just for a symbol of their status. So not to worry about the manufacturer or the dealer, I'm sure they are all well fed.

Chitvish · Jun 15, 2007

Dear Sri,
You started the first paragraph enjoyably & naughtily, but alas, deceptively !
With a thud, I landed on the earth - well, you wrote about the innovative contours of a car, after all !

Do you remember how the first advertisement for Santro was introduced ? I just fell for it with Amitabh, my favourite white-bearded one, driving it. Ofcourse for that very reason, Vish refused to go in for it, is another story.

I am reminded of the tamil proverb on exaggeration,
Eerai penakki
Penai perumaal akki !
That is what advertisements do, now, like the seven-day fairness cream.

Well for the example you have mentioned, the following is more apt:
Vaettal madanyai vaetpen
Vaekkaatta paradesam poven !!

All said & done about the new marvels like Skoda Octavia etc, the comfort of our (times) good old Ambassador can never be matched. Truly old is god - I include you & me, as well, Sri.

Love,
Chithra.

Manjureddy · Jun 15, 2007

Dear Chheniyasri,

Exactly !

New and newer models keep flooding our market and have you noticed how big and bigger the fancy tin cans are becoming. They occupy so much space on the road and parking ,a perennial problem. I remember when Honda came out with its City, enamoured of the sleek black beauty we went and bought it. Then found the street we lived in was only about five spans wider than our precious toy. With the neighbour backing his Scorpio out of his gate, the lady opposite ours trying to take her Lancer into her garage and a vegetable vendor with his cart here, a school van honking there, it was total chaos everyday.

And Lavanya, when they made a big deal of the Maybach's ability to go from 0 to 100 in a nanosecond, the first question everyone in Hamara Bharath asked was 'does the Maybach come with its own portable autobahns ?'

manjula

Cheeniya · Jun 15, 2007

Dear Lavanya
Looking at Maybach and its price, I always wonder if the owners took their cardiologists with them! Going through the crowded roads of chennai, the owners are bound to have difficulty in keeping their racing hearts in check. One small dent on its rear caused by an inebriant auto driver might put the Maybach owner back by a couple of lakhs! I drive my Maruthi nonchalantly daring everyone on the road to bump against my car. I have seen quite a few Maruti drivers with this attitude and their cars looking like a roasted appalam!
The moral of the story: The more expensive the car is, the greater are the chances of a heart attack!
Sri

Cheeniya · Jun 15, 2007

Dear Chithra
Was it that Vish was worried that you might demand the white-haired Amitab to be appointed as your driver that turned him away from Santro? Does he not know that no matter what car he bought your obsession with Amitab would continue unabated? He would be better off growing a white beard if he really wanted to counter your Amitab fixation!
I agree that Ambassador is a good car and I agree that old is gold, you and I included but how I wish that someone closer to say 40 said that!
Sri

Cheeniya · Jun 15, 2007

Dear Manju
So you too belong to that elite 'Karupputhan enakku pidicha colouru' group?
Welcome aboard, Manju! But along with that, if you has belonged to the 'Small is beautiful' group, much of your daily tension would have been unnecessary!
Maybach and their Private autobahns would certainly have made their price really reasonable!
Sri

kkrish · Jul 27, 2011

At first I was scandalized! What! Is this Sri Sir! Then I let my mind settle down...after all he is a man and no wonder the sight of a car brings out this kind of emotions! It reminded me of my husband calling a solved quadratic equation problem “beautiful" - one of my earlier snippets, “Back to school I went”!
Coming to cars, actually my elder son was involved in building one of the unmanned cars; it was for a competition and we watched the different ideas each university team had come-up with. Pretty amazing each car was!
During our last trip in India we traveled through Virudhachalam. The roads were so bad the suspension system in the Toyota was no match! At that time we thought the good old ambassador would have kept our bones in place!
Not only cars like Maybach, I think the rich just spend the money on outlandish (at least for me) stuff just so they can avoid the taxes!
Another humorous piece!

Cheeniya · Jul 28, 2011

Dear Kamala
I am only too familiar with the Vriddhachalam Road and I can't agree with you more on your assessment of the road! It is not meant for any state of the art car. An Ambassador car can navigate this terrain with the same ease with which a Moon Rover would travel through the tough lunar terrain.

I agree with you on the disposition of the affluent towards outlandish stuff. Chennai is full of BMWs and Benzes that travelling alongside them in a rickety Maruthi makes us cringe with shame. Some enterprising youngsters display messages on the rear of their Nano cars like 'When I grow up, I'll be a BMW!'

Sri

Srama · Dec 10, 2011

Dear Cheeniya sir,

it is indeed interesting to read about this automatic car! Incidentally my DS had to write a review on the pros and cons of having such a car and he got a kick out of it! The car you describe seems possible in India especially when one thinks of a driver doing the part and all the movement (all that traffic) on the road will stop him too - passeger safety or not! Passenger safety is just a USP for this supposedly technologically advanced car! You know we can beat it hands down!

I agree with you sir that it is more important to get your hands dirty and get things done! I would too anyday pick an Afridi over a Sachin! Infact I am often faced with this when in the company of two particular friends and their daughters! One child does her Bharatanatyam technically perfectly I believe and the other goes wrong here but has an impressive stage presence and moreover seems to be enjoying what she is doing! For a person like me who considers herself musically challenged, all that matters is how happy that child is doing what she is doing and how well she presents the dance to the music! But I have learnt to refrian from commenting considering that both are dear to me and when they dance together, they compensate for each others' lack so much that is almost a divine experience! I guess there is always these two categories in almost every aspect!

Coming back to the cars and their modern abilities sir, one thing I would really really like to see that backing up sound/song/alarm? not go off! Now that would be an advancement to me! Oh my God! that is one thing that literally drives me nuts when in India! Just by that music, I can tell who is leaving, moving their car from one spot to another etc and I don't think I am that interested and would rather sleep. yes, I could ignore but i can't seem to be able to!