An appalling crisis!

Cheeniya · Feb 9, 2008

It was a lazy Sunday morning, lazier than the usual. People who have retired from active life like me would know that Sundays had no special significance for them as it did in the case of working people. I was just weighing various options of killing the time when it struck me that I had not paid a visit to one of my very close friends for quite a while. Calling him my close friend is an understatement really for we are so close that his whole family treats me as one of them. The thought of visiting him dispelled my gloom instantly. I put on my best shirt and eased myself into my car to hasten to what I expected to be some unbounded jollity.

My pressing his calling bell did not produce the kind of instant result which was his hallmark. In fact, I had to buzz it a second time before the door opened reluctantly to let me in. When I entered his house, I was surprised to observe tension written large over everyone’s face which was quite unusual. I know them as a bunch of cheerful and jolly good people laughing and joking all the time. I was even more concerned to observe his only daughter standing in the corner of the drawing room crying inconsolably. She was such a fine, spirited and vivacious girl that everyone felt drawn to her instantly. Seeing this nice little girl crying like a child broke my heart. Being the man of the world that I was, I could immediately see what it was all about.

Priding myself for my uncanny ability to unravel domestic mysteries, I drew my friend aside and chided him for making such an issue of so common a thing. “A nice intelligent girl like your daughter couldn’t have made a wrong choice. Why don’t you see the boy first and talk to him before taking any further action?” I asked him adding that it might be one of those short-lived affairs that these modern girls were prone to have. “Give her time and she’ll get over it” I advised him.

My friend suddenly flared up. “Boy? What boy are you talking about?” he shouted in a quivering voice if shouting in a quivering voice could ever be possible. “What nonsense are you talking about?” he yelled to make his meaning clearer. I was not at all offended by his angry outburst for I knew instantly that I had no business to interfere with a family secret so directly however close I might be. I apologized profusely for my indiscretion but persisted with my harangue on how such sensitive matters should be dealt with.

Hearing my diatribe, my friend became red in the face. His wife held out an imploring hand and assured me that there was no love affair behind this family drama. “She wouldn’t dream of doing such a thing” was how the proud mother summed up her daughter’s sterling character. “No?” I asked incredulously, “then what is all this child bashing about?”

My friend heaved a sigh and informed me that his daughter has secured 92% in aggregate in the plus two examinations. Had she failed or scored around 60%, he would have been very happy for she could just continue her studies through some correspondence course with an obscure university. Having scored 92%, she would expect her father to secure her a seat for some professional course which meant nightmarish days ahead for my friend. He would have to run from pillar to post through the length and breadth of the country to find a professional college that would take her in. He would have to spend all his life’s savings on this chase alone greasing all and sundry besides finding an equally hefty resource to meet the cost of her education itself. Being a middleclass man, he was rattled about the burden that all this would place on his head. When he told me that she had so badly let him down by scoring 92% for all the love and affection he showered on her, my heart bled for the poor fellow. And when he broke down finally, my eyes became misty too!

PS: With the plus two exams round the corner, I have been pondering over the kind of trouble that middleclass families with bright children would have to face. Worse would be the nightmare if they belonged to a forward community! May God help those families through the crisis!

Vysan · Feb 9, 2008

Dear Sri,

What a crisis.... Yes for middle class forward community, if their kids secure 90+% the it becomes difficult.... I have seen in my own family.... My eldest sister secured University Rank and the University offered her Merit Scholarship for her Post Graduation.... My sister wanted to continue her studies.... But our family situation and then... If she studies PG, the the mappillai, vardatchanai etc. etc... So finally my sister has to forego her studies....

I always used to think.... IL is a great platform.... Why not people in IL join hands and form an association and help the deserved candidates.... A small amount from the members will go a long way for these kids studies....

What do you say....????

Veda

Jananikrithsan · Feb 9, 2008

Dear Sri,
Crisis indeed for so many families. These days most parents spend their savings either on professional courses or sending their kids abroad. How these kids who go there to an alien country and struggle is another story. Why should they be only doctors or engineers never ceases to baffle me. Take the instance of a medical student though they may be outstanding it takes them years to complete medicine, house surgency, specialisation. Only if they are from a family who can afford to set up a clinic or afford to send them abroad can she flourish, what otherwise?? Not all of them are failures, not all succeed. With due respects to all parents there are many other courses that can make the future of an young aspirant.. Iam not biased. But compared to the earlier days there are varied options now. The choice should be given to the person who has to study and the parents help them in deciding the best among the choices made
My thougts!!!

Cheeniya · Feb 9, 2008

Dear Veda
As you say, this is a common problem faced by most of the middleclass families. If the heads of such middleclass families are employed in reputed organisations, they may get help from such organisations under some scheme or other. But then such assistance may not cover even a fraction of the actual expenses. If the parents are self employed, they may not get even that.
As a finance man, I know how difficult it is to start a benevolent fund to help the needy. It may be beyond the scope of forums like IL. But the best we can do here is to compile a list of such organisations worldwide and furnish the same here so that needy ILites may be able to get in touch with them
Sri

Cheeniya · Feb 9, 2008

Dear Janani
There is a lot of truth in what you say. Sayings like 'Vallavanukku pullum ayudham' may sound encouraging but when it comes to laying the educational foundation for a bright future for their children, the parents always think of the best even if it is beyond their means. Education has now assumed the status of a good investment. People do not mind resorting to heavy borrowings to meet this investment need. But just as in business, all investments may not turn profitable! I have seen children completing the professional courses successfully and yet not getting a suitable avenue to get themselves gainfully employed.
Sri

Shanvy · Feb 9, 2008

Sri,

A topic dealing with children is always close to my heart be it studies or parenting..which you should by now be aware by the number of posts about schools and parenting i reply.

I agree with you about the middle class parents finances, the expectation of the child, the expecations of the parents, peers everything is really taxing and the days before and after the result, is really a nightmare. The cost of the applications to the courses, the colleges are are sky rocketing. on top of it though advertised so much, getting student loans and things is a little difficult.

But one thing, I see lacking in the children of this generation, whatever said and done is the fighting spirit, they want everything done by the parents..they just want to go and attend college all the dirty job to be done by parents...(at 95% of them).

We know a teacher who talks about the deserving kids at govt. school. two years back she introduced me to a boy who score 94% and got a seat in engineering college, but the parents being vendors, wanted the boy to join them rather college. We all pitched in and now the boy has completed 2 years. 2 more to go.

I agree with you, regarding pitching in..though a vast 15000 members, to manage a fund and all the responsibilities and pressures that go with it is nightmarish. instead if we could give pointers about loans, ngo's, scholarships and others details which could be passed on to deserving candidates and parents, it is a great service. (my My 2cents )

Cheeniya · Feb 9, 2008

Dear Shanthi
In all your responses, you always come across as a very practical person. You are right about the children depending totally on their parents in a kind of resigned way. It may be partly due to the parents themselves. They do not involve their children in any decision making with regard to their future. I know a number of cases where the students pursue a particular course because their parents want them to. In all these cases, the parental decision is unilateral and as a result, the student does not get deeply involved in the selected course of study.
A very small percentage of parents only take serious note of their children's aptitude and give them the freedom to do what they want while the majority think that the children are not capable of deciding what is good for them.
Sri

Chitvish · Feb 9, 2008

Dear Sri,
As I was signing off at 4.30PM, you thread name appeared in the new posts. I was just appalled at what the crisis could be, knowing that you are just recovering from a health-crisis!
Sri, you could not have fooled me worse, with April still seven weeks away !
Since both our children are done with all these stages in life & you & I are the type preferring to keep mum on the marks of our grandchildren, I am not going deep into it.
But I must share a joke with you. When Vish was in TVS, everybody used to come to him for recommendation in TVS, for atleast for an office-boy's job.
If the parents came, saying that their son has passed 10th with a good average above 60 %, he would say that the boy was overqualified & that they prefer 10th failed boys !!
For those who came with a 10th failed son, he would say that they had changed the rules that the boy should be 8th failed !
He used to say that they never wanted smart, educated office-boys because they would feel the job was too mundane for them!
I am sure you have noticed all the latest TV advts for computer-related couses & jobs. One girl tells her father that if he agrees to put her on a computer course, she would get him the entire household range of gadgets & furniture, the next year.
In another one, the mother tells her friend proudly that her daughter is employed in a computer institute & already earns more than her father! The girl proudly looks on. Every time, I see that, I feel like giving the mother & daughter "one"(?) nicely !!
Well, you wrote about "spoilt brats"; this is "spoiling the brats" !
A very apt topic, with March approaching.
Love,
Chithra.

Mythraeyi · Feb 9, 2008

Sir,

I'm sorry to say I find this post a little derogatory to women - and that too in a women's forum. Would your friend's reaction have been the same if it was his son who had scored such high marks instead of his daughter? I am no feminist but in this day and age when daughters are as good as sons, I find such reactions hard to understand. Forgive me if this was meant to be a humorous post - I didn't get it!

Anandchitra · Feb 10, 2008

Dear Sri
You have so well outlined todays situation with the college admissions. It is an understatement to say it comes as surprise or sprung upon any parent. These days when we have to stand in line for elementary school education, we only get an inkling of what to expect down the line. One of the advantages on your thread is also the opportunity to read higher calibre level feedbacks. So here we have Veda talking about personal experience and how tough it might have been for his sister not to pursue higher education..and Janani voicing that.. "But compared to the earlier days there are varied options now. The choice should be given to the person who has to study and the parents help them in deciding the best among the choices made"..
And Shanthi .."But one thing, I see lacking in the children of this generation, whatever said and done is the fighting spirit, they want everything done by the parents..they just want to go and attend college all the dirty job to be done by parents...(at 95% of them)." and ofcourse your friend .."this is "spoiling the brats" ! ..and Mythreyi feeling the reaction biased.
One thing these statements have in common is the observation of current day admissions, the need to be more prepared and to tacke the problem with intelligence. Like Janani says there are other options than being doctor or engineer. And like Shanthi says children too need to be more proactive. They need to come up with alternative situations and alternative choices which open up the field for parents.
This is a timely discussion on todays trends and even a wakeup call for some parents.. It is no doubt the need of the hour to comeup with different solutions to the old problems. As there really is no immediate relief from these solutions.
On a different note I have to comment on a slight change in your narrative style..!