The history of 'bride seeing' ceremony!

Dearest Cheeniya Sir,

I made it! I made it this time! Like I have said before, your posts attract such instant and such an overwhelming number of FBs that if I am not able to write and FB right there and then, then the task of writing an FB becomes very daunting for me as I like to go through all the FBs and then reply. Today my stars seem perfectly aligned!

What a way to start my day! With a smile, a laugh and some nice memories of the past. Loved your narration of this tradition has been carried forward generation after generation and with little change. Well, slight changes have happened along the way and things seem to have become more liberal with each generation, but the essence remains the same.

Very nice to read about your bride seeing ceremony. Being the simple man you are, I can imagine you feeling emotional when your wife’s family joined her in rendering the song. And you are right about the menu, it has pretty much has stayed the same over the years! I have also felt that it tastes so much more delicious in that setup-up! Something to do with the ambience?!

The bride seeing ceremony for me was similar to this traditional one with slight differences. My parents and I went to meet my now husband and his family at one of their relatives place. My husband who was returning from the US had “short-listed” about a dozen or more girls as prospective “candidates”! We were to meet them on a weekday, which was a working day for me. So I asked my Dad to call them and request them to change the day to a weekend. Well, that meant my husband would have to meet me the day he was returning from the US, jet-lagged and all. They relented to our request. We went there and after the customary generic conversation between the families, husband and I walked into another room for a long chat. Given that both of us like to talk, the chat started from what our hobbies are and ended at how Mumbai is getting so crowded with! Basically, we went on and on. So much so that the other “candidate” had already arrived with her family! It was hilarious and I am sure quite embarrassing for my husband and his family.

After meeting all the girls on the list, he asked to meet me again to ask what I thought about him. Well, the one thing I remembered clearly about our first and only meeting was the ease with which I was able to talk to him about everything under the sun. For me, that was what did it. It will be 11 years this year and much to my good fortune, this part still remains the same.

Thoroughly enjoyed reading your post Cheeniya Sir and also enjoyed writing such a long FB!

SS

PS : I started out writing when there was not a single FB posted. I already see 8 now!

Originally Posted by aishu22

Dear Sri,
I was after reading you post.Only "you" can come up with topics like this and giving a wiki search for sojji and bhajji.You have made a great research and analysis about swayamvarams.You bride hunting padalam with your uncle was finally over with 30 girls ?Thank god.I pity you as a lad those days; for you had to stuff yourself with sojji and bhajji at every house .

You bride seeing ceremony and the encounter with your FIL - my.. my.. I am not going to comment on this because i am aware that many of our Dear Ilites are your DW's best friends and i

Enjoyed reading every bit of your post.

Dear Aishu
Seeing that you enjoyed reading this post, I am tempted write next about the four-day weddings of the past compared to the mini ceremonies of today. The difference is like between writing a long letter and sending a SMS!
I love Sojji and always looked forward to my uncle's bride-seeing ceremonies. I had a standing arrangement with him for swapping my Bajji with his Sojji!
My FIL was a great man(not in size) How much I miss him now! He used to be my only sympathiser when I was at the receiving end! He would tell me, 'Dont worry Mappille! Vettukku veedu vaasappadi!'
Sri

Cheeniya sir
A very interesting write up on a thriving topic.
Whatever be the modern trends adopted in " bride seeing" these days,still it is mandatory.

In my opinion, those were the days of bliss where the groom nodded in agreement if the parents were happy with the girl and her family.He did not have too many personal demands and conditions.It was just a formality... seeing the girl just for the sake of it.

Sir, I was told by my grandparents that there once existed a custom where the bride and groom met only on the day of wedding.They even jokingly commented...that if they had been given a chance to voice their choice, most people would have fled the marriage scene. Such was the pairing - dark vs fair, short vs tall ... the list is endless.

In my case the reverse happened.. I came over to Chennai to see my husband ,then an NRI since he was on a flying visit to chennai.We were engaged in 3 days flat.

Regards
Honeybee

Originally Posted by soaringspirit

Dearest Cheeniya Sir,

I made it! I made it this time! Like I have said before, your posts attract such instant and such an overwhelming number of FBs that if I am not able to write and FB right there and then, then the task of writing an FB becomes very daunting for me as I like to go through all the FBs and then reply. Today my stars seem perfectly aligned!

What a way to start my day! With a smile, a laugh and some nice memories of the past. Loved your narration of this tradition has been carried forward generation after generation and with little change. Well, slight changes have happened along the way and things seem to have become more liberal with each generation, but the essence remains the same.

Very nice to read about your bride seeing ceremony. Being the simple man you are, I can imagine you feeling emotional when your wife’s family joined her in rendering the song. And you are right about the menu, it has pretty much has stayed the same over the years! I have also felt that it tastes so much more delicious in that setup-up! Something to do with the ambience?!

The bride seeing ceremony for me was similar to this traditional one with slight differences. My parents and I went to meet my now husband and his family at one of their relatives place. My husband who was returning from the US had “short-listed” about a dozen or more girls as prospective “candidates”! We were to meet them on a weekday, which was a working day for me. So I asked my Dad to call them and request them to change the day to a weekend. Well, that meant my husband would have to meet me the day he was returning from the US, jet-lagged and all. They relented to our request. We went there and after the customary generic conversation between the families, husband and I walked into another room for a long chat. Given that both of us like to talk, the chat started from what our hobbies are and ended at how Mumbai is getting so crowded with! Basically, we went on and on. So much so that the other “candidate” had already arrived with her family! It was hilarious and I am sure quite embarrassing for my husband and his family.

After meeting all the girls on the list, he asked to meet me again to ask what I thought about him. Well, the one thing I remembered clearly about our first and only meeting was the ease with which I was able to talk to him about everything under the sun. For me, that was what did it. It will be 11 years this year and much to my good fortune, this part still remains the same.

Thoroughly enjoyed reading your post Cheeniya Sir and also enjoyed writing such a long FB!

SS

PS : I started out writing when there was not a single FB posted. I already see 8 now!

Dear SS
In the true Wodehousian style, I would like to ask you, 'To what do I owe the honour of your long and beautiful FB?'
From what my grandma told me about her bride-seeing ceremony to what you tell me of your own, I can see that it is not a generation gap but a generation canyon! I believe that in days of yore, the boy never saw the girl and it was only his kith and kin that did the actual seeing on his behalf. If they wanted the negotiations to proceed positively, they told the boy and the girl stories about one to the other that would make Nala and Damayanthi pale into insignificance. If the reality had not an iota of resemblance to what they were told, they came to know of it only at the wedding ceremony when it was too late for them to do anything about it. They just grinned and bore it!
Just another thought occurred to me now about this Sojji and Bajji. Could it have been to tell the prospective couple that their entire married life should be in perfect rhythm like S and B? Who knows? But I can definitely say one thing. Because of this time-honoured custom, S and B continue to hold the Guinness Record for being the most consumed items till now!
Sri

Originally Posted by honeybee

Cheeniya sir
A very interesting write up on a thriving topic.
Whatever be the modern trends adopted in " bride seeing" these days,still it is mandatory.

In my opinion, those were the days of bliss where the groom nodded in agreement if the parents were happy with the girl and her family.He did not have too many personal demands and conditions.It was just a formality... seeing the girl just for the sake of it.

Sir, I was told by my grandparents that there once existed a custom where the bride and groom met only on the day of wedding.They even jokingly commented...that if they had been given a chance to voice their choice, most people would have fled the marriage scene. Such was the pairing - dark vs fair, short vs tall ... the list is endless.

In my case the reverse happened.. I came over to Chennai to see my husband ,then an NRI since he was on a flying visit to chennai.We were engaged in 3 days flat.

Regards
Honeybee

Dear Honeybee
Long time no see!
Your grandparents were right. In their times, it was a question of 'Manaivi Amaivadellam Iraivan Kodutha varam' (Getting a good wife is the blessing of God!). They just resigned themselves to whatever was in store for them but then there were not many bad marriages since the elders who fixed the alliance took so many things into consideration!
Honestly, such a blind plunge into matrimony gave them the adaptability to sink their incompatabilities and concentrate on building up a harmonious relationship. It also became necessary to be so as they had no way to escape the bondage. It was not as if every couple of yore had a perfect partner in each other. They just worked towards such perfection assiduously.
Sri

Dear Cheeniya Sir,

A wonderful post. The S&B reminds of my dad's comments. For his ponnu parkum padalam, while he was eating Sojji, my thatha asked him "Pidichurukka?" and he thought that it was for the Sojji and said "Yes". They thought that he liked the girl and thats how he married my mom. My mom too sang the same song "Yaaro Ivar YAaro". But mine was completely different.

Both me and my husband used to work in the same organisation, and when he came for girl seeing, we ended up discussion a lot about our job than anything else. We went on for hours and my MIL had to budge in and say that it was more than 2 hrs that we were chatting. Now it is 12 years after marriage (celebrating our 12th anniv on Monday) but do not work in the same office now.

Anu

Dear Cheeniya,

What a hilarious post including all your replies.....such humour that i am sitting here laughing all alone! Loved the way you started on Kalidasa's immortals....you took me back to my college days too, enjoying all the lovely sanskrit verses and their interpretations. I enjoyed all the swayamvaram details , but i wonder if i will be able to make up my mind after looking at all of them just once! (anyway why have wishful thinking, my time has long gone for that! have to see if something like that can be done for my vayasuuku vanda daughterkku! ) By the way in the days of yore was this S and B in existence.....Who made them and Who got to eat them i wonder!?
But your latest expalnation on Sand B being equated to Bride and BRidegroom....well now make yourself clear....who is S and Who is B!

I am still chuckling about the Tongue sticking sojji given to Maapillai , and Vish's expression when he gently broke the appalam( absolutely imaginatively, hilarious!) and your saying Yes after the hiss and gushing water, not to mention the chorus singing , everyone surrendering to you! Poor you where did you have a chance!
Excellent piece of writing, dripping with humour
( reminded me of S and B, will have to dig into the Chef'S recipe section again.....so loong since i have had it!)

Dear Sri
Very nice topic and your style of elucidation is a lesson for me (taking notes ).
Not a surprise really! I think like all other customs Sojji and Bajji have evolved over time.. Even during my time , there were less formalities.. And usually for the most part no last line and usually formalities discussed then only.. Your mention of the song and the bathroom absolutely hilarious..
I totally agree with you about Mr.Vish and "crushing" appalam..if you remember, I had already mentioned his "deiveka kalai".. Now I understand why Mr.V has assumed the attitude of Dakshinamoorthy.. Truly he was a "Deerka Darshi" (forgive spelling mistake) He probably could foresee his FUTURE ahead of him and thought he should get a good head start and focus on the sojji and bhajji.. maybe I will go a step further (dare I?!) and say he made no mention of how OILY the bhajji was! Even back then he knew what to say and what Not.. A great person.. By default you are too by association ofcourse..Wonder if the default theory applies to Madam (NOOOO:)

Ugh, AC - Happy??
Today is thursday - Mrs Sri was telling me that Sri had gone to see Sivan, sorry Dakshinamurthy & that he was carrying a mini vilvam tree as his offering !!
So, Sri is in Dakshinamurthy mood - both in Gita thread & here.
Oily bajji from me? - my dear poor girl, my bajji recipe is fool-proof. With your time eternally spent on dieting and the remaining time between dieting sprees in cakes & chips, where would you have tried delicacies like bajji, that I have given in great detail!
V's comments about food are interesting - he will, one day, suddenly comment, "inime nee enna panNare, adutha masathilendu, masandira samaanle uppu aLavai padiyai kuRaikkiRe" - that day there might have been (only) a dash of salt extra in just one item !
Sri, so, your fan says, you are great only by association, by default etc... Ithu ungaLukku thevaiyaa?
AC, the same theory does not apply to me - I am not great by association or by being married to a "great person with so called deivika kaLai". I am great in my own right!!! Dare you disagree in IL??
No Love,
Chithra.

Originally Posted by anukvs

Dear Cheeniya Sir,

A wonderful post. The S&B reminds of my dad's comments. For his ponnu parkum padalam, while he was eating Sojji, my thatha asked him "Pidichurukka?" and he thought that it was for the Sojji and said "Yes". They thought that he liked the girl and thats how he married my mom. My mom too sang the same song "Yaaro Ivar YAaro". But mine was completely different.

Both me and my husband used to work in the same organisation, and when he came for girl seeing, we ended up discussion a lot about our job than anything else. We went on for hours and my MIL had to budge in and say that it was more than 2 hrs that we were chatting. Now it is 12 years after marriage (celebrating our 12th anniv on Monday) but do not work in the same office now.

Anu

Dear Anu
What a gutsy man your dad is! Nearly 80% of his peers would have said 'yes' under similar circumstances but would they admit it? No way! In fact, after reading your FB, I also understand the purpose of serving Sojji on such occasions.
My advance congratulations to you on your 12th wedding anniversary! May God bless you and your family with all the very best.
Husband and wife working for the same institution is something to be encouraged because that will help the couple to divert each other's attention when the going gets tough at home!
Sri