The history of 'bride seeing' ceremony!

Kalidasa, one of the most celebrated poets that the country has produced, was known as the King of metaphors and similes. His Raghuvamsam and Meghaduta were part of my syllabus in my Degree course. There is one simile in Raghuvamsam that I can never forget. The scene is Indumathi’s Swayamvar. All the princes are lined up in breathtaking attires. Indhumathi walks down the aisle with a garland in her hand. As she passes each prince, his face lights up with the hope that he would be the chosen one. The moment she crosses him, his face darkens with utter disappointment. Kalidasa likens the princes to a row of houses on a dimly lit street where a bright light is carried through. As the light is in front of each house, it is illuminated brightly but as the light moves on, the house is plunged into darkness again.

Sita’s swayamvar in Valmiki Ramayan is bereft of such colourful expressions as Kalidasa revels in, as the emphasis is more on Rama breaking the Shiv Dhanus. But the same scene is depicted more colorfully in Kamba Ramayanam. The ‘Annalum nokkinan, avalum nokkinaal’ line establishes love at first sight. It also establishes that eyes are better communicators of love than oral expressions. They have to be necessarily so. When the eyes are without love, the spoken words communicating love can just be prosaic.

Draupathi’s swayamvar is more in keeping with the times to follow. Arjuna walks away with Draupathi winning the archer’s competition with ridiculous ease. But the young Arjuna with his typical boyish enthusiasm yells from the doors of his palace, “Mummy! Look what I have brought!” and the fair-minded Kunthi shouts back from inside, “whatever it is, you brothers share it among yourself!” And thus Draupathi weds all the five brothers and becomes the first case of polyandry!

The time-honoured practice of Swayamvar is the fore runner of the ‘bride seeing’ ceremony in later years with this difference that instead of the bride going around with a garland in a Swayamvar, here the bridegroom visits bride after bride before selecting one finally. Even this bride seeing ceremony has undergone a lot of changes subsequently. I remember going around as a young lad with my maternal uncle on his bride seeing spree. He saw around thirty girls and finally selected the very first one he saw! The quantity of ‘Sojji and Bajji’ that were consumed in these thirty visits was considerably more than what would be consumed in a Temple after the Deeparadhana!

The bride seeing ceremony of my uncle took place more than 50 years back and I have been part of this procedure down the years. I can tell you that the one thing that was constant in all these visits was the menu of Sojji and plantain bajji. I browsed through several websites including Wikepedia to find out the origin of this menu of Sojji and Bajji at bride-seeing ceremonies but couldn’t find a plausible answer. The rest of the routine namely a namaskaram by the girl, a song rendered by her (which is usually ‘Yaaro Ivar yaaro!), serving of Sojji and Bajji followed by ‘degree’ coffee and finally the leave taking with the customary words, ‘We’ll write to you as soon as we get back home!’

Unlike my uncle, I married the very first girl I saw! My bride seeing ceremony was almost similar to the time-honoured practice including the S and B. To my utter surprise, my DW did not sing the prescribed composition of ‘Yaaro ivar yaaro’ but a heart-melting ‘Unnai Saran adainthen!’ (I have surrendered to you!) After the first line, the whole family led by my MIL joined her in the singing reminding me of the Bahula Panchami Day at the Thyagaraja Aradhana when all the singers join in the singing of Pancharathna Kritis! The whole family singing ‘I have surrendered to you’ moved me beyond words and I had great difficulty in suppressing my tears. The last straw was my FIL telling me how he hoodwinked the municipality with a one-inch underground pipeline to ensure copious water supply for the family. When he opened the tap to prove his statement, I got frightened by a terrible hissing noise followed by a furious spray of water that drenched me completely. I knew instantly that it would be foolish not to get married into a family headed by such a genius and I mumbled a ‘yes’ at the bathroom itself!

Of course, I could go on tracing the history down to the bride seeing ceremony of my daughters but knowing that most of you belong to their age group, I realise that it would be like carrying coal to New Castle!

Dear Cheeniya
That was a wonderful history of bride seeing through the years.
Enjoyed your part of bride hunting too.
But coming to today's ceremony. I think it has changed a lot now a days kids want to chosse they own after have a good chat with them and knowing each other well before getting married.
About finding our the origin of S and B menu I am sure Chitra will come down with a nice answer with all the details.

Fantastic post, Cheeniya Sir!!

I am still laughing as I try to imagine the drenching ceremony that you had to undergo
Glad that you married the first lady you penn-paarthu-fied. I suppose you and mami are made for each other :)

Sojji and Bajji ...hahahahhaa....standard menu indeed. But why?
I am thinking of sthg really really wacky here...perhaps the girls' parents wanted to test the appetite and diabetes-cholestrol level of the boy + his side by offering these dishes.
The more these are eaten - the higher is the indication that the boy's family are foody types :)
The less either / both of these are eaten - perhaps there is a genetic issue of diabetes and cholestrol running in the boys' side

I wonder if this particular combination of items was specified in any of our scriptures as part of the marriage formalities :)

Thanks and love
Pavithra

Originally Posted by Arunarc

Dear Cheeniya
That was a wonderful history of bride seeing through the years.
Enjoyed your part of bride hunting too.
But coming to today's ceremony. I think it has changed a lot now a days kids want to chosse they own after have a good chat with them and knowing each other well before getting married.
About finding our the origin of S and B menu I am sure Chitra will come down with a nice answer with all the details.

Dear Aruna
The old fashioned bride seeing ceremony has now been consigned to history and it is a great pity. It used to be such fun watching the girl's relatives going all out to please the guests! But your faith in the Master Chef of the Community is amazing. I know she writes good recipes but I never knew she could trace the history of the traditional items to their origin!
Sri

Dear Cheeniya Sir,

i enjoyed this bride seeking post specially Arjuna saying"mummy look what i have brought" and then s and b description, but i never heard of the songs that to be sung by the girl....This bride seeking is troublesome now a days people register on some websites and things turn out to be totally different that what you see...and many search not only thirty or forty but their continues for years and years i know someone who searched for seven years and finally married a girl from our locality...
regards,
Padma

Originally Posted by mkthpavi

Fantastic post, Cheeniya Sir!!

I am still laughing as I try to imagine the drenching ceremony that you had to undergo
Glad that you married the first lady you penn-paarthu-fied. I suppose you and mami are made for each other :)

Sojji and Bajji ...hahahahhaa....standard menu indeed. But why?
I am thinking of sthg really really wacky here...perhaps the girls' parents wanted to test the appetite and diabetes-cholestrol level of the boy + his side by offering these dishes.
The more these are eaten - the higher is the indication that the boy's family are foody types :)
The less either / both of these are eaten - perhaps there is a genetic issue of diabetes and cholestrol running in the boys' side

I wonder if this particular combination of items was specified in any of our scriptures as part of the marriage formalities :)

Thanks and love
Pavithra

Dear Pavithra
That is a very clever explanation of S and B as the standard menu. You may be right there too! Bajji is a luxury that cholesterol watchers can ill afford to indulge in and Sojji will unmask all the diabetics. Why didn't I think of this simple explanation?
I really thought that Sojji was served to make the boy tongue tied. I remember that the Sojji served in most of the houses during my uncle's visits for seeing the bride had high adhesiveness and it was an effort uttering even a single word with the stuff making the tongue stick to the roof of the mouth!
Sri

Oh God :) my imaginations are running wild...the boys being tongue-tied by sticky sojjii
hahahahahahahhahahahah

:)))

Dear Sri,
Your post is not just humorous, but absolutely hilarious !
Let me tell you - S & B may sound stale, routine etc. But just think - how, many people specialise in making gummy upma & how, sojji made by many ladies, get stuck in the throat. They try to add more ghee - but the downward journey from the mouth is still sticky.
Tell me, how many ladies make real crip, but non-oily bajjis ! Bajji making, sounding seemingly simple is far from easy.I can write so much about S & B - knowing your nature (loving to eat, but not discussing recipes or giving links!) I will not do so.
S-B sccessfully made & presented reveals to the boy's family so much about the bride's family, whether they indulge (S overflowing ghee & B with oil), are tight fisted (gummy sojji & kadak mudak bajji) , how they present.....the list is long. Cashews should be casually seen in S & not mask the entire contents.Bajjis should be presented in 2,3 varieties, not just the long space-occupying vazaikkai bajji to fill up a plate.
For our peN-parkum padalam, I was ready with the song "Kaanak kaN kOdi vendum" !
But Vish being Vish, did not even look to see where I was - concentrating only on S- B.
For my daughter, after the "girl-seeing", my DIL wanted to take her upstairs & talk to her. Both came down, full of smiles, thank God not hand in hand, which might have shocked my puritan husband.
But when we went to see a bride for my son, my DIL insisted, keeping her car-key in hand that she wanted Kumar to come with her for a drive to discuss certain issues!!
Ithu eppadi irukku??
By the way, you had mentioned in your last thread that your MIL is right now in your house. Beware of repercussions if your wife reads this post. You "will have it", undoubtedly, in large measure!!
Love,
Chithra.

Dear Sri,
I was after reading you post.Only "you" can come up with topics like this and giving a wiki search for sojji and bhajji.You have made a great research and analysis about swayamvarams.You bride hunting padalam with your uncle was finally over with 30 girls ?Thank god.I pity you as a lad those days; for you had to stuff yourself with sojji and bhajji at every house .

You bride seeing ceremony and the encounter with your FIL - my.. my.. I am not going to comment on this because i am aware that many of our Dear Ilites are your DW's best friends and i

Enjoyed reading every bit of your post.

Originally Posted by Chitvish

Dear Sri,
Your post is not just humorous, but absolutely hilarious !
Let me tell you - S & B may sound stale, routine etc. But like how many people specialise in making gummy upma, sojji made by many ladies, get stuck in the throat. They try to add more ghee - but the downward journey from the mouth is still sticky.
Tell me, how many ladies make real crip, but non-oily bajjis ! Bajji making, sounding seemingly simple is far from easy.I can write so much about S & B - knowing your nature (loving to eat, but not discussing recipes or giving links!) I will not do so.
S-B sccessfully made & presented reveals to the boy's family so much about the bride's family, whether they indulge (S overflowing ghee & B with oil), are tight fisted (gummy sojji & kadak mudak bajji) , how they present.....the list is long. Cashews should be casually seen in S & not mask the entire contents.Bajjis should be presented in 2,3 varieties, not just the long space-occupying vazaikkai bajji to fill up a plate.
For our peN-parkum padalam, I was ready with the song "Kaanak kaN kOdi vendum" !
But Vish being Vish, did not even look to see where I was - concentrating only on S- B.
For my daughter, after the "girl-seeing", my DIL wanted to take her upstairs & talk to her. Both came down, full of smiles, thank God not hand in hand, which might have shocked my puritan husband.
But when we went to see a bride for my son, my DIL insisted, keeping her car-key in hand that she wanted Kumar to come with her for a drive to discuss certain issues!!
Ithu eppadi irukku??
By the way, you had mentioned in your last thread that your MIL is right now in your house. Before of repercussions if your wife reads this post. You "will have it", undoubtedly, in large measure!!
Love,
Chithra.

Dear Chithra
That was quite a thesis on S and B. Will recommend to Induslady for conferment of Doctorate on you! But it is hard to believe that Vish attacked the S and B without any other thought. I have had a few lunch outings with him during my Bank days and he hardly seemed the 'attacking' type. I have seen him being very gentle even while crushing the appalam with his eyes conveying deep anguish at what he had to do. He is far too gentle to fit into your description.
If my MIL reads my post, she would probably tell me that they all had to join in the singing because my DW knew only the first line! You would say that it is proof of their resourcefulness! Like your having an explanation if the Sojji is dry or if it contains too much ghee or swathed in cashew nuts or very adhesive or insipid tasting whatever!
Probably explains why Vish has assumed the attitude of Lord Dakshinamoorthy!
Sri