The much maligned Idiot Box!

Are you one of those who is forever armed with a TV remote like John Wayne toting a gun in any classic western? Do you flip channels at lightening speed trying to see simultaneously half a dozen channels? Do you mute the sound whenever an ad break comes on? If your answer is ‘yes’ to any or all of the above questions, then it is my duty to inform you that you are missing out on something that is very essential to our domestic happiness. Many people consider the ad breaks as some kind of an avoidable nuisance and skip seeing the advertisements without realizing that they may be missing some stark home truths. The fact is that the TV ads are not only aimed at selling products but also show us the way to total conjugal bliss.

I am sure that you have noticed how happy are the couples and families that figure in TV ads. There are no over-stressed husbands or harassed wives, mils and dils have a jolly good relationship and kids are so smart that they are forever a source of inspiration for the elders. Have you ever wondered what is it that makes them click gloriously? Have you compared yourself with them and seen where you have gone wrong? I may tell you that if you spend half as much time as I spend watching these TV ads, all these questions about errant husbands, nagging wives, overbearing mils et al will be instantly answered. If only you can follow their examples, your family life will be all joy and mirth!

Traditionally the women are told that the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Taking this advice to heart, I have seen some women going out of the way to produce some out of the world food and invariably get shattered by the heavy snoring of their overfed hubbies! That hackneyed route to a man’s heart was possibly effective when men were overly fond of wives who could cook well. They had no other expectations of their wives than seeing them locked up in the kitchen virtually turning out some new mouth-watering item or other incessantly. But the modern wives, particularly if they are office going too, can hardly find time to indulge their husbands in this time-honoured culinary game! If this results in mutual apathy, an alternative way must be found to maintain the family cordiality and happiness in top gear. This is where the TV ads come handy.

Experts now agree that if hearts are full, stomachs may not make much of a demand. Alternative routes to heart have already been found and the most important of them is washing. Every wife ought to know that nothing pleases a husband more than being given a spotlessly clean dress to wear. I am not suggesting that you should follow your husband wherever he goes scrubbing his collar like Boman Irani being pursued vigorously by his wife in train, restaurants, and even while having his shoes polished on the Mumbai footpath! All you need to do is to get hold of a washing machine that can wash and dry a shirt spotlessly clean in five minutes after the hubby dear spills some ketchup on his shirt at the breakfast table. What should the hubby do in return? Knowing how emotionally his wife handles the washing of his clothes and is justifiably proud of the fact that the cleanest shirt in town is worn by her hubby, he should give her one more chance for encore by pouring ketchup again on his shirt front on his way to office. This will ensure an emotional bonding between the couple as is seen between Kajol and Ajay Devgun!

A word for those who perform their morning chores like brushing the teeth listlessly like a zombie. Every little daily chore has immense possibilities for forging family unity and joy. Try assembling everyone for a joint brushing of teeth and at the end of it, blow your mint flavoured breath around and watch how ecstatic everyone becomes! If the wife feeds her hubby some energy giving food stuff, he should display his sudden surge of energy by lifting his wife off her feet and do a waltz or two while the enraptured kids clap their hands joyfully. These ads tell us how every little thing like choosing a toilet soap, cooking medium, salt, dhall, atta can build up relationships if everyone in the family including the servant is involved in the process. The parents ought to know that the dyeing of their greying hair will make their son a favourite of his teacher and classmates!

I can go on and on but knowing that you have got the gist of what I am trying to tell you I’ll stop here. I do hope that the next time you are in front of the Idiot Box, I want you to know what a misnomer it is! It is indeed anything but idiot. It promotes more peace among the members of family than any Nobel Peace Laureate would have ever done.

Dear Cheeniya sir
Thank God I am not the one in front of the idiot box. But most of the time on the net........
Hahahaha nice one a way to the man's heart is through his stomach.........but over feeding them and making them to go off to sleep...........no way i think enough food to keep them active sounds great.
A wonderful write like the others I am a regular reader of your article but I know not a regular fb in your posts.
I think we can spend more time with the family then spending sitting in front of that idiot box....

Dear Sri,
Absolutely enjoyable post - none to beat you, my friend!

Pampering husband
Children winning laurels forever
Cooking in a matter of minutes
Praise for whatever we cook
"Cootchi-cooing" over tea with the spouse
A great adoring family
Gifts galore starting from one crore villa
Banks to offer loans at your doorstep
Flights that cost you a single rupee
Biggest car at lowest rates
Own luxury flat in a posh locality

Our life is over happily with all these & more if we watch every advertisement in the TV breaks!!

I am a great fan of TV advts & really appreciate the brains behind them. The new Vodafone one - "Happy to help you" - is so delightful to watch.
Generally people skip the advts during breaks, I skip the programmes, but never the advts!!
Love,
Chithra.

Hello Cheeniya sir,

I am also of the opinion that TV is not an Idiot Box. The advertisements and the programmes are mostly informative. Just consider, so many ladies and elderly people( not you) who do not have the time or inclination to read newspapers or magzines also get information from TV. They may just listen to the advt.s, news or any other programmes. So three cheers for TV- also my intitals, remember?

Regards,

Abha.

Dear Cheeniya Sir,

This post is definitely a double treat. One because it is a complete entertainer.. And two and most importantly this post gets you the century!!

I do not get much time to sit in front of th idiot box , so I am saved most of the time but for the news which is a must. And a recent news item in one channels gave my hubby and me a tough time. The news was about a father investing money in buying a piece of land on the moon(?).Yes thats right , the Moon, as a different gift for his daughters wedding. Now can you imagine the brigade of prospective grooms outside his house for his daughters hand . Well I guess many want to settle on the moon, they are probably done with the earth. Now the impact of this news was such that my daughter who is all excited about her b'day on 21st June very innocently announced ,'Dad, I too want a place on the moon'. My husband was trying to explain to her all the negatives factors of the moon , one being that the hair wouldnt be in place and would keep flying around like Makadi, but to no avail. Well she wants the moon.The Moon!! "Her Dad is gifting her and Dads will not gift something bad ! It will be nice to play on the moon" ,according to her.


Next it gives me a terrible complex , well i would like to look presentable most of the times but beats me how these women look so spic and span after slogging in the kitchen and getting the yummiest of dishes on the table. I cook a decent meal and by the time the table is spread ,I look like I have been hit by a hurricane!

Have you watched these ads of mosquito mats. Well these heroines are always smiling in their sleep once the mat is on.... Smiling beauties. But smiling in their sleep??. Reminds me of watching the song 'Chandan san badan ,chanchal chithvan' as a kid ,in which Nutan was smiling constantly in her sleep and asking Mom,'Mummy how come you dont sleep like her,Your mouth is open and you snore and look at her". Now I can imagine how my Mom would have been. I m now very conscious lest my daughter asks me the same.

Yes Sir this is a topic about which we can go on and on....
Lovely post , thoroughly enjoyed reading it and once again Congratulations on the great achievement!!

Love,
Your Mol

Dear Sri
Hats off to you for an extraordinarily narrated piece on an object thats in most households. introduced with so much humor...Great job:)
I will not be wrong in stating that you held the readers attention from start to finish.. the only area where I got sidetracked a little was the snoring hubby and the food ..I for a moment thought did I by any chance feed my husband Oats or kollu.. why this distrubance.. but anyways I'm now back on track and paying attention to your rambling..oops:)
I am one of those characters who love to watch ads..really.. Even if I dont watch the main i never miss the advertisements. so you're saying that I can improve my family life which henceforth would be all joy and mirth and I am headed towards conjugal bliss. really!! Lets see..
The average woman who is running harried between job and house and cooking and kids would still be happy to run to washer one more time to wash the mess that dear hubby created..ooh..which world did you come from? ...as soon as our heroine sees another mess landing on her hubby's spotless clothes the din hits the roof top..after that u cannot but help watch poor hubby beating a quiet and hasty retreat.. so this is what u call conjugal bliss as each go their seperate way!
And what about your statements on toothbrush and zombie and walzing.. either the hubby should eat mountains of OATS to get that paranormal strength or wife needs to be thin like a reed not happening in my case:) But kudos for you for atleast trying.. Though I have said all the above in a lighter vein and just totally kidding (especially the OATS part:) I think you make a brilliant point onhow to bring about harmony in family while still watching the idiot box. My personal experience here would be to let the men decide WHAT to watch .. which is almost always Sports. Then they are happy.. and we get to watch the wonderful ads.. so we are happy.. And they have the remote control in their possession.. what more conjugal bliss can one as for?! Thank you idiot box:)

I am still rolling in laughter Cheeniya......since this is a topic close to my heart. It brought to my mind so many anecdotes connected to the ads....

After seeing the mixie ad which is supposed to be all silent, i forced hubby to carry one from India, and what do i get , nothing silent as depicted! And Hubby glares at me everytime i switch it on as he does not want to disturb neighbors!(it is worse than my older mixie!)
Not to mention the one on Microwave where Kajol dresses up accordingly and produces Dosas or Bhendis all from microwave....and I turned and smiled lovingly at hubby and asked him Please Get me This microwave next time from India and i will do all this as Kajol portrays! And i ran from that place before he decided to retort with a suitable reply!

I do mute the latest the ad on Indian Express.....gas one......first time was okay, but it gets annoying to hear it so often! (the noise i mean yuk!)

But i love all the vodafone ones, they come up with good ones.....
Like Chithra says i too love to watch the ads.....they seem to be changing every week and so interesting....and creative and shorter and sweeter than the serials in between which are boring, irritating and not at all good for retaining Harmony in a family!
And Congrats on the 100th thread being such a hilarious one......

Originally Posted by Arunarc

Dear Cheeniya sir
Thank God I am not the one in front of the idiot box. But most of the time on the net........
Hahahaha nice one a way to the man's heart is through his stomach.........but over feeding them and making them to go off to sleep...........no way i think enough food to keep them active sounds great.
A wonderful write like the others I am a regular reader of your article but I know not a regular fb in your posts.
I think we can spend more time with the family then spending sitting in front of that idiot box....

Dear Aruna
At last a feedback from you! A much awaited one!
Keeping a man active through enough food is a trial and error exercise. Too little can make him hyperactive while too much might put him to sleep. Again the same quantity of food might make him very active oneday but the same might put him to sleep on a holiday.
You say that spending more time with the family is better than sitting in front of the idiot box but if the entire family sits in front of TV, the only way you can spend time with them is join them!
Sri

Originally Posted by Chitvish

Dear Sri,
Absolutely enjoyable post - none to beat you, my friend!

Pampering husband
Children winning laurels forever
Cooking in a matter of minutes
Praise for whatever we cook
"Cootchi-cooing" over tea with the spouse
A great adoring family
Gifts galore starting from one crore villa
Banks to offer loans at your doorstep
Flights that cost you a single rupee
Biggest car at lowest rates
Own luxury flat in a posh locality

Our life is over happily with all these & more if we watch every advertisement in the TV breaks!!

I am a great fan of TV advts & really appreciate the brains behind them. The new Vodafone one - "Happy to help you" - is so delightful to watch.
Generally people skip the advts during breaks, I skip the programmes, but never the advts!!
Love,
Chithra.

Dear Chithra
Like the medicos taking the Hippocrates Oath, the Ad agencies also take an oath called Utopian Oath. This oath puts them under an obligation to bring Utopia within the reach of every TV viewer through their ads! Your list is a part of that oath!
The Vodafone 'Happy to help you' series is great stuff really, particularly the stamp licking puppie!
You are right about those ad breaks. I just love them. I watch them eagerly and mute the TV when the programme comes on!
Sri

Originally Posted by abhatv

Hello Cheeniya sir,

I am also of the opinion that TV is not an Idiot Box. The advertisements and the programmes are mostly informative. Just consider, so many ladies and elderly people( not you) who do not have the time or inclination to read newspapers or magzines also get information from TV. They may just listen to the advt.s, news or any other programmes. So three cheers for TV- also my intitals, remember?

Regards,

Abha.

Dear Abha
For your kind info, my initials are also TV! I am TV Srinivasan, TVS in short for my friends! But tell me , why do you exclude me from the elderly people? May be because, I have all the time for newspapers, magazines, TV and Internet!
Of course the ads are quite informative. They also tell us what not to buy at times!
Sri