Dog in the manger! (Inspired by slgayathri!)

In respone to my post on The Hypocrite, slgayathri opined that it could be the way the couple avoided guests! It was too irresistible a spark to let go unnoticed. I told her I would elaborate on her theme and here is the story of Ponnaiya!

Ponnaiya is a guy who thinks that all human beings have the same ailments as he suffers from. I do not know if there is an English word that describes such a condition. Nor do I know if such a thinking process is itself an ailment. But these are mere academic questions. The point that I’m trying to make here is the kind of problem that he poses to others.
I happen to be in cocktail circuits very often and my friend Ponnaiya too can be spotted in many such gatherings. You cannot miss him even in packed gatherings, as his presence will be conspicuous by a six feet vacuum around him. It is as if he has been quarantined and cordoned off by some invisible force. The fact merely is that almost everyone present in such a jolly gathering, whose combined aim is to attack the beautifully arrayed bottles and the veritable spread of mouth watering ‘side-eats’ as they are commonly referred to in this part of the world, likes to be nowhere near Ponnaiya.

Now don’t jump to any hasty conclusions. Ponnaiya is as sweet a guy as guys can be made. He is not one of those somber people who grimace at below-the-belt- jokes. But, as I told you in the beginning, Ponnaiya is not a chap to have around when you are yielding to temptations that you cannot resist particularly those of the palate. He has this habit of hovering around buffet tables and warning you every time you pick up something to eat. He objects to anyone eating or drinking anything other than plain water! Take a stick of cheese and pineapple and pop it into your mouth and just as the cheese melts in your mouth creating a strong bond between your tongue and the roof of the mouth, Ponnaiya will be there to scream, “Do you know the cholesterol content of cheese? You have just had two months of your life knocked off your span!”

He knows how much fat can be added by a single piece of paneer tikka or potato bonda. He tells you that nothing can be a more fatal combination than French fries and scotch on the rocks. When you go near the platter of green salad, he shudders and reminisces about a chronic attack of amoebiosis that he had after consuming green salad in a star hotel. Dishes made out of root vegetables can trigger gas that can precipitate a heart attack. He goes on and on about everything that is there in the lavish spread. He keeps count of the number of drinks that everyone has.

If threats of health do not scare you off, he tells you how his friend got arrested for drunken driving after a weekend party and how he had to languish in jail because no bail could be arranged as the courts were closed for the weekend. Ponnaiya does all this because of his extreme concern for others. He strongly believes that what is not good for him is not good for others as well. Very laudable, you may say, that he should take such personal interest in everyone around him and I bet you say so because you are not one of the sufferers like me.

Maybe it is unfair to call him a dog in the manger for we know it will be unfair to the dog unless we know what motivates the dog to adopt such an attitude. Ponnaiya has become such a legend that whenever a tight fisted chap hosts a dinner, he invariably invites him as the Chief Guest. The Ponnaiya effect can save him half the cost!

Dear Sri,
First I go with my observations !
Your sense of humour is just beyond my imagination – you say, a simple spark in a post blew up so much, so enjoyably too !
You write

as sweet a guy as guys can be made

This is the first time I am hearing of this highly imaginative comparison. Well, I accept it for the time being because, so far, you have been a sweet guy in this forum.

You call Ponnaiya, a dog in the manger – I prefer to use a less sophisticated term “kill-joy”. I think, he is just that.

I now think pitifully of his wife !
He may refuse to buy more than 1 kg oil, for a family of four, for the whole month !
Ghee – an emphatic “no”.
He may ration out sugar and salt, to rule out hypertension and diabetes. Potatoes – tabooed for reasons of weight and gas producing nature.
Tomatoes, likely to produce kidney stones if used with seeds.
Bananas consumed everyday will push up the weight.
Rice, our staple diet has nothing but carbohydrates.
Chapathis with their fibrous nature, are not easy on your digestion.
Maida – absolutely no nutrition at all.
Coconut? – personification of cholestrol !

Poor lady, what does she cook at all ?

I now think, whenever he leaves the house for one of the parties, the family will gorge on goodies that are tabooed by him and wipe the place clean, without leaving a trace, before he steps back into the house.

When he is around, it will be idlis, oil less kal dosai, menniyai pidikkara oil-free upma, vazai thandu, poosanikkai and such varieties now called, the ideal diet.

God bless his wife and family with more patience and tolerance !

Love,
Chithra.

Dear Cheeniya sir,

That was hilarious.....really i a know that i will not be there anyhwere near him, if i want to enjoy what i am eating! Of course he is trying to protect everyone....but tell me does he eat at all or he eats but the advises are only for others!?

I know of a man typically like this one here, a friends husbby, and we all keep out of his clutches ...he is all the time advising , be it foods or anything else....but the wife always complains what a bore he is , and "kill joy"( using Chitra's term!)....BUT he never follows what he preaches!

But like u said i am sure the Host will be happy!

dear Chitra,
That was hilarious...good rejoinder to Cheeniya's ramblings....what a list you have prepared.....i hope Ponnaiya doesn't see this....if he did not know any point he will take it from here and start off all over again! HA HA HA!

Dear sir,
This is a serious as well as a funny issue.If he attends parties,hosts gets benefitted. .But others must have patience.For me he sounds like "Ambi character in the Film Anniyan acted by Vikram".(just joking)
(if any body happens to watch the movie you may understand)
But rarely some people are such that.It is something to do Psychologically.

Dear Cheeniya sir (Cheeniya of his own sub-forum fame),

Amazing and amusing- how any passing reference in a FB can trigger off a piece by you!! I must say, it is quite becoming a personal challenge, how to infuse something in my reply, such that Cheeniya is inspired??

Another nice piece. Has the right Cheeniya identifiers- crisp, amusing, down to earth, and then no malice, no patronising.

Ponniya, Ponniya,Ponniya- well,it does take all kinds to make a world,doesn't it? One cannot dislike him though he seems to be a party pooper. These types seem to be motivated by a universal sense of know-all and responsibility- if they do not inform the errant party animal of the perils of a Grappa and Gouda lethal combo - the animal would perish instantly.

But it is irritating to get such advice, especially when one is at a cocktail or bash. Actually it is irritating to be given constant advice on well-being and conduct, be it home, school or even IL. But the thing is, we cannot avoid the moral, health police, so best is to ginore them. I guess you already say that is what happens to the likes of Ponniya. Auto-filters set in instantly--

Good again, sir and looking forward to more.

regards
Vidya

Hi sir
I wondered to see a post, which is inspired by me....
I am very glad to see this...
Anyways, now I am happy that ur posts are made in a sub-forum...
Otherwise, I would have missed this too...
From today onwards, can directly jump to this forum, and can read what all I didnt read....
Thats great...
And coming to this post, its really a good way to give narration about such people...


Gayathri.

Dear Chithra
Shall we say humour begets humour? This is my holy mission in IL to keep people in good humour! No malice, no illwill, no tensions, no controversies but pure unadulterated fun and joy as the PGW's novels!
Coming back to Ponniah, his wife Priya is diametrically oppsite She belongs to the School of Thought which preaches "Eat what you want and let the food fight it out inside!" She plays treasure-hunt daily with her children, the objects being hidden are as deadly as cyanide fron Ponniah's point of view! Swiss Chocolates, craft cheese, premium nuts and what have you!
Priya doesn't stop with that. She doesn't allow her hubby to touch even the items of food that he considers the safest pointing out the deadly nature of such items!
Pays him back by the same coin, would you say?
Sri

Dear Sudha
I love people who do not follow what they preach. Your friend's hubby is my kinda man! Ponnaiya practises to the dot what he preaches at least in eating. They even try to reason out with him telling him what is the use of living a hundred years when you cant eat what you want. They even tell him that more people die of accidents than of eating what they want but all these arguments cut no ice with him!
The worsr is that God has blessed him with the sight of an eagle! He can spot what someone is eating 100 yards away!
different strokes, Sudha!
Sri

Dear Vidya
I entirely agree with what you say about moral police and I detest their presence anywhere. I strongly feel that the people who don the role of moral police are those who have missed out on several beautiful aspects of life and so cannot stand others having a go at them! They are, as you rightly say, best ignored.
Sri